thebig-guy Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Ok just need to post this as im feeling pretty damn $hit today. 3 weeks since being dumped. Thought id moved on but i seem to be having a relapse after speaking to the ex recently on the phone only to find out shes really happy now. Shes fully aware im not over her and has already told me she knows ill ring her back in a week. This in itself pi$$es me off cause she knows/or thinks i will keep ringing her. I have to stop. Im just so upset to know that my ex is moving on so quickly. Shes on holiday abroad for the next 2 weeks (after working there 8 months) and seems to me like shes having the time of her life. Meanwhile im say here a mess thinking about what if or what could have been... I thought i was past the stage of randomly getting upset but obviously not. Why is it so bloody hard for me to move on! I mean i wasnt even that bothered about her until the relationship started falling to bits.. Please say theres other people in my position... I dont know whether to punch a hole in the wall or collapse onto the floor in tears. :'/
ken_25 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) Not only are there people in your position but there are people way worse off than you. You need to stop contacting her, there is a thread in the coping forum for this type of thing. Just post every single time in there, even if it seems stupid, just try it. Forget about being moved on so soon, that's unrealistic, everyone heals at their own pace. it's going to take much more time to heal from this. So stop beating yourself up for not being moved on yet, ok? Just because she gives the illusion she is so happy doesn't mean she is on the inside. Fact is, you can't know for sure what she is feeling on the inside. Her best friends might not even know the truth and if she tells them "oh I'm so happy now" it doesn't make it true. So try and focus now. NC is best for you, take that time to focus on you as much as possible. You aren't going to just forget her, but you have to try to keep shifting your focus away from her. Keep busy and hang out with good people. Edited October 20, 2011 by ken_25
Author thebig-guy Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 thanks for that. This is probably the weakest day for me. So im hoping that if i can keep my NC i will be just that little bit happier tommorow. I was actually moving on very nicely but after seeing photos of her with someone else i went back into depression mode. She is now blocked on facebook and all her friends news feeds hidden. Clearly this girl has shown that she does not want anything to do with me anymore. I just havent accepted it yet
broken-and-lost Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 3 weeks really is nothing in terms of moving on and healing i'm a year down the line and it still hurts but not as bad you will have up's and downs, the move contact you have the harder it will be will only ever be a temporary fix. Try to go NC if you can and just take it one day at a time good luck m8
mike588 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Ok just need to post this as im feeling pretty damn $hit today. 3 weeks since being dumped. Thought id moved on but i seem to be having a relapse after speaking to the ex recently on the phone only to find out shes really happy now. Shes fully aware im not over her and has already told me she knows ill ring her back in a week. This in itself pi$$es me off cause she knows/or thinks i will keep ringing her. I have to stop. Im just so upset to know that my ex is moving on so quickly. Shes on holiday abroad for the next 2 weeks (after working there 8 months) and seems to me like shes having the time of her life. Meanwhile im say here a mess thinking about what if or what could have been... I thought i was past the stage of randomly getting upset but obviously not. Why is it so bloody hard for me to move on! I mean i wasnt even that bothered about her until the relationship started falling to bits.. Please say theres other people in my position... I dont know whether to punch a hole in the wall or collapse onto the floor in tears. :'/ Three weeks is NOT alot of time to heal. You will have good days and bad days for sometime. I'm almost 3 months into being dumped and I have come along ways but every now and then I have a setback, it's normal. When I last talked to my ex. 2 1/2 months ago the tone in her voice was she was so happy, and in an email she said she was.(She's back with her ex) It also upset me, I was hoping/wanting her to be sad,,sorry or to cry about what she did to me. Maybe they are masking the pain by "acting happy"?? You need to stop all contact with her!!! Go strict No Contact!! NOW!!! Keeping in contact with her will only prolong your pain!! Do what you have to, to grieve, don't hold it in. I'm sorry to say it's going to take some time to get over her. I joined a gym and it helps soooo much! You will be getting ALOT of good advise here, hang in there. Keep posting if you feel you need to,, I did and it helps so much.
Author thebig-guy Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Im not usually one to ponder over things for more than a month. Ive NEVER had this feeling in my life. Ive been hurt before but its usually gone after a week. I feel for you guys if your still hurt. Surely the pain has settled a bit though? I cant imagine feeling like this for 3 months. Ill end up in a mental institute!
mike588 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Im not usually one to ponder over things for more than a month. Ive NEVER had this feeling in my life. Ive been hurt before but its usually gone after a week. I feel for you guys if your still hurt. Surely the pain has settled a bit though? I cant imagine feeling like this for 3 months. Ill end up in a mental institute! It's an AWFUL feeling!! Yes the pain has settled alot but I'm not 100% over her yet,, only in time. Please follow the advise of others here it's so helpful. Do you want her back?? If you do let her know how you feel (if you haven't already) not over the phone or in person because all the emotions start flying,, send her a short,brief email let her know what you want, expect then end it there,, NO MORE CONTACT!! You've cleared the air as far as what you want now it's up to her.If you keep contacting her,, begging, pleading, crying you will look pathetic and weak and just push her further away!! Be strong, leave her alone and move on!
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 As other members already mentioned, stop being a doormat guy. She already knows when you are going to call. What kind of impression do you think you are giving her? She's going to think she made the right decision. Ofcourse, she's going to date other guys. Why do you want to check her photos, call her, etc..? Your world does not revolve around 1 person. Be a man stand up & take the pain. Show her you don't need her & you can live without her. Why do you want to waste your time on someone who dumped you? She doesn't deserve your time & energy. She moved on. Why are you still hanging? Move on & find another girl.
headsashed Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 i agree with NC,its the best way,ive been told so many times on here to do it and everytime i started it,i failed,it wasnt often i contacted her 1st but i replied to her txts most of the time,im nearly 6 weeks into being dumped and its still tearing me apart but i would have healed more if i had been NC from day 1. Im starting a fresh with NC and now im on day 2 and its super hard but its what u have to do,if my ex txts or anything ill be so tempted to reply but i wont,this time im being strong,if i can do it,im sure you can because im emotionally weak. Ive just seen my ex drive past me 10 minutes ago and it makes me want to txt her,but instead ive come on here to post,it does help pal,believe me. All i do when i get the urge to contact my ex is just do something,clean up,walk the dog,come on here,after a little while that temptation starts to fade and if it comes back i will do the same. NC is the way now,hope this helps you.
Author thebig-guy Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 yes you guys are right! Im making her feel like shes made the right decision by looking desperate in front of her. I will show her that i dont need her to live my life. I know i can do NC for the next 9 days because she will still be abroad. I just have to keep this going once i know shes back. I was going to write her a letter and keep it for a month in my draw then open it and actually think about what ive wrote and whether i want to send it still. do you think this is a good idea? The letter would basically be me telling her i still love her. nothing to complicated. I figure if i know its there then it will give me a reason not to contact her. And when i reach the 1 month stage i can either edit it or bin it but not send it...
ken_25 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Writing the letter is a good idea. Writing multiple letters is even a good idea, however.. do NOT send them. You can go NC and stay in NC, you're capable of doing it. Writing your feelings down and writing letters to them can be very therapeutic. But forget about sending anything, do not continue to contact her. Enough is enough.
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 No, again its a sign of being a doormat guy. She already know you are not over. How many times you want to remind her that you love her? Remember, if you are thinking about reunion, it has to come from the dumper side & not from the dumpee side. No matter whay you say, do or feel is not going to change her mind. You need to disappear from her life. Give her time & space to miss you.
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Forget to say write letters as much as you want but don't send them. One day, when you are over her, you will throw/burn them yourself. Trust me. Take care.
Kamila Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Ok just need to post this as im feeling pretty damn $hit today. 3 weeks since being dumped. Thought id moved on but i seem to be having a relapse after speaking to the ex recently on the phone only to find out shes really happy now. Shes fully aware im not over her and has already told me she knows ill ring her back in a week. This in itself pi$$es me off cause she knows/or thinks i will keep ringing her. I have to stop. Im just so upset to know that my ex is moving on so quickly. Shes on holiday abroad for the next 2 weeks (after working there 8 months) and seems to me like shes having the time of her life. Meanwhile im say here a mess thinking about what if or what could have been... I thought i was past the stage of randomly getting upset but obviously not. Why is it so bloody hard for me to move on! I mean i wasnt even that bothered about her until the relationship started falling to bits.. Please say theres other people in my position... I dont know whether to punch a hole in the wall or collapse onto the floor in tears. :'/ Why were you dumped ?
fenderjames Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Hi brother . Hope today is a bit better for you . All I can tell you is this .... Im 2 months in to FULL NC . No updates from friends , no calls texts . Absolutely nothing . It sucks man . But , I dont feel worse . I feel pretty crap 24/7 ... but it doesnt get worse at any point ( nothing is triggered ) due to the no contact thing . At some point it will get better . Stay strong friend .
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