sweetblubrry Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) My ex and i broke up in january of this year.... it was six months of going back and forth until I finally cut him off in june because i was tired of crying all the time. I have not talked to him since June. I started seeing this new guy and we have been together since Mid July. This guy is wonderful and treats me so well compared to the past guy.... all that one did was lie to me and not communicate with me and i was just unhappy. But I still loved him and enjoyed his company. The past two days I've been thinking about my ex and i miss the good times that we did have. I saw that he joined FB again so I've been thinking about him. I don't know if we ever really got closure... so is that what is bothering me? I still have so many I don't understands... about the whole thing. But really I just need to accept that he is insecure and has a lot of mental issues. but it still bothers me from time to time and I miss him even though I am with this really sweet new guy who gives me everything. I care for this new guy, and it is for sure more stable. I've always gone for bad guys so I dn't know if maybe it has to do with that my affections were always being challenged with this other one whereas my guy now I don't have to worry about it. i care a lot about this new guy too... but why am I so broken up about everything? Been dating this new guy for 4 months... I feel like its too long to be thinking about the other one. I was only with him for about 6 months so it is the same amount of time almost! it is kind of amazing the impressions that people leave on our hearts. Edited October 20, 2011 by sweetblubrry
mike588 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 My ex and i broke up in january of this year.... it was six months of going back and forth until I finally cut him off in june because i was tired of crying all the time. I have not talked to him since June. I started seeing this new guy and we have been together since Mid July. This guy is wonderful and treats me so well compared to the past guy.... all that one did was lie to me and not communicate with me and i was just unhappy. But I still loved him and enjoyed his company. The past two days I've been thinking about my ex and i miss the good times that we did have. I saw that he joined FB again so I've been thinking about him. I don't know if we ever really got closure... so is that what is bothering me? I still have so many I don't understands... about the whole thing. But really I just need to accept that he is insecure and has a lot of mental issues. but it still bothers me from time to time and I miss him even though I am with this really sweet new guy who gives me everything. I care for this new guy, and it is for sure more stable. I've always gone for bad guys so I dn't know if maybe it has to do with that my affections were always being challenged with this other one whereas my guy now I don't have to worry about it. i care a lot about this new guy too... but why am I so broken up about everything? Been dating this new guy for 4 months... I feel like its too long to be thinking about the other one. I was only with him for about 6 months so it is the same amount of time almost! it is kind of amazing the impressions that people leave on our hearts. Sounds like what happened to me. I met my now ex. after her breakup and we dated almost a year but I knew deep down inside she still had feelings for her ex. and sure enough she dumped me 3 months ago to go back to him. I was heart broken!!!!! I was the nice guy and gave her so much like your new guy. If you still have love in your heart for your ex./want him back you may be using this new guy (not on purpose) to fill the void or as a distraction on your feelings for you ex.?? he could be your rebound guy. Don't go to fast or lead the new guy on to strong if you still have strong feelings/love for your ex. maybe you should talk to him about it. You apparently didn't have enough time to "heal' over your ex. before you started this new relationship.
Author sweetblubrry Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 You are right. I was not over him when I started dating this other guy. I haven't thought of him at all these past few months.... Why now? And what can I do? I could never date him again bc he hurt me so much and he will never beableto give me what I need in a relationship. This guy is clearly the good one and what I need what I have right now.
mike588 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 You are right. I was not over him when I started dating this other guy. I haven't thought of him at all these past few months.... Why now? And what can I do? I could never date him again bc he hurt me so much and he will never beableto give me what I need in a relationship. This guy is clearly the good one and what I need what I have right now. Well my ex. said the same thing (never go back.) Maybe the reason you haven't thought of your ex. is due to the excitement of the new relationship. I can't tell you what to do or how to get over your ex. I don't like your statement of,,, This guy is clearly the good one and what I need what I have right now,,, right now?? Yes your "using him" to mask your pain of your ex. Poor guy. I'd go VERY VERY SLOW with this new guy, you might want to tell him how you feel. Rebounds take off like a rocket then come crashing down a few months later. Looking back on my situation I wish I would of seen the "red flags" (still attached to her ex.) and told her I can't give you my heart until you are completely over your ex. and went much slower in our relationship. I didn't and paid a heavy price,,, I'm still not over her, but getting there.
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 You apparently didn't have enough time to "heal' over your ex. before you started this new relationship. Sorry to hear Mike & Sweet. The answer to your question is in these lines. You are not being true to yourself not to your current bf. You still have feeling for your ex & that's a big red flag. If you tell your current bf about your situation, I won't be surprise if he ends up the relationship. In my case, I am her ex bf & she's with another guy. Mike: I know it hurts but it was good that it ended. If a relationship is not meant to be, then its better to end up ASAP. With time you will release that it happened for good. Take care both of you.
mike588 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Sorry to hear Mike & Sweet. The answer to your question is in these lines. You are not being true to yourself not to your current bf. You still have feeling for your ex & that's a big red flag. If you tell your current bf about your situation, I won't be surprise if he ends up the relationship. In my case, I am her ex bf & she's with another guy. Mike: I know it hurts but it was good that it ended. If a relationship is not meant to be, then its better to end up ASAP. With time you will release that it happened for good. Take care both of you. Thanks for your kind comments. When I said tell him about it(feelings towards ex) well your right he may end it right there.Wish I would of!! Maybe you should just say,, I'm afraid to fall in love at this time,,, we need to slow down, I'm confused about how I feel towards you, I'm not quite ready to go to the next step in this relationship. By the way that's what my ex said to me,,, but kept leading me on. There is a chance too that if you say that he may just say,,,See ya,
YouNeverKnow86 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 My ex and i broke up in january of this year.... it was six months of going back and forth until I finally cut him off in june because i was tired of crying all the time. I have not talked to him since June. I started seeing this new guy and we have been together since Mid July. This guy is wonderful and treats me so well compared to the past guy.... all that one did was lie to me and not communicate with me and i was just unhappy. But I still loved him and enjoyed his company. The past two days I've been thinking about my ex and i miss the good times that we did have. I saw that he joined FB again so I've been thinking about him. I don't know if we ever really got closure... so is that what is bothering me? I still have so many I don't understands... about the whole thing. But really I just need to accept that he is insecure and has a lot of mental issues. but it still bothers me from time to time and I miss him even though I am with this really sweet new guy who gives me everything. I care for this new guy, and it is for sure more stable. I've always gone for bad guys so I dn't know if maybe it has to do with that my affections were always being challenged with this other one whereas my guy now I don't have to worry about it. i care a lot about this new guy too... but why am I so broken up about everything? Been dating this new guy for 4 months... I feel like its too long to be thinking about the other one. I was only with him for about 6 months so it is the same amount of time almost! it is kind of amazing the impressions that people leave on our hearts. sweetblubrry, Okay please listen to my advice because I really believe I can help you. You do like your new boyfriend and this is who you should be with but your problem lies within. You seeing your ex through FB brought back those feelings you had for him that would have never resurfaced if you didn't have FB. Also which one of the guys is most similar to your father? Both looks and personality? Now this whole scenario struck a chord for me because my ex girlfriend left me out of the blue for something similar to this. Everything was perfect but her ex boyfriend who she once loved messaged her randomly through FB and she just went into a funk. Broke up with me because she was comparing her feelings for her ex with her feelings towards me. You can not allow this to happen because you have a great guy in front of you and you would never be second guessing yourself if you met this guy before your ex. If your ex never existed this wouldn't be an issue.
mike588 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 sweetblubrry, Okay please listen to my advice because I really believe I can help you. You do like your new boyfriend and this is who you should be with but your problem lies within. You seeing your ex through FB brought back those feelings you had for him that would have never resurfaced if you didn't have FB. Also which one of the guys is most similar to your father? Both looks and personality? Now this whole scenario struck a chord for me because my ex girlfriend left me out of the blue for something similar to this. Everything was perfect but her ex boyfriend who she once loved messaged her randomly through FB and she just went into a funk. Broke up with me because she was comparing her feelings for her ex with her feelings towards me. You can not allow this to happen because you have a great guy in front of you and you would never be second guessing yourself if you met this guy before your ex. If your ex never existed this wouldn't be an issue. Oh how I wish you would of told my ex this before she dumped me.Sorry, don't mean to steal this thread. Great post/reply though.
Author sweetblubrry Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 The truth of the matter is... no matter what I could never go back to my ex. He is not good for me, and has a lot of issues. He will never be able to make me happy. But that does not change the time that I spent with him and the memories we do have. It is simply just not an option even if I do miss him. I do care about this guy a lot (my bf now) and in answer to youneverknow, the guy now is more like my dad. He is very mature and responsible and cares a lot about others. So not true of the other guy. And you are right, the problem lies within. But it is not a matter of choosing... because my bf now is clearly the right choice. But I can't still help how I feel. It is not that I have feelings for the other one, but rather miss what we did have. Does that make any sense?
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