English-Rose Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I posted here a few months ago about my break up. I did the whole NC thing as advised by many. It did help, I definitely felt stronger after some time ( a few weeks). My ex had met another woman on a dating website and I was heartbroken. Anyway I got on with my life and accepted albeit reluctantly that the relationship was over for good. Just last weekend I received a text from the ex asking to meet me for coffee. I was totally taken aback. We have been in light contact recently but the invite was out of the blue and really shook me up. I said I couldn't meet him that day but said I could meet him the next day instead during my lunch hour at work. So he took a day off work and came and met me for lunch. I should add at this point that it was his 40th birthday that day!! We spoke at length about what had happened, I got a lot off my chest and he apologised for hurting me, saying he had been selfish and hadn't fully considered my feelings at the time. We parted on good terms, and have texted a few times since, on friendly terms. He had asked what my current situation is and I told him I wasn't available. Turns out he is single again. I have no idea what he wants..... I guess I shouldn't even wonder! But the fact he chose to spend his 40th birthday with me just puzzles me completely. Or perhaps I'm Reading too much into it! My heads a mess again.... I still love him so much
betterdeal Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Aw, how upsetting. Initial contact after a break up is often upsetting. My thoughts are that after he broke up with his most recent girlfriend his subconscious reached back into his past for someone else to replace her; someone who he felt similar feelings for - you. But that's just a theory. What we do know is you have been upset by this contact. Take some time to digest the feelings it has aroused, and consider the things you know to be definitely true, such as, meeting him upset you, he's recently single, he tends to jump from one relationship to another quite quickly, and what you are doing in your life now. You're in a strong position now: you're in charge of your own life and you're free to do what you want to do. Feel free to take your time to decide what it is you want to do, then do it.
TLCbear Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I agree with the last poster, the last relationship ended, therefore, he decided to go back into his past to someone he felt comfortable with or knows still have feelings for him...this is pretty common...exes always have a tendency to run back when things do not work out with someone else. But I have a question, you stated that you were not available, are you involved with someone else? And if so, why did you go out with your ex?
Author English-Rose Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 Thanks for both replies. What you have both said rings true to me. He is lonely and needy at the moment. I know very little about his recent relationship or why they broke up. What I do know is that it was a bit of a turbulent relationship and neither of them was overly happy in it. This I heard from a third party who knows him. He and I never argued or had big blow outs, we were pretty happy. We broke up because I was going through a marriage separation and was not ready to go feet first into my next big relationship, he wanted more than I was able to give at that time. I say I am not available now because I am not available to him. I know if I told him I am free he would probably try and get me back into bed and as much as that'd be fab (lol) I just don't trust that he wouldn't drop me the next time someone better catches his eye as he did last time. It's complicated!! I love him very much but I am certain he doesn't feel the same way. Lust yes, love no. I want both!
betterdeal Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Well you seem to have it pretty clear in your heart and head. How do you feel about having a relationship with anyone at the moment?
Isaiah Jackson Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I agree with betterdeal and TLCbear on this one, and you also made some good points, you know what to watch out for and for that I applaud you
robf1971 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I said I couldn't meet him that day but said I could meet him the next day You should have ignored it...
Author English-Rose Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Robf1971.... Yes I couldve ignored it but I actually wanted to see him. It's been almost 7 months since we split and I haven't ever had a chance to sit with him face to face and discuss what went wrong. I was never given that opportunity before. I just feel like I've taken a few steps back in my healing now that the meeting is over. My head knows it's over, my heart is still aching. As for others, yes I am open to that of course. My confidence took a beating but I know now that it wasn't anything I did wrong nor was it anything to do with any lackings.... We were just walking in the direction but at different speeds. We were at different stages in our respective marital breakdowns. Now we are at the same place at the same time yet so much hurt and heartache is under the bridge.... I guess I need to work on getting my silly heart in tune with my head! Thanks for all the advice, it helps me to talk things through sometimes and rationalise. As an aside he has contacted me telling me I am a lovely and true friend. I guess that's what we are now! Oh well!
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