Libra16 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 So, my boyfriend and I were together for 4 years, then we broke up and I started dating someone else not long after. Although this new guy was so sweet and wonderful, I realized he was not for me. I missed my (then) ex very much. My boyfriend at the time and I started spending less time together (not because of my then ex - I was a college student and working), and eventually, he got upset and I couldn't take the clingy nature of him and we mutually agreed to split. Me and my ex (current boyfriend) decided to get back together. This was 2 years ago. My current boyfriend and I had a pretty good sex life, until about a year ago. We have not had a decent sex life since then. I always thought it was because we were working and there was so much stress on our living situation and finances. That, I understood. It eventually (as much as I love sex) didn't bother me anymore, until recently. My hormones are raging and we start off good, but my boyfriend just goes limp. We finally had a talk last night and he tells me why. He says, "All I can think about is you and (him)." -ouch- How can my boyfriend get over me being with someone else DURING OUR BREAKUP???? (FYI - He was with a couple of people during that time)
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 So, my boyfriend and I were together for 4 years, then we broke up and I started dating someone else not long after. Although this new guy was so sweet and wonderful, I realized he was not for me. I missed my (then) ex very much. My boyfriend at the time and I started spending less time together (not because of my then ex - I was a college student and working), and eventually, he got upset and I couldn't take the clingy nature of him and we mutually agreed to split. Me and my ex (current boyfriend) decided to get back together. This was 2 years ago. My current boyfriend and I had a pretty good sex life, until about a year ago. We have not had a decent sex life since then. I always thought it was because we were working and there was so much stress on our living situation and finances. That, I understood. It eventually (as much as I love sex) didn't bother me anymore, until recently. My hormones are raging and we start off good, but my boyfriend just goes limp. We finally had a talk last night and he tells me why. He says, "All I can think about is you and (him)." -ouch- How can my boyfriend get over me being with someone else DURING OUR BREAKUP???? (FYI - He was with a couple of people during that time) Hello Libra, When I was with my 1st gf. I used to have problems with her past (previous bf's). I got over it because of good communication, trust, love & time. Give him space & time. Show how much you care & love him. Show your world revolves only around him. Eventually, with time hopefully he will overcome it. It worked for me so why not him. Good luck.
norajane Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Me and my ex (current boyfriend) decided to get back together. This was 2 years ago. My current boyfriend and I had a pretty good sex life, until about a year ago. So you got back together 2 years ago, but the problems in your sex life only started 1 year ago. What happened a year ago? Why wasn't your bf so jealous (google retroactive jealousy and learn a lot about what your bf is feeling) during the first year you got back together? What changed a year ago that put those images in his head? I'm sorry to tell you, but based on the guys who post here about retroactive jealousy, there isn't a whole lot you can do. Rather, nothing that you do will help much. This is some kind of sickness that eats them up inside imagining their gf's with past partners, and they can't get over it using logic or reason. It's a horrible place in their heads and they can't escape it. It's also a horrible position for you. Because now you start feeling guilty (even though you have no reason to) and you start feeling responsible (even though you didn't do anything wrong, and didn't do anything to cause this issue in his head), and you bend over backwards to show him how much you love him and that does very little to help, and then you get frustrated, and he blames you for having had sex with someone else and enjoyed it...you see? this is downward spiral drama that will end your relationship. Counseling might be a good thing at this point. He's not going to get past this on his own. If it's been going on for the past year, his thoughts are firmly stuck in this spot.
leoc1973 Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Ok I have had the identical problem as you. When we first got back together I couldn't get her with him out of my head. This past guy was a male model with an absolutely ripped body so I guess that is where I was picturing her with a guy that she was probably more attractive than me. What she did was tell me he was horrible in bed he was absolutely horrible and she thought about me the whole time and cried after. All of the sudden I felt like a stud again. I think what goes on in our minds is that we are going at it doing our best and you might be thinking about someone else. Do you ever ask him whats wrong in the middle of sex? Don't do that cause sometimes a guy starts to go a little limp and then his mind starts racing about it and then its just dead. What ended up working for me is that I got through the sex a few times without ever going limp and then it was over. It never happened again. Its all psychological once you know that in your own head there is no problem it kinda goes away on its own. What ever you do don't break up with him unless you want it to be over forever cause a second time I think he won't be able to come back from. My recomendation to you is to get some viagra. He just needs to know in his head that he is the best you ever had and that he is gonna be able to stay hard the whole time. Unless this guy is damaged goods he will get over it. Don't worry and don't and I mean don't make a big deal out of it. Did you give him details of the last guy and tell him anything like how good he was? if you did that then take it back. Lie if you have to tell him you told him that to get under his skin or make him jealous. Just whatever you do make your man feel like a stud.
Author Libra16 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Posted January 8, 2012 Ok I have had the identical problem as you. When we first got back together I couldn't get her with him out of my head. This past guy was a male model with an absolutely ripped body so I guess that is where I was picturing her with a guy that she was probably more attractive than me. What she did was tell me he was horrible in bed he was absolutely horrible and she thought about me the whole time and cried after. All of the sudden I felt like a stud again. I think what goes on in our minds is that we are going at it doing our best and you might be thinking about someone else. Do you ever ask him whats wrong in the middle of sex? Don't do that cause sometimes a guy starts to go a little limp and then his mind starts racing about it and then its just dead. What ended up working for me is that I got through the sex a few times without ever going limp and then it was over. It never happened again. Its all psychological once you know that in your own head there is no problem it kinda goes away on its own. What ever you do don't break up with him unless you want it to be over forever cause a second time I think he won't be able to come back from. My recomendation to you is to get some viagra. He just needs to know in his head that he is the best you ever had and that he is gonna be able to stay hard the whole time. Unless this guy is damaged goods he will get over it. Don't worry and don't and I mean don't make a big deal out of it. Did you give him details of the last guy and tell him anything like how good he was? if you did that then take it back. Lie if you have to tell him you told him that to get under his skin or make him jealous. Just whatever you do make your man feel like a stud. Thanks.
MrsNoMo Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 Well, if you find the answer to your question I would love to hear it as I am in the same situation as your boyfriend. Honestly, I have never been a jealous person but this is driving me insane even though we were not together for few months when he slept with someone else so that's not cheating, right? But why can't I stop thinking about it????? I try hard to believe when he says that that was the biggest mistake in his life and if he could change things he would. It is driving me crazy!!!!
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