LoveandSuch Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I met a man and there seemed to be instant chemistry. I am also in a really bad place with myself, so not so sure of how out of whack, my chemistry radar is working. He pursued for awhile. Well we met up to talk and he seemed in awe at how good I looked. Okay, now it gets weird, I asked him what he is looking for and likes. Well, he said I want to say something, and then acted like nah, I do not want u to take it the wrong way, but you look like a great you know what! He then started telling me everything he likes, this was some waaaaaay kinky ****, he wanted to tape us, and will not go into rest, was talking about dominance, tying up, bareback or not bareback, role play, grab my hand to prove how much I excited him, he had a glazed like crazed look. He made future plans for us to do all this and went on and on about the chemistry. I did not know what to say....I just had this frozen smile... Well after I left, I just went home and cried...I felt like I was...I do not know. I felt low, he seemed like a normal, nice guy. I had to take a looong shower after just talking to someone. Is this signs of a sex addict? I am at a loss for words...I left alot more out.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Well, he said I want to say something, and then acted like nah, I do not want u to take it the wrong way, but you look like a great you know what! What? A great "lay" so to speak? He then started telling me everything he likes, this was some waaaaaay kinky ****, he wanted to tape us, and will not go into rest, was talking about dominance, tying up, bareback or not bareback, role play, grab my hand to prove how much I excited him, he had a glazed like crazed look. ROFL. Man. I'd have a hard time telling a girl what I was into even if I knew her really well. Not that I'm into particularly weird stuff, but I consider that very private info. There's all kinds of people in the world. Most of them do not share my sensibilities on most things. Most people were not raised properly, most people don't have a proper handle on the world as a whole and on all of the proper behaviors, or proper ethics etc etc. Just sort of the price you pay for leaving the house and interacting with anyone. He was a weirdo and/or had no comprehension of boundaries or discretion. I just think you need a thicker skin. Lower your opinion of other humans, like I have, and maybe you won't be so shocked next time.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I can't say if he's a sex addict. I myself am delighted with just good ol' sex and closeness. I don't grok all that dominance and binding and what not. Unless you're ready to get aggressively into going all that perhaps you should hold out for someone a little less advanced.
Author LoveandSuch Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 What? A great "lay" so to speak? ROFL. Man. I'd have a hard time telling a girl what I was into even if I knew her really well. Not that I'm into particularly weird stuff, but I consider that very private info. There's all kinds of people in the world. Most of them do not share my sensibilities on most things. Most people were not raised properly, most people don't have a proper handle on the world as a whole and on all of the proper behaviors, or proper ethics etc etc. Just sort of the price you pay for leaving the house and interacting with anyone. He was a weirdo and/or had no comprehension of boundaries or discretion. I just think you need a thicker skin. Lower your opinion of other humans, like I have, and maybe you won't be so shocked next time. He said I looked like a great F'ck! I just sat there with a frozen pageant smile on my face, lol, I did not know what to say. When he got started it was like he was in some trance. Well, we were not stragers, have been interacting for awhile. I am no prude, and love passionate sex and like it hot too. But, I am, not a call girl, which sounds to me what he should get. Heck I wouldn't be cheap for that crap, like thousands! I do believe this was a bit much. I was curious and wondering about how intense he was around me, when we interacted before, and how agressive he was in attempt to become my suitor. Maybe i am in the minority, but I was in shock. I have never encountered this before.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 He was weird. But in the future, if you have such a large ethical problem with someone's behavior, maybe it would be best to speak up right away? I understand the mentality of just trying to be polite, I probably do that too often as well, but usually I wish a girl would just tell me what's wrong right away instead of hiding it, then blowing up later or cutting off contact without saying why. Is it possible he misinterpreted your silence + smile and politeness, and maybe other things that had been said online, as being open to his ideas? Thus he unknowingly proceeded to dig the relationship an early grave?
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Maybe i am in the minority, but I was in shock. I have never encountered this before. There is no way to tell if you are in the minority or not and I'm sorry it rattled you so much. A lot of us "bend" this way and have learned that to find others like us, we have to be up front off the bat about our desires. It does not make us sex addicts and I don't think the guy needs to find a prostitute for those types of things he wants to do. In my case, I spent several years on "vanilla" dating sites and grew bored with the men I was meeting because they were not nearly as kinky as me. I finally had to go to a kink site to find the type of man who has the same level of kink as I do and it does not make us freaks or amoral or bad people. I just recently started dating a wonderful surgeon and father of three and you would never know if you looked at us, wandering a museum, a symphony or attending a political function (some of our recent dates), how "depraved" we are when we are alone. Yes, it involves bondage and discipline and dominance and submission... I'm sorry you cried and were overwhelmed - perhaps this guy thought you might have been of a similar ilk and had I experienced a similar date, it would have turned me on. But I needed to find those OTHER interests besides the kink to make for a good relationship. Many kinksters do not and want to base their relationships on the kink alone. We all work differently and I hope you find your perfect guy.
Forever Learning Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) vanilla sex is such a derogatory term for what goes on between men and women, like you think you're so special and above all that cos someone cracks a whip instead or whatever. puleeeezzzz... I am happy to correct you about the nature of who CarrieT is. In fact, it is my distinct honor to do so. And this is not a negative reflection on you, Jane100. Please understand that first and foremost. That's not how I roll. Only some enlightenment about CarrieT, for anyone whose eyeballs are reading this post right now. I would hate for you, Jane100, to have the wrong impression of CarrieT. CarrieT is golden. And I do not say that because she cracks a whip or swings from a chandelier. This commentary has nothing to do with any aspect of her personal sex life. CarrieT is a treasure here at LoveShack and I would hate for you to miss out on all the learning to be had from her experiences, due to you thinking she thinks she's 'special'. This couldn't be further from the truth. I have NEVER read anything here at LoveShack in which CarrieT acts as if she is 'special' and 'better' than anyone else. She is not elitist or arrogant whatsoever, the exact polar opposite in fact. She is a very down to earth person, also an extremely intelligent, articulate and well read business woman with extensive knowledge of art and a huge variety of other subjects (just about anything you could ever inquire about). And, she has always been happy to share what she knows very graciously with anyone who asks. CarrieT is a very humble and kind person, I can easily attest to that from everything I have read that she has written here. She has been through alot of hell in her forty plus years on this Earth, and come out the other side stronger and wiser. And, with a kind and caring attitude, rather than bitter or hateful, which so often happens to others who have a bumpy ride in life. I have learned so much from her very candid and honest posts about her experiences. The posters here who deliver such depth of honesty and experience as CarrieT are few and far between. I just wanted to make you aware of the character and fabric of CarrieT. I would hate for her to ever leave this place, I still have so much to learn from her! As could we all. Edited October 21, 2011 by Forever Learning
Author LoveandSuch Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 There is no way to tell if you are in the minority or not and I'm sorry it rattled you so much. A lot of us "bend" this way and have learned that to find others like us, we have to be up front off the bat about our desires. It does not make us sex addicts and I don't think the guy needs to find a prostitute for those types of things he wants to do. In my case, I spent several years on "vanilla" dating sites and grew bored with the men I was meeting because they were not nearly as kinky as me. I finally had to go to a kink site to find the type of man who has the same level of kink as I do and it does not make us freaks or amoral or bad people. I just recently started dating a wonderful surgeon and father of three and you would never know if you looked at us, wandering a museum, a symphony or attending a political function (some of our recent dates), how "depraved" we are when we are alone. Yes, it involves bondage and discipline and dominance and submission... I'm sorry you cried and were overwhelmed - perhaps this guy thought you might have been of a similar ilk and had I experienced a similar date, it would have turned me on. But I needed to find those OTHER interests besides the kink to make for a good relationship. Many kinksters do not and want to base their relationships on the kink alone. We all work differently and I hope you find your perfect guy. I did not write this to compare people's boundaries or kink levels. I merely believe 2 people especially at first should have a deep mental connection first and that ultimate fullfilling passionate sex can had first without any addition kinky scenes. For myself, those should be later on after a further deeper trustful connection has been established. A little mystery. Fantasy is more my taste than kink, going on a fabulous date and after vivid chemistry the sneaking around the corner of a dark building, and gently lifting my skirt and having passionate sex is hot to me. But having full body latex sex with masks, whips, myself being a dominatrix, wearing strap ons, filming, anal, fisting, umm sorry is not kinky stuff I wish to do with someone I hardly know. I am a fantastic lover and kink to me comes from the passion and naturally lowering of boundaries in the moment.
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