amythan Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Hi, I have been reading all these posts about girls sleeping too soon and people almost saying the guy lost interest because of that ... Well, i do not agree at all. Maybe it is not the best way of starting a relationship because of the false intimacy that sex brings to the picture but if both are interested this will not be the problem. I had two very long relationships (5 years and 9 years living with my last bf) and both started with sex. I have never thought about this after i read all these comments. My fist bf and i were hooking up in bars for six months and after a break he asked me out and we were a happy couple for five years. My second bf and i started living together from day one and we split after nine years just because i do not want kids. So not related to this. Everytime I slept with someone and he was distant or disappear right after .. I am sure he was not interested (in a sincere and genuine way) from the beginning and there was nothing i could do to keep him with me. Even more if he judge me because of something we both do together well i think i could not go out with him anyway. If he can do it, why I cannot ? Maybe it is a thing related to europe or the kind of people i like or i use to go out with but i have never seen this being a problem. Do you really disagree ?
Pierre Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Hi, I have been reading all these posts about girls sleeping too soon and people almost saying the guy lost interest because of that ... Well, i do not agree at all. Maybe it is not the best way of starting a relationship because of the false intimacy that sex brings to the picture but if both are interested this will not be the problem. I had two very long relationships (5 years and 9 years living with my last bf) and both started with sex. I have never thought about this after i read all these comments. My fist bf and i were hooking up in bars for six months and after a break he asked me out and we were a happy couple for five years. My second bf and i started living together from day one and we split after nine years just because i do not want kids. So not related to this. Everytime I slept with someone and he was distant or disappear right after .. I am sure he was not interested (in a sincere and genuine way) from the beginning and there was nothing i could do to keep him with me. Even more if he judge me because of something we both do together well i think i could not go out with him anyway. If he can do it, why I cannot ? Maybe it is a thing related to europe or the kind of people i like or i use to go out with but i have never seen this being a problem. Do you really disagree ? I am glad your personal experience has been a good one. I once jump from a second floor and did not break a bone when I landed on the concrete 25 feet below. So my experience jumping from a second floor was a good one, but I do not advice that to others. They could break a bone. I don't think you can make a point using your personal experience. You probably need to cite scientific studies. From my own observation in this forum sex too soon seems to lead to unfavorable results. However, you are the exception. Congratulations!!!!!!!!:cool:
silvermercy Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I am from Europe, too. Hmm... I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I think you were lucky in that regard. You say that those two men were not the only men you slept with, as you also had random hook ups. So if, for example, someone slept with a random 10 like-minded men and had long-term relationships with two of those men, this can be explained by statistics. This way, it may be possible to find a couple of compatible men out of that bunch. The problem is, most women (me included) cannot clearly separate sex with love as well as you did. So, if such a woman was to sleep with 10 men, but 8 of those rejected her after sex, this could wreck havoc in her emotional word. On the contrary, there are people who seem to be able to handle it. Anyway, my point is 1st date sex is usually not recommended for most people because they can't handle the rejection consequences.
Stung Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Amythan, I too think that the dynamic is often far more complicated than it is usually portrayed here. In my past I didn't sleep with men right away very often, but when I did it was because I wanted to, and because we had these great electric conversations, this natural simpatico and glowing connection. Each time it led to a real relationship, some of which were pretty successful. Of course it's impossible to pinpoint exactly why things worked out that way. I suspect I owe some debt of gratitude to my own people picker, as I seem not to have ever been attracted to men who struggled with double standards, massive trust issues and/or modern day Madonna/Whore complexes. In general, though, I do think it's wiser to wait a little. As you said, moving fast can create a false sense of intimacy, or false expectations--and obviously, there are also those out there who are more judgmental and who adhere to what I might consider more rigid and outdated parameters.
Cypress25 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Maybe it is not the best way of starting a relationship because of the false intimacy that sex brings to the picture but if both are interested this will not be the problem. That's the reason it is generally a bad idea. If both people are interested, it will not be a problem. But in the early stages of dating, you have no way of knowing if the other person is as interested as you are. That's why having sex too soon can lead to one person getting hurt. I had two very long relationships (5 years and 9 years living with my last bf) and both started with sex. There are exceptions to every rule. It can happen, it's not impossible. But it's rare. Everytime I slept with someone and he was distant or disappear right after .. I am sure he was not interested (in a sincere and genuine way) from the beginning and there was nothing i could do to keep him with me. I don't think that's the issue. The issue is that the person who gets dumped right after sex usually feels very hurt. It's not that you could have kept him if you had waited longer. But if you had waited longer, you would have discovered that he was a jerk BEFORE you had sex with him. Then you could have avoided having sex with someone who didn't care about you. Most people, especially women, would be hurt by that. But if it doesn't bother you when a guy dumps you right after sex, then by all means, carry on.
Cypress25 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I agree, if a guy is going to do the deed and run, I don't think it matters how long you wait, he will do it anyway. If you wait long enough, he'll run away without doing the deed. That's much better, in my opinion. If I'm going to get dumped, I would rather get dumped before I do something stupid, like have sex with a jerk.
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