vsmini Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Reflective of 'styles', IMO it's rude to publicly talk about another's SO whom one has not met, even in jest, in any way suggesting intimacies or interactions one has no knowledge of. Like I said, perhaps their styles don't match up. Myself, I wouldn't have written back, since I don't do the Facebook interaction thing, but I certainly would have a few choice words with my partner. I definitely wouldn't apologize for my style of interaction. If it comes across as rude, owned. I agree with carhil Her comment was really annoying and I can't stand it when a guy has a female harem. Let alone feel that she has to be accepted by these girls. I wouldn't have responded to her FB message but I would have been irritated.
The Tiger Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Stop trying to rationalize your immature behavior and listen to what the overwhelming majority of posters here are telling you. She's known him longer than you have. Maybe that's just the vocabulary that they use.
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 She's known him longer than you have. Actually, no she hasn't. I met him in the 2nd grade.
vsmini Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) I'd also like to add - that even though the OP should probably have just let it go, the entire idea of girls being protective of their guy friends and who they date is ridiculous. Leave that behavior behind when you graduate from college. It might have been playful but many women tend to give a sneering eye to the new girls and just hide it under a mask of "just being protective of our guy." These women are in their thirties - give me a break. He doesn't need or care about your nosey means of protection 9 times out of 10 these girls are just upset becaue the guy they've been friend-zoning for the past 15 years has his attention somewhere else now. Of course it could just be playful but most of the time it isn't and it's just girls staking their claim in their friend-zoned territory. Edited October 20, 2011 by vsmini
Star Gazer Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Actually, no she hasn't. I met him in the 2nd grade. Maybe you've known him longer, but it sounds like she knows him better, in a more well-rounded way. And I agree with everyone else... you didn't respond well.
zengirl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I'd also like to add - that even though the OP should probably have just let it go, the entire idea of girls being protective of their guy friends and who they date is ridiculous. Leave that behavior behind when you graduate from college. It might have been playful but many women tend to give a sneering eye to the new girls and just hide it under a mask of "just being protective of our guy." These women are in their thirties - give me a break. He doesn't need or care about your nosey means of protection I don't see anything territorial or really even protective about the comment the friend made. She said she wanted to meet his girl! That's just social and friendly. The "our" is a little bit familiar, sure, but that's the way friends talk quite often. I don't see it being a catty thing at all or that they were looking to protect the BF or judge the OP. I saw no sneering---I see a girl who was genuinely saying, "Let's meet your girl already!" which is the opposite of sneering; it's being inclusive and happy for your friend and his new honey. Just a shot in the dark: Are you perhaps bringing a little baggage to this analysis?
vsmini Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I don't see anything territorial or really even protective about the comment the friend made. She said she wanted to meet his girl! That's just social and friendly. The "our" is a little bit familiar, sure, but that's the way friends talk quite often. I don't see it being a catty thing at all or that they were looking to protect the BF or judge the OP. I saw no sneering---I see a girl who was genuinely saying, "Let's meet your girl already!" which is the opposite of sneering; it's being inclusive and happy for your friend and his new honey. Just a shot in the dark: Are you perhaps bringing a little baggage to this analysis? Absolutely I'm bringing baggage into it so I know I have a very biased and probably not-too-accurate account of what is really going on with this particular OP but I still stand by what I said. I think a lot of woman do get nasty when the new girl comes in and hide behind the guise of being protective - pisses me off. It is true that in this case the girl did write that she did want to meet her and it did seem playful....as I also pointed out in my last post two times that it could be playful. I would venture to now state that this girl is probably not the malicious college/mid-twenties girls I've come across but I wouldn't completely mark it off the list. The best thing the OP can do I suppose is ignore what I said (lol) and at least meet the girl with an open mind. That's the only way she can really know if she gave the girl a 100% fair shot.
BeyondtheClouds Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I'd also like to add - that even though the OP should probably have just let it go, the entire idea of girls being protective of their guy friends and who they date is ridiculous. Leave that behavior behind when you graduate from college. It might have been playful but many women tend to give a sneering eye to the new girls and just hide it under a mask of "just being protective of our guy." These women are in their thirties - give me a break. He doesn't need or care about your nosey means of protection 9 times out of 10 these girls are just upset becaue the guy they've been friend-zoning for the past 15 years has his attention somewhere else now. Of course it could just be playful but most of the time it isn't and it's just girls staking their claim in their friend-zoned territory. This was my first thought as well. I have met far too many attention whores who think they "get along better with men than women" and like to act like ringleaders with their male friends. Interesting that vsmini pulled out the word "protective" which has come to mean controlling. Just like the word "to care" has been highjacked to mask controlling intentions as well. The FB message would have gotten my antenna but I would not have responded like that. Maybe not at all, since not responding is easier, you don't have to think about what to say. As far as the shacking up remark, these days most people assume that sex is going to occur after a couple of months of dating (or sooner anyway). On a public forum like FB, I would just let that go. Obviously, if it's important to you to, say, get your own room when staying over night, then yes, you would need to speak up.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) I don't know if it's common but, one of my boyfriend's "close" female friends of 11 years acted friendly to me initially and turned out to be one of those "ring leaders" --- and she was even married (though she had already cheated on her husband a couple of times heh). My theory is that she didn't have any self-esteem... As far as the relevance to the OP --- it's a possibility but, it's too hard to know for certain based on just one message... Edited October 20, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
zengirl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 This was my first thought as well. I have met far too many attention whores who think they "get along better with men than women" and like to act like ringleaders with their male friends. Though, in this case, it is a circle that is mainly women (thus I would conclude the women all get along with each other as well), since two other gals were mentioned. I wouldn't say the woman in question, from the data given, has given us any reason to believe she "gets along better with men." Plenty of people have friends of BOTH genders. I find it almost as odd when someone doesn't have friend of the opposite gender as when they don't have friends of their own gender, personally, but that's sometimes a generational thing.
Els Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 It doesn't matter whether what the other girl said was a good joke or not, the point is that she acted friendly while the OP reacted rather rudely. Although she posted here to obtain comments and advice on her response, it seems she is only interested in defending herself even though the large majority of posters have agreed that she was out of line. Ah, well.
D-Lish Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 It doesn't matter whether what the other girl said was a good joke or not, the point is that she acted friendly while the OP reacted rather rudely. Although she posted here to obtain comments and advice on her response, it seems she is only interested in defending herself even though the large majority of posters have agreed that she was out of line. Ah, well. I wouldn't have batted an eye at such a comment. If you don't don't want your personal life to go public, don't join a "social network" on a "public" forum like Facebook! If it were me, I would have responded with sugar. If you're truly a professional, you'd know that being diplomatic can disarm most potentially volatile situations before they arise. Whether or not her intention was malicious or not is up for debate- but you just set yourself up for an uncomfortable first time meeting with his close friends.
Els Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Ditto. I may not have thought it in good taste but I'd never respond like that to a 'friendly' speech, no matter what my suspicions about motive and substance were. After all, suspicions are just that, suspicions - they may not be right, and responding snippily to a seemingly friendly comment is just a surefire way to establish oneself as a rude person.
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