anthony43 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I understand that relationships end and people move on from one another, its a part of life. But I am a human being and and a decent person. I have my flaws just as anyone else does, and I dont think people need to be treated this way. My girlfriend of 5 years broke it off over a month ago, I have a son 8 years old from a previous marriage and together we have a 2 year old daughter. She started going out every weekend as I am going to school, working, and working on remodeling our home I thought I understood her need to get out of the house, so I did not make any waves about her going out. She began to use the excuse that she was working at the club, but was not making any money, we began to have arguments about her being drunk and every weekend and me being at home with the kids. One night I woke up and found her messaging some guy on yahoo. Then I found out that she had joined dating websites and was having conversations with other men on facebook. We had a huge argument about that and she said that she was moving out and going to stay with my sister. We had no contact for about a week( I was misrable that entire week) and she finally came home and said that she wanted to work things out, that she loved me and wanted to be married, she just was not getting enough attention from me. So she went with some friends to Applebees and said she would be home around 12. She didnt get home until 4:30. She admitted to having sex with another man and described in detail about what they did. I was devastated, she said she was so sorry but was still nervous about us getting back together and she made a huge mistake. I had to work at 6:00 so i did not ave time to talk things out with her. All day it was on my mind and I decided that things between had to change, that I loved her, and we could put this behind us. However, my mind would still wander to what she was doing when she went out. She didn t stop going to the club every weekend and not to disturb the peace between us I didnt mention it. We talked about it again and she gave me the name of the man that she had slept with and it was the man who owned the club. She would got to the store where my sister worked ( he owns that also) and my sister would drive his truck and pick her up in it. All of this was driving me crazy, but I did not want to lose or breakup my family. Then I found out that her friend was covering for her while she met another an at the park. This friend of hers watched our daughter while she met him. When I came home they were not there, I wanted to take eveyrone out to eat so I called my sister and her friend to find out where she was. By the time I got back home she was already there and yelled at me for trying to track her down. I put one of those keylogging tools on the computer and found out that she was still talking to a couple of men on facebook. This went on for about 4 months and we would argue and she always blamed me for it, it was all my fault. I approached my sister about her sleeping with his boss and she said she never saw her do anything and that she would always turn other men away. Eventually she said that she only lied to me about sleeping with someone to make me jealous and appreciate her. I bought this story because this is what I wanted to hear. Well it all came to a head when she spent the night at her friends and said she was only watching movies with the girls. My thoughts were this was not what mothers and families were supposed to do. i was pretty angry. To be honest, I felt as if there was another man and I couldnt take it anymore. She ended up breaking up saying she could not take this insane behavior from me anymore. The first week she said to give her space and time and she would consider coming back and working it out. The second week we had sex and I thought that things were going to work out. But, as soon as we were done she said she made a horrible mistake because she led me on. I was mortified. She found a job on the third week and asked if I would drive her the 40 miles to her orientation ( I did), and asked me to to get her some food (I did), to bring her cigarettes (did that too), and if I would drive her to catch the shuttle at 5 a.m to work. I agreed to all of that because I thought that we were going to work things out. The first day she was supposed to work I got the kids out of bed drove over to her friends house and waited for her to come out for about 30 min. i went and knocked on the door and she answered about after 5 min and said she was not going to work because she was sick. I asked her if sh had been drinking and she denied it. I pushed the door open all of the way to see if there was a man on the couch, she laughed and said she wasnt sleeping with anyone. m Then a guy came out of my sisters room with his shirt off and asked her if she had seen his friend. I knew then, I was heartbroken. That same day my sister admitted to me that she had been having sex with this other guy. I cried and felt so horrible. That same day his girlfirend found me and told me that her man had been sleeping with my girlfriend. She went to the house to confront her. This was blamed on me, I did not want to hurt her I was too shocked but she blamed me anyway. I found out that this guy has herpes and I asked her how long she had been sleeping with him, she told me it was none of my business, to get out of her life, we were done. I have been so depressed this last month. She has told me I would never see our daughter again or ever get to talk to her. She is moving from Missouri to California next week and I am so scared and hurt. She has lied to me so much. I just found out that (when I checked the phone bills that she had been calling him since June. That he has been over at her friends house when she left for that week and we supposedly reconciled. In the beginnning I cried and begged for her to take me back, she called me weak and pathetic. Said she had been trying to get rid of me for months and that sex with him was so much better. Even after all of this, she called me last weekend and asked if I would watch our daughter while she went to work. I found out the next day that she just wanted to go out. She just lied to me that easily. That same day, she wanted me to watch our daughter again becus e she said that i could see her before she leaves. When she came by to drop her off, there was in an entirely different man's car. I tried to stay busy, but this stuff has been getting to me, so I had to call her and ask if she would take the kids for a few hours so I could get my head together, she agreed and when she came back she was driving his car. She claimed it was friend and that was it. My sister told me that it was another friends boyfriend. When she brought my son back he told me that they were on top of one another and she was calling him baby. I had to go for a drive and when we were driving around I saw her in the park face to face with this same man. My son is only 8 and I have had him since he was 2 years old, she has been the only mother he has known, when I asked her if she realized what she was doing she said that it was my son, f**k him. He used to call her mom and when he threw his basketball it bounced on the porch rail hit her in the shoulder and she said she would punch him in the face. Throughout this last month she swears she has only slept with that one man and is not looking or wanting to be in a relationship. People approach me and tell me that she is still messing with a couple of guys. She made it seem as if all of the problems were because of me and I took that guilt trying to fix any and everything that I could. She would sleep on the couch until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I have now found out that she has flirted with men everywhere, she has turned my family against me. I gave up my friends so that I could concentrate on my family and what were supposed to be our mutual goals. She even threatened me with this new guy she is messing with. This is crazy, she says that I have caused her too much drama and that is hwy she has to leave, but I dont know anybody and it hurts because the only one who could remove that pain was her and she pnly causes me so much more. I decided last week I could not take anymore from her. I stopped calling her, removed her from my email and facebook. She would call everyday and I would be short and tell her to keep it to the point, she asked why was I getting an attitude every time I talked to her. And she would keep holding my daughter over my head (saying I didnt ever have to see her at all). Yesterday morning she called and said that she wanted to walk through the house to get whatever she had left there. I told her that all of her stuff had been removed from the house adn was sitting out on the curb, that there was no need to come back into the house. She demanded that she go through the house or she was going to call the police. She came with the police and they said she had no right in the house she was not on the lease. She began to get her things and was crying because I was doing her so wrong. I did not want to see her cry, but I did it that way because I could no longer take any of her lies, abuse, or mistreatment. Right now I feel horrible becaus emy family has been fractured, my entire relationship with her has been a lie, and I am more of a joke to her than anything. We were engaged and while I am thankful that we did not get married now, I am left with this hole in my chest because I truly loved her. The last straw for me was that phone bill, since June she had been talking to him, sleeping with him. I looked so foolish, all our plans of vacation, education, home, and kids gone. I am so lost, I dont have any friends, no one to talk to. My entire life revolved around my family and its not there anymore. I thought about sending my son to his biological mother and ending my life, what kind of man am I that somebody can do that to? Who would do that to another person? I did break some of her things when I put them on the curb and I am sorry for that, I felt so much anger and grief. I know that is not an excuse but I just dont know. I quit my job because it felt like everyone was staring and whispering at me behind my back. This was supposed to be my wife. If anyone has anything motivational please. If you got something cruel to say please keep it to yourself, I am just looking for a hand, I would give it to you.
ken_25 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Anthony, I am very sorry you are going through this. Your ex seems pretty damn crazy. This is not worth killing yourself over, you have children! Do not be selfish, think about them and how much of a negative impact you will cause to their lives. I know this is incredibly difficult, but I think you need to go see a professional to help you, immediately. If you need to have your son stay with his mother or someone you trust for a few weeks so you can gather yourself then do it. You said you gave up your friends, well maybe they are still wanting to be your friend. You should reach out to them, get supportive people around you. There are many great people on this site that can help you much more than I can, and I know they will be posting soon to offer their support and advice. Hang in there, take it day by day. We're all here for you Anthony, post as much as you need to.
Author anthony43 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 Man its been so hard, I go to sleep and I dream that everything is okay and then I wake up and its reality. Its got so I dont want to go to sleep anymore. I have a few times this month, I usually throw it up. I would wait for the phone to ring, wishing it was her and if it is its just her asking me to do something for her. She ha so little respect for me, that hurts. How could she say all of those cruel things? Why would she do that? I feel so useless, I tried, I really tried and my efforts were not good enough. I see all of these couples looking so happy and it looks like I am not destined to have one of those. I bought all of her lies and ignored my feelings just to make it work. She told me she loved me and that was a lie to. I would go to work all day and study so hard and work on the house because I knew my family loved me and they are not there anymore.
Buttercup84 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I am so sorry Anthony.She sounds like she is really messed up and this has nothing to do with you . She is not right in the head. Can you call a hotline to talk to someone about this ? here in Australia we have hotlines just for men to call when they are depressed. You are not alone , people on here will listen as much as you need it . You are going to get through this Ok ? don't give up , getting through it is the toughest part. And explain to your friends and family what she is really like and what she is doing.True friends will always be there. x
Author anthony43 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) It was all fake is the hardest part. It seems she was just looking for the next best thing. Im lost and hurt. What did I do wrong? Is this all my fault? Will she ever feel guilty? How can I ever forgive her? When she saw that some of her things were broken she cried, I did not want that to happen. What do I do now? Edited October 22, 2011 by anthony43
ken_25 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Man its been so hard, I go to sleep and I dream that everything is okay and then I wake up and its reality. Its got so I dont want to go to sleep anymore. I have a few times this month, I usually throw it up. I would wait for the phone to ring, wishing it was her and if it is its just her asking me to do something for her. She ha so little respect for me, that hurts. How could she say all of those cruel things? Why would she do that? I feel so useless, I tried, I really tried and my efforts were not good enough. I see all of these couples looking so happy and it looks like I am not destined to have one of those. I bought all of her lies and ignored my feelings just to make it work. She told me she loved me and that was a lie to. I would go to work all day and study so hard and work on the house because I knew my family loved me and they are not there anymore. I know man, I use to dream about my ex every night and all the dreams were her basically breaking up with me in different situations. I still dream about her 3 times a week or so. It's like you hurt and just want it to stop, so you sleep but you're not safe there either, so you feel stuck. I see those couples too and it stings, but forget about what we're "destined" for. A good person WILL walk into your life again, as one will into mine. I know of people in my life who have been through worse then what I've been through and what you've described and they're fine now, they found a good partner that did not treat them this way. It's just going to take a lot of time, but it will get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. She showed you her true colors in how she deals with things. It's strange how you think you know someone so well and they can just seem to turn into this different person. Well truth is, they aren't different, it's just who they are, we just didn't get to meet that side yet. I'm sure she loved you at one point man, she just doesn't love you like that anymore, it's a tough pill to swallow I know. You aren't useless, you have a lot to offer, earth needs as many good people as we can cram into it and I feel you're one of the good guys out there bud.
ken_25 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 It was all fake is the hardest part. It seems she was just looking for the next best thing. Im lost and hurt. What did I do wrong? Is this all my fault? Will she ever feel guilty? How can I ever forgive her? When she saw that some of her things were broken she cried, I did not want that to happen. What do I do now? You didn't do anything wrong, you were deceived. She will feel guilty in time if she doesn't already. You know her better than I do so it's up to you how to forgive. For me, my ex didn't have a good childhood. She has no real relationship with her mother, step father was an alcohlic and was verbally abusive toward her at a young age as well. Knowing her past and what she did while with me by trying to always replace her mother with different older women, suppressing her emotions, running from problems, cheating and deceiving partners, poor communication skills and an overall emotional immaturity all comes from her childhood issues. I can't judge her for that, I can't hate her.. I actually feel bad for her. So I could find forgiveness. What you need to do now is be strong for your children. I would think about getting a therapist to help deal with this. Take one day at a time, be around supportive people when possible, face your emotions and deal with them. Do not bury this, confront it. Keep busy and I suggest working out, it helps. It's good to write your feelings down, write letters to your ex explaining how you feel but do NOT send them. It's good to just get these things out on paper. And of course there is always loveshack, this site has helped me a lot.
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