immitable Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 it has been 5 months since she dumped me, no real explanation no nothing she was mad and acted calm. I didn't cheat on her. Apart from wanting the reason, begging and pleading for the couple days I also implemented strict NC. She contacted me only business for a couple times and that is it. After all this NC I still feel the urge to hear from her, I know that it isn't wise. She is very stubborn and I have no idea what is going on with her. No common friends no fb nothing. How do I go about it?
mike588 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 it has been 5 months since she dumped me, no real explanation no nothing she was mad and acted calm. I didn't cheat on her. Apart from wanting the reason, begging and pleading for the couple days I also implemented strict NC. She contacted me only business for a couple times and that is it. After all this NC I still feel the urge to hear from her, I know that it isn't wise. She is very stubborn and I have no idea what is going on with her. No common friends no fb nothing. How do I go about it? Wow 5 months of N.C sounds like she has really moved on.Maybe the begging and pleading (which most of do) pushed her away completely? When she contacted you for business were you calm or did you beg and plead some more? I understand the urge to hear from her,, I'm, 2 1/2 months of N.C. and also haven't heard anything but in my case she went back to her ex. so I most likely won't hear anything. Do you still want her back? After going that long,5 months it may not hurt to just send her an email/text and just say hi, how are you? and leave it at that and see if she replys and go from there.
Author immitable Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Wow 5 months of N.C sounds like she has really moved on.Maybe the begging and pleading (which most of do) pushed her away completely? When she contacted you for business were you calm or did you beg and plead some more? I understand the urge to hear from her,, I'm, 2 1/2 months of N.C. and also haven't heard anything but in my case she went back to her ex. so I most likely won't hear anything. Do you still want her back? After going that long,5 months it may not hurt to just send her an email/text and just say hi, how are you? and leave it at that and see if she replys and go from there. Thank you for the reply mike! I acted cool and was via mail, she sent me b-day mail msg saying just "happy b-day all the best", I responded after few days with thank you. In the very beginning she tried to like give me a brief update in her business mail like what she did lately (professionally) but I didnt respond to those parts just to the business part (taking care of the stuff etc). I figured it was about me and not her, wanted her to realise what it is like when she has no support from me. I used to be very supportive of her ideas etc. her b-day is coming up and I planned not to wish her happy b-day, dunno Edited October 22, 2011 by immitable
mike588 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Again after 5 months of not hearing anything like, I miss you,I love you seems like she has moved on. Even if she is stubborn if she really wanted to try it again she would of let you know by now! Sending her a birthday wish,,, well,, since she sent you one I don't see any harm with you returning the same.
Author immitable Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 saw her briefly or more like a caught a glimpse of her recently at a gym, she almost smiled I escaped her, we were at 15 meters distance. I also asked her to pick my stuff and haven't received any answer. In the beginning she was the one who sent me mail to pick up my stuff. I said she should send it to me, she said she canÄt organize it I should pick it up myself. I finally said months after I'll pick it up we should set a date, no reply - weird.
mike588 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I still don't know if you want her back or not? If you don't then don't worry about not hearing from her,, just move on, ignore her completely. Finish your business with her and be done with it. After not picking up your stuff months later maybe she tossed it? Sounds like she has moved on and you should too.
Author immitable Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 I do want her back mike, you know. But feel hesitant, don't know what the reason was, she said she lost her feelings for me, that it was going on for a year and that she couldn't go through the same with me again. pretty much blamed me for everything. Really, need a talk to her I don't know can't make the decision without talking to her whether I want her back or not. I turned 36 she is 35. this btw was her second chance kinda.
Author immitable Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 I'm, 2 1/2 months of N.C. and also haven't heard anything but in my case she went back to her ex. so I most likely won't hear anything.. you say mike she left you for her ex, how long have you guys been dating? What is your situation?
mike588 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I do want her back mike, you know. But feel hesitant, don't know what the reason was, she said she lost her feelings for me, that it was going on for a year and that she couldn't go through the same with me again. pretty much blamed me for everything. Really, need a talk to her I don't know can't make the decision without talking to her whether I want her back or not. I turned 36 she is 35. this btw was her second chance kinda. If it were just several weeks,, a few months since last hearing from her I would say stay N.C. but after 5 months and you still want her back then why don't you contact her. Don't cry, plead etc. just calmly express your feelings about what you want, keep it short and see how she replys. You will have expressed your feelings,desires now it's up to her. If she says no then you can finally close that chapter in your life and truely move on. Just remember to calm and cool and don't come across as needy,,, that will be her final thought/memory of you so make it a good one.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) If it were just several weeks,, a few months since last hearing from her I would say stay N.C. but after 5 months and you still want her back then why don't you contact her. Don't cry, plead etc. just calmly express your feelings about what you want, keep it short and see how she replys. You will have expressed your feelings,desires now it's up to her. If she says no then you can finally close that chapter in your life and truely move on. Just remember to calm and cool and don't come across as needy,,, that will be her final thought/memory of you so make it a good one. ok mike, thank you for the reply. I think it makes sense what you said. I will not contact her yet I still have to let this information sink in. last time she was the one who came to me, said she thought I was the one (after her marriage failed), we had a fling as teenagers, weird one I know. Edited October 23, 2011 by immitable
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 you say mike she left you for her ex, how long have you guys been dating? What is your situation? Well she had just broken up with him then I stepped in the picture. We were friends many many years ago and by chance we ran into each other. We both felt comfortable dating because we had a past together. We dated almost 1 year then out of the blue she dumped me to go back to him,,, 3rd time back with him. What really upset me was I took care of her for a week after she had surgery then as soon as she was healed it was ,,, see ya. Well other than a few emails a week after that I haven't heard a peep from her,,,,, 2 1/2 months now and like I said earlier I don't expect to,,, she got what she wanted so why should she contact me?
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Well she had just broken up with him then I stepped in the picture. We were friends many many years ago and by chance we ran into each other. We both felt comfortable dating because we had a past together. We dated almost 1 year then out of the blue she dumped me to go back to him,,, 3rd time back with him. What really upset me was I took care of her for a week after she had surgery then as soon as she was healed it was ,,, see ya. Well other than a few emails a week after that I haven't heard a peep from her,,,,, 2 1/2 months now and like I said earlier I don't expect to,,, she got what she wanted so why should she contact me? Don't want to give you false hope but I've got a feeling that she is going to contact you, this way or another.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Don't want to give you false hope but I've got a feeling that she is going to contact you, this way or another. Sometimes I want her to and sometimes I don't. As each days passes I don't want her to. It could never be the same.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Sometimes I want her to and sometimes I don't. As each days passes I don't want her to. It could never be the same. It is hard I know... but 3rd time for her to be back really
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 It is hard I know... but 3rd time for her to be back really I know for a fact that after dumping me it was her second time back but her sisters said nooooo it happened another time so it's her 3rd time back. Something is surely there for her to keep going back. Now I think that after being with someone (me) who really loved/cared for her and made her happy(well thats what she told me 500+ times) if she will eventually see what she lost? Then again maybe not or she wouldn't of left? I was her rebound.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 I know for a fact that after dumping me it was her second time back but her sisters said nooooo it happened another time so it's her 3rd time back. Something is surely there for her to keep going back. Now I think that after being with someone (me) who really loved/cared for her and made her happy(well thats what she told me 500+ times) if she will eventually see what she lost? Then again maybe not or she wouldn't of left? I was her rebound. It sucks,I know, but you have to compare who had more history together her ex or you two. History also plays an important role in getting back I think.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 It sucks,I know, but you have to compare who had more history together her ex or you two. History also plays an important role in getting back I think. We dated almost 1 year,, they dated 14 months. I'd like for her to come back so I could say NO,,, that would justify all the pain she put me thru. Anyway this thread is about you but thanks for your feedback.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 We dated almost 1 year,, they dated 14 months. I'd like for her to come back so I could say NO,,, that would justify all the pain she put me thru. Anyway this thread is about you but thanks for your feedback. No it is fine, really, I remember you posting some time ago how your gf left you for her ex, it is comlicated I know. You sould keep positive attitude regardless, there is nothing wrong in you thinking about her, you never know.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 No it is fine, really, I remember you posting some time ago how your gf left you for her ex, it is comlicated I know. You sould keep positive attitude regardless, there is nothing wrong in you thinking about her, you never know. Yea I've joined a gym which has really helped alot and hooked up with some old friends and slowly moving on. I do think about her and at times miss her. The hardest part was I felt so betrayed,,, dumped approx. 2 weeks after her surgery. In her final email she said it wasn't plannned, I was an awesome b/f ,she could never repay me for all the things I did for her, and not a day goes by that she doesn't think about me for being so good to her blah blah blah. I don't know if I should believe it or not,, again she got what she wanted so why should she think/care for/about me,,,I'm sure I'm a distant memory?
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Yea I've joined a gym which has really helped alot and hooked up with some old friends and slowly moving on. I do think about her and at times miss her. The hardest part was I felt so betrayed,,, dumped approx. 2 weeks after her surgery. In her final email she said it wasn't plannned, I was an awesome b/f ,she could never repay me for all the things I did for her, and not a day goes by that she doesn't think about me for being so good to her blah blah blah. I don't know if I should believe it or not,, again she got what she wanted so why should she think/care for/about me,,,I'm sure I'm a distant memory? I don't think you are her distant memory, you are just not her priority at the moment, she is trying to save her relationship with her ex. Honestly I don't think she has a chance with him though, but it is all part of her learning process. Btw, to digress just a little, how would you contact my ex if you were in my position?
ken_25 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I do want her back mike, you know. But feel hesitant, don't know what the reason was, she said she lost her feelings for me, that it was going on for a year and that she couldn't go through the same with me again. pretty much blamed me for everything. This seems like a reason to me man. It may not be the reason you want to hear or one that doesn't seem specific enough, or even a good enough reason but nonetheless it IS a reason. I don't think you should contact her, just leave it be and try to move forward. Very difficult to do I know, just keep grinding. Mike, I'm telling you man, her and her ex aren't going to work out. Even though she may not come back, I think it's likely she does. Do not take her back, but I'm just sayin, it won't work with them.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 This seems like a reason to me man. It may not be the reason you want to hear or one that doesn't seem specific enough, or even a good enough reason but nonetheless it IS a reason. I don't think you should contact her, just leave it be and try to move forward. Very difficult to do I know, just keep grinding. Mike, I'm telling you man, her and her ex aren't going to work out. Even though she may not come back, I think it's likely she does. Do not take her back, but I'm just sayin, it won't work with them. Thank you for the reply ken, I know it is true, I am in denial big time. Our relationship wasn't a troubled one we were together for 5 years and both tried to get a feet on the ground, we were both new in the town. even her best gf said that she was very into me, said I should give her time. It is all weird.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I don't think you are her distant memory, you are just not her priority at the moment, she is trying to save her relationship with her ex. Honestly I don't think she has a chance with him though, but it is all part of her learning process. Btw, to digress just a little, how would you contact my ex if you were in my position? Ok before I give you my advise let me add this to what you just said,,In her last email she said: I chose to continue this relationship (with him) KNOWING IF WOULD FAIL,, WTF,,, KNOWING it would fail, not IF IT WOULD FAIL WTF!!!! Ok enough of that. I would send her an email saying Hi, how are you? and leave it at that and see if she bites. The other option is in addition of just saying hi how are you express your feelings about what you want without coming across as needy, desperate etc. Tell her you have been thinking about her, ask her how's she'd been. I prefer the Hi, how are you and see how she responds,, if she does then take it a step further in your reply. Of course if she tells you she has a new b/f then wish her well and move on.
ken_25 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Thank you for the reply ken, I know it is true, I am in denial big time. Our relationship wasn't a troubled one we were together for 5 years and both tried to get a feet on the ground, we were both new in the town. even her best gf said that she was very into me, said I should give her time. It is all weird. Yeah just give it time, try not to focus on her, but you instead. It's so hard, well for me anyway, to turn your back on everything and walk forward. But we have to... it's just the way it is. All three of us are going to be fine.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 This seems like a reason to me man. It may not be the reason you want to hear or one that doesn't seem specific enough, or even a good enough reason but nonetheless it IS a reason. I don't think you should contact her, just leave it be and try to move forward. Very difficult to do I know, just keep grinding. Mike, I'm telling you man, her and her ex aren't going to work out. Even though she may not come back, I think it's likely she does. Do not take her back, but I'm just sayin, it won't work with them. Thanks Ken 25. Yea everyone says the same thing (it wont work between them) but I have my doubts,,, 3rd times the charm??? She said she failed in the relationship so maybe this time she will make it work from her past mistakes??
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