bizzle123 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Hi, I will try to make this not too long! I'd like some help, advice, or would like to hear what anyone thinks really. My girlfriend and I split up about 3 weeks ago. We have had the best time together ever for about a year. I have been not speaking/replying to her texts and calls for a while now. without typing our history and the problems involved I'll say what's been going on recently. When we broke up (more in anger, it was her who followed through etc by doing it on facebook) she sent me horrible texts, I know now, to probably make herself feel a bit better although I couldn't believe it was her. with advice from all her friends who have been so supportive all the time, they suggested I leave her alone and don't reply or provoke her. For a week or so I had texts often saying I'm thinking of you, hope youre ok, even walking past my house blatantly (we're at uni). She was clearly missing me and told our mutual friends. NC helps clear the air of anger and helped. Stupidly I called her mobile by accident (she was in my recent call list) and it must have rang for about a second although it says 'cancelled' on my phone. She left two texts and a message saying did I mean to call etc. She then immeditately spotted pictures of me on facebook (through friends' tags) of me having fun with others (just that). She said I hope you haven't got with anyone else because that's hurtful. I sent an apology for the call, breaking no contact, but thought it was polite and unfortunately said in the same short message that I really miss her too and wouldn't go off with anyone else. That was 24 hours ago, and at that point I knew she was missing me and feeling upset. I thought maybe her head was beginning to clear. Her friends have been so supportive of me, I have been there for her through all sorts of medical problems for the past year and a half or so now, so felt very grateful. Finally his morning I got another text explaining that she wasn't happy in the relationship and it's for the best (the same thing she said after her anger calmed down after the initial break up). I replied saying something equally polite, but she had said to me (time and time again too) that she doesn't want to be with anyone else right now, wants time to herself, is thinking of me, hopes we can be 'friends', hoped I have support etc etc. I basically firmly agreed with what she said, although I did slip in what I do is up to me because I feel like i shouldn't have to be controlled. She broke up with me afterall. This afternoon, I got another nasty text (saying how she had spoken to my old ex and that I am no good for her) so am maybe expecting a few more of those right now. Importantly i won't be replying soon, because I'm so gutted I broke no contact before. All her friends have been s supportive, and it makes me feel better to hear that I've been doing nothing wrong and have been there for her throughout the last year with all her problems. I haven't messed up what no contact has achieved in the last day or so have I? I go so up and down thinking I deserve better than nasty texts (and lies to our and her friends from her) from thinking I miss her dreadfully and so upset about it, and thinking she doesn't mean it obviously. I am however scared that she'll convince herself that she believes these nasty things, although, whatever happens her friends say, she'll go back to realising she's wrong and will regret being nasty to me. I hope with time she will get better, space must be the best thing. She probably won't convince herself of those things (she hasn't over the last week or two) but I wish I hadn't broken the no contact rule! That was rather long afterall I'm sorry! Thank you for reading.
nyckidd Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I think that this girl is obviously confused about what she wants. If I were you I would tell her how you felt just once to see if you guys could mend things. If nothing changes and she declines, then I would put a serious effort into NC for some time so you can get a clear head, as well as her. It seems like she has a ton of emotions right now so it would be best to steer clear if she declines to be with you.
Author bizzle123 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 I think she is confused about what she wants she's (we're both) only young but I've always felt shes put me above her. I don't think she ever trusted me about my ex (she met me when I was upset about her) but really her trust was her insecurity. i think when she sends me nasty messages (and even why she ended it) was because she feels better when shes in control, and she can put me down. When I started NC she gradually started to panic and inquire about me. i wish I hadn't given in when she asked if I had been trying to get with others. There's a balance between appearing confident and wanting her to know really I still there. But really NC means I don't contact or clarify anything. It feels likes such a huge shame at the moment. I feel better when i realise I don't deserve to take this and that maybe she needs time to sort out her issues, but I miss our history so much. we couldn't have been closer really, and it's bit dispiriting to think there's nothing else I can do at the moment. NC gradually helped me feel better however too, only because I (rightly) judged that she was gradually missing me...
joseph17 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Run and run as fast as you can. Once abusive behavior and controlling issues arise it's time to go. She knew you wanted her back and as soon as she seen that she took the opportunity to take the ball right out of your court and put it in her hands and breaks up with you. That is B.S and would be enough reason for me to be pissed and not talk to her again. Or at least start the NC. I am sorry but she was going to end this anyway and would have done anything so she was the one to end it. My first marriage my ex wife was a control freak and I went through hell for 5 years. The choice is all yours nut my advice is run and find someone else
Author bizzle123 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 She knew you wanted her back and as soon as she seen that she took the opportunity to take the ball right out of your court and put it in her hands and breaks up with you. This is exactly whats going on. I cant believe she's the same person who has told me and shown much how much she really cares for me in the past, even weeks ago. I feel it's a thing she's doing to make herself feel better than actually meant. Things are also different I suppose when one can easily send messages rather than when in person. We live about 60 seconds away from each other, it's probably I'll bump into her again soon but somehow ive managed to avoid it for the past week or so and must carry on NC. I suppose I need to carry on acting happy confident and myself if I did bump into her and keep it short. I was feeling so much more confident before the last 2 hours until what I said above happened! My friend was correct the moment I slip and appear weak, even agreeing I've been missing her she returns to being horrible to me.
Author bizzle123 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 It's helpful to write my experiences, and anyone reading thank you. Clearly she is confused, but I think it's more that she's trying to stand up to me to give her confidence. That's why I got the nasty text a couple of days ago after I basically agreed with her polite one reaffirming the break up. Do you think it's easy for someone to change their feelings genuinely and believe those spiteful things? Or even use them to grow stronger over the next few weeks? I feel that this is all about control but she's trying to compensate for the feeling that she puts me above her too much and has done for too long in our relationship. She does love me, but will time allow her to clear her head? Is that best?
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