chubachoop Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I just cant do no contact! How do you do it? I know this sounds stupid but its like Im addicted to talking to him! I was doing really well, I went 4 days with no contact but then I spoke to him on messenger for like hours, we established that we both missed each other but we werent getting back together. It was me who decided we werent getting back together ever, he said lets wait and see what happens. i said no, i want a relationship now or never. So we agreed to talk next when we are ready to be friends. But I check MSN messenger all the time to see if hes online, I text him earlier too, I just cant do it. I have decided I dont want to get back with him so why am I finding this so hard?
bluechocolate Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I just cant do no contact! What you mean to say is that you won't. Of course you can. If what you really want is to end this relationship. Are you sure you do?
Author chubachoop Posted May 18, 2004 Author Posted May 18, 2004 No Im not sure. I love him and hes my best friend. Ive heard so many bad stories and everyone telss me its impossible for two people who used to be in a serious relationship to become best friends. I dont want to just see him every now and then, or just say hi when we bump into each other. I want us to hang out every day as best friends and be important parts of each others lives forever, even if we get new partners. But im scared I only want this cause Im still in love with him and the break up is still fresh. Im afraid of doing no contact because Im afraid that after we are both over the relationship, one or both of us will not want to be friends any more the way we have talked about.
cantforget Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Advice is a funny thing, very easy to give but difficult to take especially when its your own. It was you who told me just the other day that I was trying to be friends with my ex too soon, it was too fresh etc. I too honestly want to be best friends with my ex and I also am afraid that if I leave it too long then we wont end up friends at all. Did you think that may have been the case with me when you told me to wait untill I did not love him anymore to persue a friendship? I truly understand how hard it to restrain yourself from tallking to the ex. I wish I could tell you that contacting my ex worked for me but truthfully it did not. He texted me back to say that he was glad to hear I was doing ok and that whether I believed it or not he did still care about me, so I thought great, so I messaged him back saying I did believe that, I just thought I would have heard from him again by now and was it just that he has been too busy or does he just need space. That was 24 hours ago and I have not heard back from him and now I am confused. If he cares about me then why not message me back. Sorry I did not mean to make this about me but we seem to have similar situations and perhaps if we talk to each other we might feel a bit better, after all a problem shared is a problem halved. Has anyone successfully maintained a strong frienship with their ex out there, and if so how did you go about it?
burton928 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 im finding it hard to have no contact with my ex. we just broke up last tuesday and it seems like forever since ive seen here or talked to her on the phone. ive emailed her a few times but she hardly writes back only when i told her i had throat cancer. its so hard to now want to talk to her because im still in love with her. she says she loves me and misses but why doesnt she want to talk? we broke up becuase she needs time to straighten out her life and her counselor says she shouldnt talk to me. its not good for her. and i want her back because i love this girl and really was thinking about marrying her.
dazednconfuzed Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 My situation is a little different. My ex broke up with me and wanted to be friends. She called and text messaged me almost every day but that was the extent of our "friendship". I felt her moving in someone else's direction and I felt us growing apart. Most of the time, I wondered why she even wanted to stay friends. Finally, I ended up asking her not to call anymore because I couldn't take it. My feelings for her ran too deep and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go from being the one she really liked to the one she hardly ever saw. Yes, I miss her ... at times terribly. But my time away from her (over 2 weeks so far) has done wonders for me. It has begun to heal me, and I don't feel as angry and broken up as I did when she used to call. Every time I feel like caving in and calling her to tell her that I'm ready to just be her friend, I think of her loving somebody else. Until I]m ready to accept her with another, I will keep my distance. That is best for all parties involved.
LILUIL Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 i dont feel a thing, been on no contact for more than 20 days now ( ithink... lost count) ..... see my many posts last week yeah, i'll admit i miss him. hello.... no contact doesnt mean you sit and daydream and dwell in the emotions.... it will be so painful that way. go out with gfs, read, danced, sing, shop, hang out in loveshack ...... you gotta get busy. i realise now, and thanks to the advice of others.... bah! why chase after him, let him come if he wants. it's just gonna piss him off. might as well be happy that other things in life are going well. it's only yesterday that i had an evening free to watch the sun set. it's so beautiful and peaceful. try it. be brave girl! you can do it.....
effee Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I haven't done no contact for 5 days, then i broke down, and until this time i still cant do no contact..
Author chubachoop Posted May 19, 2004 Author Posted May 19, 2004 I know the advice, i give myself advice all the time. I sometimes worry that I listen to my head more than I do my heart. I know that if we are gonna be friends then I have to get over the relationship side of things first. I know that i have to just chance that once we are over our feelings, that we may not really be friends the way we hope. I know that no contact means getting out and about, doing things for yourself, trying not to think about him. So... if I know all these things why did i tell my friend I couldnt meet her for lunch and why did I instead come home and come on messenger, and why as Ive seen him online have I unblocked him?.......... Im stupid really I guess
sally1530 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 im in the same boat I think its been about 18 days now , no contact.... wedding cancelled 4 weeks ago, moved out the next day, the reason was I caught him cheating on line and he is a classic sex addict.... no one woman can ever please him. Its been really hard to realize that hes gone and that we were supposed to get married this saturday... it hurts every moment day and night for the past 35 days..... but each day it get a little better, its a long road to recover from the emotional damage he has done to me but I know now that god didnt want me to get married to this guy, thats why I found out about his secrets.... and lies... It takes every ounce of my being not to pick up the phone and call him or to drive to his house and pick up the remaining stuff at his house ... but I know by seeing him its only going to make the healing process longer and more painful... so I must stay away... and almost pretend like he has died.... the person I fell in love with never really existed.... it was a nice dream the dream he wanted me and everyone to believe in.... the real person is a selfish, sex addict and cant hold a relationship past a year without getting committment phobia.... Im not happy with what he has done, wasting my time and hurting me , but I cant change what has been done to me and have to accept that he gave up on me along time ago and that its now that I have to give up on him and find someone who can love me for me and that will be happy with me and not need to look at porn and go out on the internet to chat with girls for naked photos and sex. I deserve better.... I know its out there , I just need to focus on finding it... and staying away from this monster .....
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