Woggle Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Is actually understanding men. I notice with some women on here they have a very hard time seeing where men come from. They don't get us no matter how hard we try to explain our point of view. They either don't know or don't care which is even worse. How can you have a relationship with a man if you don't even care about what makes us tick? I have found that women who do the best with men truly understand us and genuinely empathize with our lives and what drives us. When most men see that a woman truly understands us or is at least interested in truly it is very much a turn on.
Nexus One Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) I use the depth to which a woman understands me and I understand her as a measure/metric for checking compatibility. One of multiple measures though, not the only measure. I don't tend to mesh well with women who don't understand me and who I don't understand. Edited October 21, 2011 by Nexus One
thatone Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 i'll see your point and raise you the one i most recently broke up with who DID understand, and then when her insecurity kicked in, went looking for other people to convince her to a lesser extent that she didn't, and to a greater extent that the result of that was anyone's fault but hers. i have a new red flag term since breaking up with her, i call it "professional martyr".
Els Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Agreed. However, it is not only men who appreciate a partner who understands them.
Cypress25 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 When most men see that a woman truly understands us or is at least interested in truly it is very much a turn on. Women also appreciate a man who understands her or at least makes an effort to understand her. It's a 2-way street, which is why you might find a lot of women on this forum who don't understand the men on this forum. Specifically, the men who believe the negative stereotypes and make unfair generalizations about women. The men who complain endlessly about the things that women do wrong and who speculate endlessly about why women do such horrible things. Naturally, women are not very understanding of men who talk like that.
iris219 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 You make it sound like all men are exactly the same, and that to understand one is to understand them all. If I care about someone, male or female, I try to understand them and the reasons for their decisions and points of view. I imagine most people who aren't completely self-absorbed and/or lacking in empathy do the same with people they care about.
thatone Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Compassion. but but but, the self help books say to ignore communication, play disinterested, and never do anything to suggest that a woman is interested in a man, because the chase fantasy and dating attention is the real goal, right? whenever not complaining about men who are unwilling to commit to you, that is.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 This is quite ironic, someone who doesnt want to understand what makes women tick, talking about how women should understand you. Especially since you dont want to understand that not all women cheat now matter how much other people try to explain their point of view.
Nexus One Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Women also appreciate a man who understands her or at least makes an effort to understand her. It's a 2-way street, which is why you might find a lot of women on this forum who don't understand the men on this forum. Specifically, the men who believe the negative stereotypes and make unfair generalizations about women. The men who complain endlessly about the things that women do wrong and who speculate endlessly about why women do such horrible things. Naturally, women are not very understanding of men who talk like that. Hello Cypress. Up to your old game again? It is a two-way street, I'll agree with you on that. But unfortunately our understanding of each other ends there Cypress.
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 This is quite ironic, someone who doesnt want to understand what makes women tick, talking about how women should understand you. Especially since you dont want to understand that not all women cheat now matter how much other people try to explain their point of view. Very good point, Eddie...
ptp Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I love an understanding woman....comes in handy when I do something idiotic to tick her off .
carhill Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 but but but, the self help books say to ignore communication, play disinterested, and never do anything to suggest that a woman is interested in a man, because the chase fantasy and dating attention is the real goal, right? whenever not complaining about men who are unwilling to commit to you, that is. I probably misunderstood the OP and merely looked at the thread title and threw out one non-physical aspect I find potently attractive. Oops
Feelin Frisky Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I have little use and little tolerance for generalities about members of a gender. No one understands me until they give me a chance to reveal myself. I am not "men". I don't assume I understand "women". I understand cause and effect and the nature of emotion. Beyond that each person has their own range of how they express and carry themselves.
monkey00 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 They say of the two genders, men are actually more romantic than women are...I think that in itself says a lot. But yes a woman that understands a man is hard to come by. Then again maybe the simplest way to a man's heart is through food
somedude81 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Girl I like and I were going to hang out on Friday. When I tried to confirm plans yesterday via text but she never replied to me. A few texts and day later I started to get mad and I sent her mean text accusing her of ignoring me. Then she got back to me, telling me that she was really busy with school and apologized for not responding. Then she said that we'll hang out on Monday if it makes me feel better. I replied that I was surprised, even after I'd been a jerk to her. She said it was OK that I had a right to be angry. That was amazing.
Cypress25 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Hello Cypress. Up to your old game again? My old game of saying things that make sense? I never get tired of it. It is a two-way street, I'll agree with you on that. But unfortunately our understanding of each other ends there Cypress. I wasn't talking to you, Nexus. Please leave me alone.
snug.bunny Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Is actually understanding men. I notice with some women on here they have a very hard time seeing where men come from. They don't get us no matter how hard we try to explain our point of view. They either don't know or don't care which is even worse. How can you have a relationship with a man if you don't even care about what makes us tick? I have found that women who do the best with men truly understand us and genuinely empathize with our lives and what drives us. When most men see that a woman truly understands us or is at least interested in truly it is very much a turn on. Well it depends on what you are referring to. I.E. what specifically, can females do to be more supportive of you? If it means to support and agree with your campaign towards women and how they all "suck", then no, I don't understand nor want to. Sometimes when you try to be understanding and supportive, it's misconstrued as an invitation to steam roll the person. No thanks.
counterman Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Girl I like and I were going to hang out on Friday. When I tried to confirm plans yesterday via text but she never replied to me. A few texts and day later I started to get mad and I sent her mean text accusing her of ignoring me. Then she got back to me, telling me that she was really busy with school and apologized for not responding. Then she said that we'll hang out on Monday if it makes me feel better. I replied that I was surprised, even after I'd been a jerk to her. She said it was OK that I had a right to be angry. That was amazing. Awesome I set up something with a girl and she didn't reply for a few days. I called her out on it and she was very apologetic but kept doing the same thing next time. Her excuse was that she was busy with studies and work. Fair enough, but I believe you can never be too busy to take one minute to reply to someone. It's just common courtesy. In the end, she said I had said some hurtful things to her when I did call her out on her behaviour and we moved on from there. Why couldn't she have just been accountable for her actions? Meh. Not many women understand me. In fact, not many people understand me. It's funny because I spell it out for some people, literally, and they still think there's a different meaning behind something or I have an ulterior motive. It did frustrate me because a lot of people were getting this false image of me. However, I have learnt to embrace who I really am and not care about what people think. Sure, I get called "weird" and "awkward", but I don't care. I do explain myself here and there, as people get to know me, but I don't bother with people who don't try to understand me or who think they understand me and do something that wrongs me.
zengirl Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I have little use and little tolerance for generalities about members of a gender. No one understands me until they give me a chance to reveal myself. I am not "men". I don't assume I understand "women". I understand cause and effect and the nature of emotion. Beyond that each person has their own range of how they express and carry themselves. Not that I don't get where you're going, Woggle, but personally, I like Frisky's counterpoint. The fact is, I cannot STAND men who say they "understand women" and then try to apply that to me, so I would never do that to men. I will observe on general trends I've noticed, if we're discussing hypothetically or I don't have enough data on the individual, but if given an individual man in front of me to empathize with and understand? I'm going to treat that individual like an individual and get to know who HE is.
Author Woggle Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Well it depends on what you are referring to. I.E. what specifically, can females do to be more supportive of you? If it means to support and agree with your campaign towards women and how they all "suck", then no, I don't understand nor want to. Sometimes when you try to be understanding and supportive, it's misconstrued as an invitation to steam roll the person. No thanks. This exactly what turns most men off. You consider any invitation to be supportive of a man as an invitation to steam roll you.
carhill Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Is it possible to be supportive and compassionate within healthy boundaries to prevent getting 'steam rolled'? I think it is. We see examples of this every day right here on LS. The same can apply in real life. IMO, these areas of personality are large components of what men perceive as a 'good and decent woman'. Healthy men, again IMO, should value such qualities and find them attractive in a potential mate. Yes, we have a more complex mix of preferences than just two and yes, for some men, their physical preferences out-weigh the non-physical ones. It's all part of the dance of compatibility. If the mix doesn't match up, it doesn't. My work has been learning how to separate the women who are truly and sincerely compassionate and supportive from those who use the appearances of such as tools to get something, which perhaps bookends on the poster's comment about getting steam-rolled. One aspect I've noted that indicates sincerity is unexpected and proactive exhibitions of the behavior; essentially 'out of the blue'. When I observe this, I watch more closely how it translates to others and look for commonalities, suggesting a more generalized personality trait versus a situational one. General traits are more 'habitual' and tend to weather the test of time and challenge. They've become a 'default'. In every relationship of consequence, time takes its toll and life is always providing challenges. So in addition to understanding (or seeking it), I think it's healthy in an intimate relationship to have an intrinsic compassion and empathy for the path of one's partner; in essence, seeking to walk it by proxy to 'get' them. That doesn't mean one will always or ever be successful, but the effort, in my view, is attractive. If the genders were reversed and a woman was making the same assertions, she'd have my understanding, compassion and empathy to the best of my abilities and within my boundaries. It's a two-way street.
Cee Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Have you ever met couples that are a pleasure to watch? That you can't be jealous because you are grateful that these models of happy coupling exist? Every time I encounter a couple like that, I notice that the love, affection, and unconditional acceptance radiates from both parties. I think in a healthy partnership, there is a positive give and take. Like even decades after Gracie Allen died, George Burns seems to have her spirit with him. What I am saying is we can't separate him from her. It's a coupled dance.
snug.bunny Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 This exactly what turns most men off. You consider any invitation to be supportive of a man as an invitation to steam roll you. I said, sometimes. It depends on what I am being supportive of...So, what is it that you wish more women were understanding of, or are you just speaking in generalities?
serial muse Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I said, sometimes. It depends on what I am being supportive of...So, what is it that you wish more women were understanding of, or are you just speaking in generalities? I suspect that the subtext here is that women should be more understanding of why men mistrust women
Recommended Posts