confuzed25 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months now...he is 28 and I am 25. We have an amazing relationship. We never fight, we always talk about how much we love and care about each other and lately he has been bringing up marriage quite often. We have both talked about how we just "know" we are perfect for each other and going to end up together. Everything is just so easy with him. But there is one thing that has gotten progressively more troubling to me over the past few months. When he and I first started talking he was very horny, always talking about sexual things and it kind of annoyed me he talked about it so much. He explained that it was because he had been single for a year and hadnt had sex. We started getting intimate after 2 months of dating and we would have sex every night we were together which was 2-3 times per week. On those nights we would have sex 1-5 times per night. He would text me throughout the day naughty things and we would send naughty pictures via text. Over the last 4-5 months though the sex has become less and less. We still see each other 2-3 times per week but have sex maybe once per week and never more than once a night. He says its because we have entered the comfort stage and he enjoys just spending time with me and its enough. He never texts me naughty things and when I try to text him naughty things he barely responds to it. I have asked him if hes not attracted to me and he says hes definitely attracted to me, thats not a problem. There are times when hes very horny, like begs for it but thats very rare. When we do end up having sex its usually not long at all and I never get off. I know for a fact he is very self-conscious about it because he always holds me afterwards and apologizes and says he feels bad for not lasting long. I always tell him its ok because I dont want him to feel bad plus im just happpy to be getting anything. I feel like maybe im not good in bed but I feel like I dont get the chance to because if I do a lot of foreplay it gets him so worked up he gets off even quicker and usually we only have time to try one position so its not like we can have a long initimate session. This is the only thing thats off in our relationship...and I dont understand what I can do or should do because it is something that is bothering me. Ive tried to talk to him about it but he always changes the subject after he says that hes just comfortable with me or that hes been tired lately, etc. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks
TigerCub Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 If you don't get off during IC and he gets off too quickly, and the foreplay gets him too excited. Why doesn't he spend some time getting you off before intercourse? As for why you're not having sex as often as you used to, it could be a lot of things: -you got comfortable with each other and that hot for you, gotta have you phase has subsided a bit. - In relationships, I think there are dips sometimes, and they can be due to other stresses, familiarity (always doing the same thing, nothing to spice things up), health reasons, etc...but it usually comes and goes and from what I hear its normal. -Insecurity: It does sound like your bf is insecure about not being able to last long, and that shows because he's apologizing, he knows he's not getting you off and when you want to talk about it, he's not willing. But that is his issue and he needs to get over it. I'm not sure how if he's not even willing to talk. I hope that someone else here can give you advice on that. Next time, try wearing a cute/sexy outfit that's new to him, and try directing him in the foreplay to how he can give you pleasure and get you off - that way when you have intercourse and he finishes too quick he wouldn't feel as guilty because he was already able to get you off.
Andy_K Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Might be that he avoids it because he knows it's not doing what it should for you. Try getting him to do something for you *after* he's done... you'll probably find that by the time he's got you there he'll be in the mood to go again, and will last longer second time round, solving both problems at once!
ascendotum Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Going from every night sometimes up to 5 times to 'im just happpy to be getting anything', I can see why you are a bit perplexed. I was wondering if there is maybe some sort of resentment given this comment..'There are times when hes very horny, like begs for it', but I assume you would have picked on any sort of resentment. Some people will likely chime in that he's probably getting a bit of crumpet on the side, but again I assume if there was any hint of this you would have indicated. The fact that he cums a bit too quickly might be the issue and certainly seems like he is self conscious over it now. Maybe, but then if earlier in the year he was hammering out 5 sex sessions a day, I would have thought he would easily have the ability to put in another round, that’s absolutely what I would do if I came too quick and felt I was disappointing my gf. I don't get why you made this comment 'we only have time to try one position' and why you can't extend the sex to a 2nd round? Regarding 'I feel like maybe im not good in bed'....are you at all proactive in bed (or in the kitchen, bathroom, car, or wherever) or do you just leave it up to him to always take the initiative in starting the sex and the activities + positions that take place? Starfish sex from a girl does not inspire me to fantasize about her during the day, even if she is very attractive. Have you stacked on any weight in the past 10 mths? Sorry to be blunt but this has definitely killed my passion for wanting to jump the bones of a gf in the past. Good on you for bringing this up in discussions with him and its a shame the dialogue did not result in any clues for you. As a guy if you are not happy with your libido though, it’s a very touchy subject. Just because he is not getting into deep discussion over it don’t take it that he does not care about it, he could likely be stressing about it. (ie the need for apologies when he finishes too quick)
Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Might be that he avoids it because he knows it's not doing what it should for you. Try getting him to do something for you *after* he's done... you'll probably find that by the time he's got you there he'll be in the mood to go again, and will last longer second time round, solving both problems at once! Huh... that's a pretty good idea!!
ChessPieceFace Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Maybe it's just diminished libido coupled with "familiarity." The above advice sounds good, but could see if he wants to start taking a multivitamin and/or a natural herbal libido booster. For me just a multivitamin has a noticeable effect. The hard part would be suggesting it in a way that isn't offensive to his masculinity.
Recommended Posts