parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) Hello I’m very hurt and disappointed. This dating thingdoesn’t work for me at all. I met a guy online 5 weeks ago. He was a handsome, 35,educated, professional man. Got divorced in 2005, and had 2 children that livedan hour away. He really pursued me. He talked to me on the phone for about 2hours a day, and I thought we were developing a good friendship. He told methat he really like my personality, the way I think, my physical appearance,etc. But he was a very opinioned and strong minded individual. If I would disagreewith him or share a different view point, I would respectfully voice my opinionabout the subject. He didn’t like that much. He often questioned my views. ButI never argued with him. I simply told him that all people are entitled totheir opinions, and it’s ok to disagree. Everyone is different. He worked a bad schedule and got off work at 12am, so Iwould wake up out of my sleep to talk to him at 1am each morning. In the daytime, I would come to his house and visit him before work a few days a week. Idon’t work, so I tried to make his difficult schedule work for us. My phonelogs say that I have talked to him for a total of 60 hours within 5 weeks. One morning he asked me to bring him breakfast before hewent to work. I left the house to bring him breakfast from a restaurant nearhis home. He called me as I drove and asked me to go to a restaurant 20 minutesin the other direction. I explained to him that I was near his home and that Iwould have to drive back in the opposite direction again and that would take alot of time because he was getting ready to leave for work soon after. Hebecame angry and said “he wanted what he wanted”. I felt bad…..I was going toget him breakfast, but he didn’t want what I had to offer. One night, he picked me up at 11pm for a late date at thedinner. I wasn’t sure what time her got off work, he said between 10:30 and11:30. So I text him to find out when he got off work. He did not reply. At11pm he was at my home. I feel asleep, but as soon as he called I jump up andput close on. It took me 10 minutes to get dressed and to the car, but he wasextremely mad at me. I explained to him what happened, but he said I should nothave kept him waiting. I was only 10 minutes late. I was tired waiting allnight for him to get off work. Sometimes he would cancel plans due to his workschedule, but I never complained because I understood. He wanted to get sexual with me quickly, but I made him waituntil I was ready a month later. He waited. After we had sex, he began tocriticize me even worse. He questioned everything that I said. He kept bring upthe past (about the breakfast, and being late). He said that “ I am not willingto do for him what he would do for me”. But I never asked him for anything. Hemade a judgment against me and my personality based on the examples mentionedabove. I’m not promiscuous at all. So when I sleep with a person, it’s becauseI have feeling for them. After I slept with him, we were fine until the nextthey I told him the protection gave me an allergic reaction do to the latex…….He told me that it makes no sense to him and it’s all very weird to him. Heaccused me of making excuses that made no sense. I felt so hurt and said aboutdisclosing that information. He said his previous women never had problems likethat so it makes no sense to him. So he dumped me. He told me that he doesn’t understand myoutlook on life. He said that we do not think alike so we cannot get along. Hesaid he wants somebody that thinks like him. He told me that he doesn’t likepeople that make excuses, and that there is no partial credit in life.Everything is in black or white. I’ve never met a person that I have agreed with100% with, but that never hindered past friendships or relationships. I sleptwith him and I feel used. He calls to check on me. He said that he will not have sexwith me again because he does not want to lead me on and hurt me. But it’s toolate because I’m super hurt. He liked me last week, but now he doesn’t want tobe with me after I slept with him. He told me that he enjoys my company, thathe thinks I’m beautiful, and that he is extremely attracted to me, but he justdon’t think the same. I want to cry, but part of me is not surprised because I’vehad an extremely hurtful experience earlier this year about 9 months ago. Ineed to know what I am doing wrong. He seemed so nice to me and interested inme. I really liked him. Then after 5 weeks he decides that he doesn’t think wecan get along. I never judged, criticized, or picked at him at all. I looked athim as a friend. It hurts to have a companion, then it’s over. I don’t havemany friends. In relationships, I’m only looking for a guy to be my bestfriend. I want someone that accepts me for me and to be my friend. I don’texpect that person to be exactly like me or to share all views in common. I’mjust looking for honesty, integrity, trust, morals, and values….I just want abest friend. I have these values that I listed, but no one seems to appreciatethis part of me. I tried to talk to him earlier, and he stayed on the phonefor an hour saying our ways of thinking are way too different. I have neverpresented myself differently and I have been the same person since thebeginning. How could he use those mediocre examples above to pass judgment onme? He never wanted to understand my points of view. I don’t make excuses! Ialways tell the truth! I’m not perfect! He told me that this experience is new to him, and that he never had these issues with other women. I feel like a wierd freak. I need advice. What did I do wrong in this situation? Howcan I improve myself? I always take a long break from dating, but I get thesame result each time. I’m doing something majorly wrong here and I need toknow your opinion of this situation. I feel like a loser. I’m hurt and I wantto disappear. Why do I feel like this after a 5 week relationship? I kepttrying to prove to him that I was a good person, but it didn’t work. I feel like giging up...i really like him. Im blaming myself and beating myself up Edited October 22, 2011 by parkertammy2010
Buttercup84 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 He is an *******. Be glad you are rid of him ! I am sorry you had to deal with that , he wants a 1950ties housewife not a partner. You want someone who will bring you breakfast as well , and the right guy won't demand it.He used you , you sound like such a sweet person and he took advantage of that. You need to build your confidence and expect someone to treat you with respect. I have to work on that too. x
mike588 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I couldn't of said it any better. Buttercups right!
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 Thanks for the responses! I just dont understand whats wrong with me. Im really crying over a guy ive only known 5 weeks and i feel pathetic. People assume i have so much confidence, but it is really low. I can admit that. I dont know what happened to me. I had a nice boyfriend for 6 years that treated me very well, but we didnt work out. We are still very good friends though. Ive been single since 2007, and ive tried dating a little bit throughout the years. The last 2 men that ive dated seem to be very simillar. The first was very controling,mean, jealous, and bossy. It was over after 3 months. This guy that just dump me was very similar now that i reflect on it. It seems like they dump me when i begin to speak up for myself. Why do i keep attracting this type of guy?
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 The guy that just dumped me would get mad because he could not see me whenever he wanted. I didnt want to get out the bed at 1am to go to his house. He would act like a brat and say "But ive worked a long day and i want you here with me". I just wanted to take my time and date him. I only wanted to see him 2 or 3 times a week, but that wasnt enough for him. He would say that " i see you just wont do certain things for me. You made that very clear". "I need somebody that can make me happy because i like to make my woman happy"
mike111 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Hey PT2010. You sound like a really sweet caring person. And this guy was a manipulative bastard. I am sorry he messed with your head. Try to be glad the POS is out of your life. Be well. mike
ffw Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 You did nothing wrong. Don't take it personally. You dodged a bullet. There were red flags from the beginning. Could you spent rest of your life with a such a person? Remember, never give up your dignity & self respect for someone else.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 You sound nice. There are two sides to every story and I haven't heard his, so I'm not going to join the chorus of damning him. He does sound a bit impatient and selfish though. Care to say anything more about what the issues were where he thought differently from you?
lymtal1 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 pt2010, i get what ff posted and to a degree he is right. there are two sides to each story. but we have to go on what you are telling us and i am sure what you are saying is how you feel and what happened to you. you have dodged a bad guy. he is not worth your time. the things that you were doing for him were very sweet and most guys would be happy to have you do that for them. and i know that the good ones would reciprocate and show you the same caring that you were showing him. that is who you should be striving to find. he sent out some red flags that were as bright red as they could get. i am glad that this did not get further for you as it would have gotten worse. there is nothing wrong with you. in fact there is a bunch right with you. any guy would be lucky to have you as theirs. you are feeling this way because you have been unlucky with the guys you have been with and more than likely like having someone to spend your time with and do things for. this is normal. the difference is you seem to pick the same type guys. this is not good for you. take some time now and do some thinking about the things that each of them had as a personality trait that was awful. there will be similar patterns and it's these that you need to be aware of for the next guy that you start going out with. and that will happen just as these did. go slow and get to know them before falling for them. know who and what they are. you know how you want to be treated. accept nothing less.
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 "Care to say anything more about what the issues were where he thought differently from you?" Hi, he was refering to the problems that i listed above. He kept using me being late for the date and me not bringing him the food that he wanted as a reason for are different views. He feels that i cannot give him what he needs based on those situations. I told him that was unfair because he has only know me for 5 weeks. He didnt give the relationship a chance to grow. He saids that he wants a woman that knows how to treat him, and that he works hard and wants what he wants
PrissyDixie Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I agree with Buttercup, he is a jerk and you deserve better!
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 Yes there is always to sides to the story, but this is my side and my experince. He told me that he got rid of the last female because she told him that she will not cook for him. He said that he wants someone that can take good care of him and his wants. I gave him a lot of my time and always appreciated his time. I always told him that. I never asked him for anything. Never placed demands on him. He told me that because i was pretty, that I get away with doing minimal to nothing in relationships because men will still fall for me. He said that based on what i mentioned that he has already judged me. Basically i dont appreicate his time (because i was late) and im not willing to give him what he wants (breakfast). This is the pettiest, mediocre thing that i have ever heard or expereinced. Its like he was testing me to see how far he could get. He said that we think differently because i do provide for him, but its not exactly the way he wants it. He feels that couples should do whatever it takes to please their mates. ANd that nothing should be asked, you just do it! You do it because you think it will make the other person happy.....those are his words! Sadly i never asked him for anything but his time. I told him that he should appreicate the time we spend togther, but he felt that it wasnt enough. He wanted more. He wanted all his needs filled. I mean, this all happened in 5 weeks. It moved to quickly. And i saw the red flags and i ignored them, so i am ashamed.
ffw Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 (edited) You sound nice. There are two sides to every story and I haven't heard his, so I'm not going to join the chorus of damning him. He does sound a bit impatient and selfish though. Care to say anything more about what the issues were where he thought differently from you? Do you always hear both sides of a story before commenting? Edited October 22, 2011 by ffw
PrissyDixie Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 And i saw the red flags and i ignored them, so i am ashamed. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of...you trusted and you cared...that is part of relationships, we learn from every person that touches our lives...please don't beat yourself up for being a caring, trusting woman; don't fall into the trap of thinking you messed this up! As hard as it is none of us can really tell you why, we are not him...we can only give our opinion, but what we can for sure tell you is that based on the things you have disclosed you gave and he took...there should be no shame for you! You are not a mind reader, he needs to be man enough to tell someone what he wants and allow the other person a chance to either do it or walk; it may have went fast but that is nothing for you to be ashamed over! I am so sorry for your pain, 5 weeks or 5 years, hopes are dashed and heartache hurts...don't belittle yourself...heal and forgive yourself - take care of you and love the woman you are, not who he wanted to make you be!
Feelin Frisky Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 "Care to say anything more about what the issues were where he thought differently from you?" Hi, he was refering to the problems that i listed above. He kept using me being late for the date and me not bringing him the food that he wanted as a reason for are different views. He feels that i cannot give him what he needs based on those situations. I told him that was unfair because he has only know me for 5 weeks. He didnt give the relationship a chance to grow. He saids that he wants a woman that knows how to treat him, and that he works hard and wants what he wants Oh so it wasn't "world view" issues like religion and politics, just that he wants what he wants when he wants it the way he wants it? Been there with the female equivalent. Sounds wrong and you're lucky you didn't invest more time.
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 hi, we both had the same religous views, similar political views, etc. The problem was about his wants and needs. I tried to explain myself for hours to him today. I tried to explain that people dont have to be 100% alike to get along. We just needed to have respect for each other and common values such as trust, honest, morals, etc. He didnt see it my way. Ive cried all night. I hate that i can still imagine his voice. I want him to disappear out of my llife. I deleted his facebook connection, i deleted his phone numbers. Im trying to cope. I really liked him, and he has did me really unfair. All he can say is, "you are a good person, and you are extremly pretty, but we just see things differently so we wont ever get alone. Im the same person that he liked 5 weeks ago, and i have not done anything different. As i become older, i get more foolish obviously. I wasnt always this way. I just wanted to meet a nice guy and settle down.
Author parkertammy2010 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 ANd about the red flags, i see these flags in the beginning, but i ignore them each time. I always try to find the best in people. I hate that part of me.
eleanorhurting Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 hey this guy seems like he wasnt worth it at all.
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