nicolep1016 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Ok, so I know this is gonna sound really stupid. I met this guy online about 2 weeks ago and we have been talking every day since then. In just a short time, we really seem to have a connection. We are supposed to meet in a few days and I am completely terrified. The problem is that he is REALLY attractive and I am not at all. He has seen pictures of me but I look better in pictures. I am SO scared that I already tried to back out once and told him I didn't want to talk anymore. He asked me why and I told him. I can't believe I told him but I wanted to be honest. He told me he didn't care about looks and that I wasn't getting away that easy but I know that once he sees me, he isn't gonna be interested anymore. The fear of rejection is unbearable to think of. Normally, I wouldn't care so much but I really like him. I know this is not normal behavior but I can't control it. What should I do?
Cypress25 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Wow, most people look better in person than they do in pictures. Do you really look that different in pictures? Are they digitally enhanced?
Author nicolep1016 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Well, I don't really look better in pictures but I look better in the pictures that I sent him. No, they aren't digitally enhanced. I don't know what to do because I don't want to go but at the same time, I don't want to lose out on meeting someone great.
FitChick Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 You've got nothing to lose. If you refuse to meet, you've lost him. If you meet and he rejects you, you've lost him. Do the thing you fear. You might be pleasantly surprised. Maybe HIS photos are better than he really looks!
Lilmisus Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 If you're really worried that he wont like what he'll see, why don't you try video chatting with him or sending in pictures that you think make you look worse rather than better. But seriously, don't be so worried. You telling him that probably has made him prepared to see someone who's drop dead ugly, and when he sees you, he'll probably be really relived. Give it a shot
ChessPieceFace Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 There are lots of ways to compensate for not being that attractive, and lots of other things guys care about. Any guy may be somewhat disappointed that the girl isn't a knockout, but he's already seen your pic so your fears aren't well-founded. But if you act like you expect him to hate you, or sabotage things cause of your self-esteem, then that's a new problem that you yourself created. Do your best to look your best, and act your best. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. How much worse would you feel if you jump ship and then think back on that day that never was, where maybe a really great guy would have liked you for who you are?
oaks Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 The problem is that he is REALLY attractive and I am not at all. How do you know what he finds attractive? Dating isn't risk-free. If you want risk-free then go and live in a monastery.
Author nicolep1016 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Thanks for the great advice everyone. I knew what I needed to do but it helps to hear it from other people. I hope I can get through it without having a nervous break down lol
Trovador Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Why don't you send those pictures to one of our female posters, a reliable and mature one? I think you might an honest opinion and maybe some solid advices in areas susceptible of improving, like hair, make up, I don't know... But in the end you can't and shouldn't be hiding all the time, even if you really were unattractive, that I don't believe...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Ok, so I know this is gonna sound really stupid. I met this guy online about 2 weeks ago and we have been talking every day since then. In just a short time, we really seem to have a connection. We are supposed to meet in a few days and I am completely terrified. The problem is that he is REALLY attractive and I am not at all. He has seen pictures of me but I look better in pictures. I am SO scared that I already tried to back out once and told him I didn't want to talk anymore. He asked me why and I told him. I can't believe I told him but I wanted to be honest. He told me he didn't care about looks and that I wasn't getting away that easy but I know that once he sees me, he isn't gonna be interested anymore. The fear of rejection is unbearable to think of. Normally, I wouldn't care so much but I really like him. I know this is not normal behavior but I can't control it. What should I do? Wow, there are really positive signs in this post: That you told him EXACTLY how you felt, was SO healthy and a grand instinct on your part. SO MANY clueless people might have concealed their true selves, only to then SPRING this giant SURPRISE on an unsuspecting person. Usually the shocked person runs from the deceit moreso than the underlying details which were covered-up. What you have going in your favor a great deal is the psychology of the human mind. Your task at this point should be to do everything you can to bring HIS MIND as near as possible to EXACTLY what he'll see upon meeting you. IF you have a horn growing from the middle of your forehead, then TELL him that! IF you have three legs, then tell him that clearly! IF you're 7 feet tall, with big, orange, webbed feet, a yellow, feathered costume, and a long beak, then TELL HIM THAT... you want HIS MIND to ***expect*** exactly the person you will be upon arrival. The more detail you give that is right-on, the fewer possible 'surprises' there will be to deal with in public. So as the clock ticks downward toward your meeting, just keep adding those details to seem to have a hand in swaying HIS MIND toward the 'real-world image' that is you. The conversation you share upon arrival should be incredibly comfortable, and so you'll likely be wonderfully relaxed and excited while you're there together. Just get yourself to that *comfort* by making a point of working at these 'details'.
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