Discouraged.

[Whipple]

I've been in my LDR for 4 months now, that's 4 out of an ideal 24 months for our LDR. 16% of the way there! I've been visiting him pretty regularly; on average I'll spend 2 weekends a month with him. So I shouldn't feel sad, right? Wrong. This past weekend we were talking on the phone and he said that he was concerned that I'm not adjusting well to the new city (we were in a CDR but I had to move for work) and wondering if that's the reason why I come to visit him twice a month. He's worried that I don't have any friends, hobbies, etc. WTF? I do have quite a few friends but I just choose to not talk about them very much. But what hurts me is that it seems like he doesn't want me to visit him. Why else would he say that? I'm shocked that he said that because during our last visit, he talked about how great it was.

 

There's also a huge elephant in the room so-to-speak in many of our conversations. Basically in the summer of 2013, he's going to be moving. My plan is to hopefully move to wherever he's moving to. I told him that plan but that was before we were actually LD. In a lot of our conversations recently he's been talking about moving and finding a job in 2013 but he never mentions anything about what will happen to our relationship. I don't know if I should bring it up. I mean, this won't be happening for a while and who knows how things will be then. We may not even still be together. I don't know if it's worth getting stressed over, but I just feel like I'm being glanced over and ignored with any future plans.

 

I really don't know what to do or think with all this. All I know is that I'm feeling really discouraged right now and could use some support/advice. Thanks

[Viking]

I hate when your SO decides to worry about how you're getting along. It pisses me off when my GF worries whether or not I am doing OK. Usually it is a sign of stress on their part and they are trying to make it seem like they are not the ones who are stressed about anything, despite the fact that they are the ones who "left" so to speak.

 

As far as advice goes on the 2013 thing, I have kinda learned to not bring the future up so much as it usually puts a lot of pressure on the relationship when you don't really need to. 2013 is still a ways away, so it really isn't on his mind as his present is currently occupying him. Same with my GF, I would like to go and move to where she is in about 3 months, but she isn't wanting to talk about it due to her feeling "pressured" by me to talk about the topic. However, if I move to Taiwan, I kinda have to get stuff in line-like find a job, place to live (her apartment isn't big enough for two people), plane ticket etc.

 

It is frustrating to say the least, because without a definite future plan, there really is no easy way to make it through an LDR because the whole point of the LDR is the R. If you can't be with them or at least plan a future with them, where is the point?