kanger_roo Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 We've been together 6 months, we get along really well, I love seeing him and I miss him when he's gone. We've got a lot in common, great sex life, he adores me and love me, but I don't love him. Why? Can anyone offer any advice? I really care about him, and I lust for him too, but I don't love him. We've now just entered a long distance relationship (because of college) so see each other once a month (and loads in the holidays) we talk more or less daily via skype/phone/facebook etc. He keeps talking about the future, and maybe moving in together, I go along with it to avoid rocking the boat, which is stupid and unfair to both of us, I know. But I don't want things to end, am I just being selfish? He told me he loved me really early in the relationship, too early in fact, kind of freaked me out. I was hoping in time I would feel the same way about him, but I don't. Tbh I've never been in love with anyone before. I don't want to leave him because I'm happy with him, most of the time at least, and I don't want to hurt him.
Survivor12 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 To clarify, what is missing that makes you say that you don't love him?
grkBoy Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I think you're hoping or expecting something to happen that isn't supposed to happen. You make me think of one of those women who can't see it as "love" unless there's sparks, fireworks, romance-novel passion, etc. Seen many women who "get bored easily" because they only can fathom "love" if it's all sparks and fireworks. Love to me is about comfort, completion, and true intimacy. When this person is your best friend, lifelong companion, and you don't have to sit "on edge" wondering if the RL is strong or not. If you seriously are attracted to others, then end it and take chances. Don't stay with him just because it's convenient. However, look inside yourself and really ask what you're looking for in a RL and in love. If it's just the sparks/fireworks, then bear in mind that comes from BOTH PEOPLE...not just one side. You both can make that happen if you both are willing...and he seems more than willing. Do what you want, but I am simply saying not to toss away a good person and a possible good RL that you'll regret ending down the road. Seen too many with your mindset, and currently they're single, never happy, and often times regretful of the one they let go...because every guy since then was merely looking for a lay.
bittersweet memories Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 We've been together 6 months, we get along really well, I love seeing him and I miss him when he's gone. We've got a lot in common, great sex life, he adores me and love me, but I don't love him. Why? Can anyone offer any advice? I really care about him, and I lust for him too, but I don't love him. We've now just entered a long distance relationship (because of college) so see each other once a month (and loads in the holidays) we talk more or less daily via skype/phone/facebook etc. He keeps talking about the future, and maybe moving in together, I go along with it to avoid rocking the boat, which is stupid and unfair to both of us, I know. But I don't want things to end, am I just being selfish? He told me he loved me really early in the relationship, too early in fact, kind of freaked me out. I was hoping in time I would feel the same way about him, but I don't. Tbh I've never been in love with anyone before. I don't want to leave him because I'm happy with him, most of the time at least, and I don't want to hurt him. Sounds like love to me..
make me believe Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 It's only been six months. Plenty of people don't feel like they truly LOVE someone until a year or more. It can take awhile to get to the point where you can honestly say that you love another person. I think it's good that you're not rushing your feelings, and I don't see any reason why you should be worried. I definitely think you need to curb the talk about the future until you're ready, though.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 He's probably made it too easy for you. What you want to feel is "want" and not necessarily "love". "Want" is what drives people nuts and gets under their skin--the desire to fulfill a longing even though the object of one's affections is not really the image we have in our minds. I think if he started to marginalize you and move away, you'll start "wanting" him. The drama of romance will begin. But right now, you're out of sync with him coming on too strong too early and you not developing the uncertainty and the "want" for him. It's tricky and I don't know if it can be reversed once you understand it. It's food for thought anyway because it will always be that way with anyone.
Author kanger_roo Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 I'm not looking for fireworks or passion, I'm not expecting it to be like something out of the movies. I just thought I'd feel different about him by now compared to how we were in the very early days. Yes I care about him a lot more, and want to be with him, but I can feel that way about friends (male or female) I guess I thought love would feel different. Maybe I was wrong, maybe everything is fine, time will tell I guess.
BklynGuy Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Sometimes love just wont happen with two people. I had a gf just like you. We were together 6 months initially, I went crazy for her early on. I could feel that she cared deeply but love just wasn't there for her. Killed me as it was my first time @ unrequited love. We broke up, 6 months later she wanted to be friends. She was really horrible & verbally abusive to me during our time together. I still loved her & wanted to get back together. She didn't want to, so I blocked her out & moved on. She came back about 2 years later saying I was great & she wanted to be with me. I didn't feel the same way, I had love for her but wasn't in love anymore. She still didn't love me, although she cared. I finally confronted her about it & she says 'So What?!' I couldn't believe it. I dropped her for good. She didn't wanna leave cuz we were happy spending time together. Eventually relationships have to move forward or end. If you can't find love him, let him go & move on.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) I'm in the same boat. I was in a situation like this before. Most people would say its not fair to him, and that you should get out of the relationship. But the truth of the matter is, we will all settle one day or another. If you are happy with him, if you are good to him, and if he is happy with you, I don't see the harm in being with him. Don't tell him you love him, tell him you need more time to be comfortable with that idea. But I honestly don't think thats grounds to breakup. I've never been inlove before either, but I have been happy in some relationships, and the fact that I never loved the guy didn't really seem to matter. So I don't see the harm. I actually think its worse, because (much like the poster above) you stick around when you shouldn't because you "love" them. When you don't, you see clearly what's going on and have no trouble doing the right thing. So in the end I think you're better off. The only problem comes when you don't love him and as a result start doing things without guilt (cheating, lying, a form of abuse etc). Then that's a problem. Edited October 25, 2011 by FrustratedStandards
ChessPieceFace Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 He told me he loved me really early in the relationship, too early in fact, kind of freaked me out. I was hoping in time I would feel the same way about him, but I don't. Tbh I've never been in love with anyone before. That sounds like the key part. How old are you? Maybe it's nothing to do with him, and everything to do with you. I felt like I was "in love" with girls even in elementary school. That was "puppy love" but it progressed on up from there. I can't state with 100% certainty that any of my "loves" or obsessions have been "true love" but I could never make the statement you made. I'm not a psychologist so I can't analyze your apparent inability to feel romantic love.
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