JustTired Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 So I posted at the beginning of September that I had decided I was going to get a divorce and leave. I have still been going to counseling over the last couple months. So the day is pretty much here, I have everything in order and I am going to tell my wife tomorrow morning. I am so freaked out I can't even hardly stand it, its been the only thing I can think about for weeks. Every time the thought comes to mind, I feel the blood drain out of my head and hands. I have always been a good guy, I always make the good decisions (to the best of my ability). It is so against my nature to do something that I know will hurt someone else. I don't know how I will get through tomorrow, I know once it is done I will have such a relief. I know that one of my faults is that I avoid conflict to a fault.
Steen719 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 So I posted at the beginning of September that I had decided I was going to get a divorce and leave. I have still been going to counseling over the last couple months. So the day is pretty much here, I have everything in order and I am going to tell my wife tomorrow morning. I am so freaked out I can't even hardly stand it, its been the only thing I can think about for weeks. Every time the thought comes to mind, I feel the blood drain out of my head and hands. I have always been a good guy, I always make the good decisions (to the best of my ability). It is so against my nature to do something that I know will hurt someone else. I don't know how I will get through tomorrow, I know once it is done I will have such a relief. I know that one of my faults is that I avoid conflict to a fault. Have you told her that you are leaving? You say you are going to tell her in the morning, but is that the first time? Does she know how unhappy you are...as in you are ready to leave her? If not, even if you two have been having problems, she will be be blindsided. I hope that is not the case.
willowthewisp Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 So I posted at the beginning of September that I had decided I was going to get a divorce and leave. I have still been going to counseling over the last couple months. So the day is pretty much here, I have everything in order and I am going to tell my wife tomorrow morning. I am so freaked out I can't even hardly stand it, its been the only thing I can think about for weeks. Every time the thought comes to mind, I feel the blood drain out of my head and hands. I have always been a good guy, I always make the good decisions (to the best of my ability). It is so against my nature to do something that I know will hurt someone else. I don't know how I will get through tomorrow, I know once it is done I will have such a relief. I know that one of my faults is that I avoid conflict to a fault. This isn't your decision to make on your own. Marriage involves two people. It took two people to get to where you are and it takes two to repair and only one to break. Perhaps you should consider a different counsellor, because the one you have does not seem to have done a very good job at helping you overcome your conflict avoidance and accept responsibility for your part in the problems in your marriage. You talk in your other thread about how it's ALL your wifes fault. I find that hard to believe, takes two tango.
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Actually, it is his decision to make. Unfortunately and sadly..He doesn't want to try to save the marriage or work things out with his wife. He's had therapy and made the choice to leave and divorce. I commend him for doing something and not sitting there wasting his life, cheating or abusing his wife.., as painful as this is going to be for her (shocked perhaps?) this is the reality. When ONE person truly wants OUT of a marriage, there's not much the other person can do to change their mind. He doesn't love his wife, that's obvious so the only solution IS to divorce.
willowthewisp Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Actually, it is his decision to make. Unfortunately and sadly..He doesn't want to try to save the marriage or work things out with his wife. He's had therapy and made the choice to leave and divorce. I commend him for doing something and not sitting there wasting his life, cheating or abusing his wife.., as painful as this is going to be for her (shocked perhaps?) this is the reality. When ONE person truly wants OUT of a marriage, there's not much the other person can do to change their mind. He doesn't love his wife, that's obvious so the only solution IS to divorce. I respect your opinion, but the use of the word "actually" does not make it gospel! Sadly what you say here is how many many people think now days and why the divorce rate is so high. What people fail to remember or perhaps give any releveance or care to, is that our decisions DO effect other people, not just a spouse but in everyday interactions as well. The world has become so selfish. What happened to trying to live up to our responsibilities, our choices, having conviction? Yes, he may not love her but he did once and he is as much to blame for letting it get into this state as she is. Having therapy does not give someone an automatic pass to railroad another human being. He clearly hasn't EVER mentioned his discontent...that in my opinion is wrong, to walk and not first try, feelings or no feelings left, is wrong...plain and simple. Just because feelings have gone now does not mean that they cannot return, with effort. Just like everything worth having in life takes effort so does maintaining a good relationship. The sooner people stop being so self obsessed and start taking responsibility for their actions, the better IMO. Just my opinion, but it is valid...just as yours is.
joseph17 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I totally agree with willow. I got a divorce but only after trying everything possible to salvage it. We BOTH went through counseling and I tried everything I could to try and save my marriage but it wasn't possible.The point I am making here is a divorce sucks to go through but I don not feel bad because We both tried to make it work and both ended it mutually. I think in this case You admitted you avoid conflict and I think this is a prime example. You are avoiding conflict with your wife and instead of talking to her and letting her know how you feel you decide to up and leave. I hope you know a divorce is not simple and if you have kids involved you will never be done with her anyway. If you think you are making the right choice then good luck with that but I think you are making a mistake.
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