Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 My boyfriend has a lot of female friends. Because we are a little long distance (about 2 hours away from each other), I haven't met a lot of these women yet. However, one of them said something on facebook the other day that sorta rubbed me the wrong way and I'm wondering if maybe I'm just being uptight? Also, I wanted to know if my reply was appropriate or over the top? She said: I will have to set up time in my day to stalk my friends home pages it seems. And you went on vacation? How was it? Where did you go? Please bring Jane to the party!! I want to meet her! I'm sure that Heather and Harm do too! We need to know who "our Mike" is shacking up with. The last line is the part that sorta irritated me. HER Mike? And I'm sorry, but I'm not 'shacking up' with anyone! I don't know....maybe I'm being a little touchy. So here is what I wrote: "Your Mike" isn't "shacking up" with anyone, Nikki. I'm a lady. Thanks for the invite, but I have plans. I hope you guys all have a lot of fun though! Happy Halloween!!!! Was that over the top or did I appropriately defend myself of a minor slight? Sock it to me, LS!
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 I don't know if this matters or not, but we are all in our 30's.
Survivor12 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yeah, I'd say that you were a bit out of line. It sounds like this girl is one of a group of his friends who like and care about him so I don't really understand why you would be so defensive with her in the first place. It is really not that unusual for a group of friends to refer to another member of the group as "our xxx". Beyond that, she wasn't talking to YOU. She didn't invite you to the party--she was leaving that to Mike--so to respond regarding the invitation one way or the other was, at the very least, presumptuous. As far as the "shacking up" comment, perhaps she was kidding OR maybe you need to ask Mike what he is telling his friends. In my experience, alienating yourself from a guy's closest friends is not a good idea. Hopefully, you'll have an opportunity to smooth things over.
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 I don't know....maybe i'm old fashioned or uptight or both. The idea of strange women making glib comments about my sex life on a public forum like facebook just doesn't appeal to me.
Onlyjonley Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yeah, you were definitely being way too uptight. She sounded like she was just kidding around and having fun. Your response was a bit bitchy and may not make the greatest impression.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 You came off as catty, uptight, and then nosey and intrusive on top of that, considering that this post wasn't even on YOUR facebook! Yikes. If I were the friend, I'd be thinking "man, Mike's gf is a real peach!" Hopefully if you ever actually meet his friends, you can do some damage control. In the meantime, chill. No one made comments about your "sex life," it sounds like they were just kidding around.
Ebony78 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yes you were rude. I refer to my friends as "our <insert name>" as do many other people. There was nothing wrong with what she said, nor can I see anywhere in the message you posted where she posted "glib comments" about your sex life. It comes across like you're threatened by her, to me at least.
carhill Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Maybe yours and his styles don't match up, given that people generally gravitate to friends with similar styles. When is the party and are you going? Time to meet the friends, IMO.
make me believe Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 You came across as super weird and kinda bitchy. It's not like she said MY Mike. She said OUR, referring to the whole group in an affectionate way. I think you just made a really bad impression on his friends.
zengirl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I guess everyone's already said this, but yes, your comment was the weird one. She seemed genuinely excited to meet you, so it's kind of sad. Hers sounds friendly and nice.
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 I'm confused....doesn't "shacking up" mean living with and sleeping with someone out of wedlock? Maybe I misunderstood the term.
O'Malley Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 It sounds like she was just teasing him. You're not acquainted with her, so it's easy to read suggestions into statements where there necessarily aren't any. The best response would have been none at all. As you're now past that, just have good intentions and a positive outlook when you actually meet his friends.
InJest Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Just send that friend a message and tell her that you apologize if you came across as rude, but you misinterpreted what she said and didn't take it as a joke.
zengirl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I'm confused....doesn't "shacking up" mean living with and sleeping with someone out of wedlock? Maybe I misunderstood the term. Sometimes it does, but in her context, I'd just take it as someone he was spending all his time with, dating, etc. With my group, we use the term hibernating, but it's about the same thing. It's that whole "Who's stealing you away?" joking vibe. I don't think any judgment of your wholesomeness was intended.
carhill Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Reflective of 'styles', IMO it's rude to publicly talk about another's SO whom one has not met, even in jest, in any way suggesting intimacies or interactions one has no knowledge of. Like I said, perhaps their styles don't match up. Myself, I wouldn't have written back, since I don't do the Facebook interaction thing, but I certainly would have a few choice words with my partner. I definitely wouldn't apologize for my style of interaction. If it comes across as rude, owned.
st11 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I'm confused....doesn't "shacking up" mean living with and sleeping with someone out of wedlock? Maybe I misunderstood the term. It's no different than calling my Buddie's girl his wife. will have to set up time in my day to stalk my friends home pages it seems. And you went on vacation? How was it? Where did you go? Please bring Jane to the party!! I want to meet her! I'm sure that Heather and Harm do too! We need to know who "our Mike" is shacking up with. And I wouldn't worry about this message, this was totally written as a buddy kind of thing nothing more!
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Reflective of 'styles', IMO it's rude to publicly talk about another's SO whom one has not met, even in jest, in any way suggesting intimacies or interactions one has no knowledge of. Like I said, perhaps their styles don't match up. Myself, I wouldn't have written back, since I don't do the Facebook interaction thing, but I certainly would have a few choice words with my partner. I definitely wouldn't apologize for my style of interaction. If it comes across as rude, owned. Thank you, that's how I feel too. I feel like stuff like that is private and not up for public discussion, even jokingly, among people I don't even know. My friends and I wouldn't joke about stuff like that on facebook. We'd find it immature and considering that a lot of us are professionals with a lot of clients as facebook friends, unprofessional. To me, it's just classless.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 You probably left a bad impression... But, if it's true to you, so be it. Her message was put on the public part of his page and it included you in it so I don't see anything absurd about replying to it (she could have sent him a PM after all). I doubt I personally would have responded but, depending upon the time of the month, I may have . Perhaps with even less tact than you... I can get pretty feisty and possessive Alas, I have no facebook or myspace etc etc... heh.
Author Janesays Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Her message was put on the public part of his page and it included you in it so I don't see anything absurd about replying to it (she could have sent him a PM after all). Honestly, if she had sent the same, exact message via PM, I wouldn't have had a single problem with it. I was just very embarrassed by the fact that she basically told everyone on his facebook page (including his GRANDMOTHER) that I was 'shacking up' with him....which isn't even the LEAST bit true!
louise_23 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 My boyfriend has a lot of female friends. Because we are a little long distance (about 2 hours away from each other), I haven't met a lot of these women yet. However, one of them said something on facebook the other day that sorta rubbed me the wrong way and I'm wondering if maybe I'm just being uptight? Also, I wanted to know if my reply was appropriate or over the top? She said: The last line is the part that sorta irritated me. HER Mike? And I'm sorry, but I'm not 'shacking up' with anyone! I don't know....maybe I'm being a little touchy. So here is what I wrote: Was that over the top or did I appropriately defend myself of a minor slight? Sock it to me, LS! haha, surfing the red sea or what! chill out!
zengirl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Honestly, if she had sent the same, exact message via PM, I wouldn't have had a single problem with it. I was just very embarrassed by the fact that she basically told everyone on his facebook page (including his GRANDMOTHER) that I was 'shacking up' with him....which isn't even the LEAST bit true! I mean, are you a 30 year old virgin? If you're super religious and have never slept with a guy or something, I get it. But I don't get the whole issue with the words "shacking up" personally, and you used the word "wedlock" earlier. I guess it depends on your background. To me, what she wrote is not at all offensive. Wouldn't leave it on my wall, due to my field of work, but my FB is under lock and key for that reason and I should really probably take it down and would if I didn't have international friends on it. But the way of talking just seems normal to me, for 20s/30s folks on FB. However, if you are actually a virgin waiting till marriage and your BF has the same values, maybe I could understand your shock and appall but otherwise, I'm just not getting what the issue was or the "I'm a lady!" indignation. How is living with someone without be married NOT being a lady? While my grandmother didn't do it in her generation, even SHE wouldn't think it was that odd these days, as she's seen some of her kids and grandkids do it. Was his grandmother scandalized? It just seems a weird assumption to make that anyone would think poorly of you for her making that comment or that it was embarrassing to you. IN FACT, the friend was trying to be friendly and inclusive towards you, from how I read it, and perhaps wanted you to see it because she seems like she really wanted to meet you at the party and potentially be friendly.
Els Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 C'mon, I'm sure you've had prior experience with differing styles of humor. Live and let live. You probably sounded like a stick in the mud to them, but to you they sounded classless. Okay. Accept that your humor styles differ and try to be more tolerant in the future.
Ilovewater Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yes, you definitely overreacted to her comment. If anything, her comment is a good sign of his friends wanting to get to meet and know you. New girlfriends/boyfriends are always "teased" by friends. It shouldn't be taken personally. Also, I'm not sure I understand why "shacking up" is such an offensive term, especially if it's used in a joking manner. Plus, it's on your boyfriend's Facebook wall and not yours. Your clients, professional contacts, and friends shouldn't be able to see that comment anyways.
make me believe Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Remove stick from butt. Omg seriously!! I also agree with zengirl's last post...
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