Buttercup84 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Mack said something about this , so I am giving it a go. I don't think we should be too hard on ourselves , everyone could do with some improving. Just become a better you rather than someone else. You have to do it for you , not for your ex. Mine : Not put up a wall when I like someone , and not become cold when I know someone likes me because I get scared and feel insecure. I felt insecure about being affectionate with my ex as he was my first relationship and I did not have much experience being romantic with men. Be more independent I was lost when I met my ex , no job , living at home and not too sure what I wanted as a career.Didn't really have any hobbies or didn't make an effort to meet friends. Be so damn insecure about myself I always put myself down , even if it is in a joking way. I do not allow myself to shine or enjoy the spotlight for once. I always compare myself to other girls and feel so plain and boring compared to them. Let out my bad moods on people I love I admit sometimes I would pick fights with my ex , push him to get a reaction. I really didn't think he would ever leave Not thinking before I act I am a very emotional person and act on impulse and have done many stupid things because of that. I must learn to calm down first and take a big breath and stay classy.
Mack05 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Wow Butter me and you have the same flaws hahaha...For me it's... 1) Stop being so judgemental!. We all have pasts, we have all made mistakes. Previously, I would judge a girl on the mistakes she made in the past. I found out in Therapy I did that, because I wanted to deflect away from dealing with my own inner demons, so I would focus on hers. This is the one area that I have made the most progress on. 2) Improve self esteem. I have made big strides here. I work out a lot, been a better friend/famly member but this is an ongoing objective. Self esteem doesn't improve over night. It takes time..In my 20's when I was a handsome cocky git . I wouldn't care when an ex would describe how gorgeous her ex boyfriend was. Now it causes me to doubt myself and/or compare myself. Uugghhhhh Mack! All you can do is keep working hard, forgive yourself for past indiscretions, make as many right choices as you can and the rest takes care of itself. 3) Cut down on over analyzing, over thinking. In my last R, all I did was focus on reasons why I wasn't compatible with my ex, instead of really getting to know her and enjoying the relationship during the good times. I was constantly analyzing things. It drove her mad as you can imagine. There seemed to be always a question. 4) Not thinking before I act. let me copy you butter.."I am a very emotional person and act on impulse and have done many stupid things because of that. I must learn to calm down first and take a big breath and stay classy" 5) Insecurity/Indecisiveness. Because, I made so many bad choices in my early 30's, I still doubt myself now, instead of fully trusting and believing in myself. It has caused me to become very indecisive. This is a big turn off for girls. I still have A LOT of work to do here. It is definitely my biggest weakness right now. 6) Glass half empty person. I have been so negative the past few years. I was VERY self critical of myself. Now I am a glass half full person. If I notice myself criticise myself, I stop myself. my Therapist give me some cool techniques to avoid being sekf critical. I now try to be positive in everyday life. I have found that it has made a huge difference. I'm sure there is more but that is enough for now!
eleanorhurting Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I think this is a good idea 1- Be more driven by myself. I need to learn how to push myself to excel. I swear I have gotten this far to 3rd year of medical school because since my 2nd semester of freshman year of college there was always a boyfriend pushing me to be the best i could be. I used to be able to do that for myself before and I need to be able to do it again. 2- Be more secure of myself. ahhh this is a tough one. 3- Learn how to not be codependent. 4- Learn how to not lash out my anger. This was the main excuse the "ex" used for not wanting to be with me. 5- Finally put the past away. For good! 6- This sounds superficial but i actually want to lose like 7 pounds and be in better shape. I used to be a lot more fit.
Mack05 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 adding another two.. 7) My communication in a relationship was so poor in the past. I recently bought a book "why can't you read my mind". Every couple should read this book. It's changed my whole outlook, on how I should communicate with my partner.. 8) Copying Eleanor. Be more self driven to achieve my goals..
Author Buttercup84 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Mack , might add yours to mine too hehe. Eleanor I have the same traits as you . I put on weight after losing a lot after the breakup , mostly because I stopped going to the gym and eating crap when I am sad .
k100danny Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 1) Learn to be happy with myself first I look to people i think in relationships to add something that is missing, i cant quite put my finger on what it is, maybe for validation. i need to learn to be secure and happy with my life before i can truly be happy with another person 2) Deal with my insecurities and jealousy in relationships I am usually quite a confident person, maybe not as confident as i appear to be but by no means an insecure wreck. i have to learn to understand that jealousy a lot of the time is due to insecurity and believing something is a threat to me rather than blame the other persons actions. Sometimes jealousy is because of something someone did though and i shouldnt blame myself for everything all the time 3) Learn to understand what i really want from a relationship and what will make me happy, don't think that because i dont like something about someone i have to change my views, they are my views and they may be selfish but sometimes you have to be honest to be happy I didnt really understan what i wanted from a relationship and maybe i still dont but it has made me ask myself the question and try to be honest with myself. I do need reassuring in relationship and i like to feel wanted and important to someone. I must also learn that getting attached and feeling anxious is not a sign of how much you love someone just a sign thatyou fear rejection and being alone which i shouldnt. I also need to change the view of thinking secure people can be boring, sometimes that spark isnt because its so special its because you are on edge and your feelings get mixed up. 4) Become more independant and dont get attached too easily. I have a tendancy to get attached into a relationship even when my mind is telling me otherwise, my last relationship i wasnt even sure i wanted for many reasons but i got attached so quickly. 5) TRY TO BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE This isnt a way of saying im a liar or i try to deceive but i will sometimes tell people what they want to hear without even thinking about it. sometimes this is a good thing when comforting a friend ect but in relationships i think it is best to be honest and open from the beginning. if it doesnt work out you walk away. you have to be happy and although i suppose at times you will compromise when you love someone it shouldnt effect your happiness These are just a few things i can think of at the minute but im sure i will think of more. Lots of these came to light while in my last relationship, and although i think if i changed them before i would have had a better relationship i am not changing for my ex im changing because of what i found out. these things all relate to my happiness.
k100danny Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I almost forgot. learn to comunicate better and not use protest behavious. i need to learn what my feelings mean and not react. if i have a problem i need to think about it and understand it then voice my oppinion.
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