DarianFrey Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 (Putting this thread in this forum since it's more traffic here.) My girlfriend broke up with me October 3. The last few weeks of our relationship had been pretty bad, partly due to these reasons: - I repeatedly (and stupidly) told her that I wanted to study abroad, in Canada. - Her family was going through a really rough patch (her dad was kicked out after he did some horrible things). Naturally, she was pretty affected by this. - I didn't really listen to her worries about certain things I was doing, she felt that I didn't listen to her. - Towards the end I was kinda selfish, but I still cared about her much, just maybe not in the same way as in the beginning of our relationship. 2 days after she broke up, I called her up and said I felt uncertain about studying in Canada and that I was sorry for not listening to her worries about me. She cried and said this made her uncertain about her decision, but she couldn't straight out tell me if she wanted me back, so I said unless you want to work things out, don't call me... and I hung up. Bad move, but I was very emotional. 2 days after that I hadn't heard from her, and of course I caved in and sent her a text, said I wanted to change, I wanted to make her feel appreciated like she did during the first year of our relationship and how much she meant to me. She responded that she needed to find herself, that we are too different etc. I simply responded "Ok, no hard feelings. I really hope you have a good life. " Since then, there's been no contact and I also deleted her from Facebook. Might have made her sad, but I needed that, and our mutual friends (+ her brother and sister) have not deleted me. Also, she tried logging in to my Facebook account 4 days after our last text. The week before the break-up, when I revealed I had thoughts about studying for 3 years in Canada, she said "Well, then maybe it's best that we break up now so we don't fall even more in love" whilst tears streamed down her cheeks. We both thought long and hard about it and decided against it, and made good love that night, so I feel like she didn't break up because she lost her feelings. I know there wasn't another guy involved at the time of our break up. Been in NC for 15 days now, and plan to remain like that for a month, then ask her out for a coffee. I love her and miss her SO much... I feel like there might still be a chance here, but I don't know. She isn't dating AFAIK. What do you guys think? PS. I'm 20, she's 18 and we're both our first loves and everything. we were together 16 months. If there's anything else you want to know, please tell me.
Buttercup84 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Sorry about your breakup. But you say you might not have felt as strong as you did in the beginning ? Do you really want to go to Canada ? If my boyfriend decided to move to another country to study I think I would do the same as your girlfriend . Sometimes LDR work but it is very very hard .
Author DarianFrey Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 We were out the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so those feelings of strong infatuation might have lessened on my part, but I have a deep love for her, something I have realized these past weeks. I have even tried to be angry at her for breaking up and hurting me, but I can't. I totally get why she broke up with me, I am bettering myself and I now know I love her unconditionally. I've been looking at other study courses (on home turf) that are just as good and offer the chance to study abroad for a term (3-4 months). I've not had the chance to say this to her yet though. NC for 15 days, plan on calling her after 30ish days of NC.
Buttercup84 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I am going to go against NC rules now and say maybe you should contact her and tell her all this. Tell her how much she means to you and that you are looking into courses closer to home . But if you want to wait till day 30 then do that . Just my opinion
Author DarianFrey Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 I've been thinking about that too, but there are other issues as well - I took her for granted and got too comfortable in the end, which I feel is also a reason why she got fed up. I was thinking of dabbling with nootropics (brain drugs) in order to cope with all my school work, and she was very scared that this would hurt me. Since I'd read a good deal about them and she hadn't, I felt she didn't really know what she was talking about and told her this. Callous of me, and she got hurt and told me I always do things my way without listening to her and anyone else. That's why I'm thinking of giving her space to think things through, and show her the changes I'm going through right now. I'm really turning my life around since the BU; going out alot, meeting new friends, playing guitar like a maniac, all the things I did when I first met her and attracted her, and it feels damn good. A month ago, all I wanted to do was play video games and read books. Thanks for your replies Buttercup, just being on this forum and talking with other people about it helps alot!
Fizzy1337 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I currently live in Canada. I must say the oppurtunities here are amazing. And schooling here is world class. Don't let anything hold u back in life. GO GO GO. what r u planning on taking? My ex broke up with me to be with someone else, and I feel great. I've never met so many girls in my life it's been 1 month and even though i love her and all i just realized that it's better to focus on yourself. Anyways brotha i think u should focus on yourself and keep doing your thing. You're doing amazing man
joseph17 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Bettering yourself should always be your number one. I know that girls can mess that up believe me I am a prime example of that. But you are young and so is she. Do what you have to do to get where you want to be in life and the women can come later unless she is down for the ride. College is one of the best experiences to live and changes lives. Maybe she will think about moving with you or staying in a LDR but she already broke up with you so probably not possible. Life is not easy and decisions aren't either but if you pick the right road life will be much easier. Good luck on your decision and keep us posted
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