sadprincess Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) Hey, even though we are the dumpees....dumpers aren't just aholes just to be aholes. They have qualities about them that were turn-offs. We at that time were just blinded by it all. Now lets gather our thoughts and open our eyes to see that we DIDN'T LOSE after all! I know there are good things we've missed, but obviously we're single now so the bad >> outweighs >> good. Who cares how embarrassing it may be. I don't know you, you don't know me. And my ex has apparently moved on (and only he will know these intimate details)....so no one knows me on this site. i'll start. its long. you don't have to read all my stuff. but you can post about ur own situation so when you're feeling down, go back to this page and remind yourself why you're better off without your ex. i hope it works! 1. few years ago, some older woman fb messaged me for a 3-some claiming she knew my ex. confronted ex. denied it. i believed. 2. a year or so later, on his computer, saw that he was on a cougar website before. confronted him. said he shares a computer with his brother. (i'm an idiot...i know! don't judge!) i'm 4 yrs older than him, i'm in early 30s, but people mistaken me for 16. Guess I'm mature in the mind, but too adolescent in the face for him. 3. his cousin got in my face before (b/c he doesn't like me because i'm not of his culture). told him about it. he did nothing. 4. his brother was supercool with me before my ex and i dated. i even threw the kid a bday party (we all went to same school)...and once his bro and i dated, he ignored me at school. lame! told ex. ex apologized for his bro's behavior, but claimed he can't change some people 5. his friends of the same culture (cuz in his town, his people only hangs with his people...its not until school he realizes...hey....non-his people are good people too!)....were rude to me. one guy said i wasn't "lady-like" because I like to have drinks every now and then. wow! um....i didn't lose my big "V" until i was 27 (to him)...even though i was in a 7 year relationship before hand...and I didn't drink until 26. my ex's ex is same culture as he....lost her "V" when she was in college (early 20s) and drinks occasionally (like me). but in his friend's eyes, i'm not a lady. i'm not a prude by all means. i don't care if you did whatever at whatever age! but don't judge me! and his friend did, because i wasn't "their culture" 6. i helped encourage my ex, motivated him to study, made outlines to simplify things for him for our big exam...the exam that determines our future jobs. when i failed, he bailed on me. 7. we live in diff states. i'm not a future for him. i'm not present to hang with him. so he's gonna spend next 3 years screwing girls (not his race) until he goes back to his hometown to marry his "golden" girl. 8. he's manic. when hes happy, he's super happy. when he's sad, he's majorly depressed. 9 he's fake. he used to dog people at school, now he dogs people at his new job. but when theres a chance to go out and party....he's there with them. i keep it real. if i aint ur friend....i aint ur friend. if i have to go to school/work with u, i'll be civil. but i aint hanging out with u on my free time. he's el desperado. his co-worker told him one time at work he's gonna punch my ex in the face....oh well....all forgot. i saw pics of them drinking on facebook together. 10. his topic of conversation: when we were at school...only about school. when he went to work...only about work. anything outside of those 2 topics...sports. other than that, he's may have past that "big" test, but he's a flake when it comes to....politics, religion, world history, traveling, etc etc. 11. He had a gambling problem before he met me. his family (and mostly his culture) is of wealth, and but he never valued money. i taught him what real avg joes face and that we all can't buy bmw's when we're 16. he loved being around me and people (not his race) because we weren't shallow or show-offs. well without me....he's prob spend all he earns and live paycheck to paycheck! or gamble it all away! 12. he grew up thinking its cool to go to clubs, get a table ($2000) for like 4 people, he pays 100 bucks for bouncers to not have to wait in lines....i mean...i felt kinda like a "princess" because I never been around "cool" people ever in my life. but i'm a big fat dork who loves harry potter movies and disney world...and choose those things over the club scene. we went to those them parks a month ago....and he LOVED it. but i guess he rather be around his usual crowds and be clubbers. 13. He's too much into the whole slap the face kind of sex...the rough stuff. i pretend and play along with it. but all the time? i see in movies the rough stuff...but passionate rough stuff...and i miss what its like to do that instead of getting a slap in the face all the time. role playing and all is great every so often. but i think he forgot what its like to make real love. passionate sex is hot too you know. not everyone wants to be bitch slapped all the time. (Again, no one knows me! don't judge! i'm being honest. this is to help me heal!) 14. he gave up on me. and us. he didn't fight. and now I know why. i was never longterm with him. and now i'm out of sight, out of mind. he has a girl (who has her own history of divorcing her husband after SHE cheated) that he's "hanging" out with. she's gross looking. and i'm not just saying that. i never thought of her as any competition because her background info and she's not physically attractive. i'm not super model, but i do look 100x better than her. but i think he wants to screw as many people as he can until he marries that girl of his culture. well this helps me realize i'm better off without him. i just have to keep reminding myself! and since this is all public....maybe one day he's feeling low, he gets on this site...and reads what a loser he is! Edited October 20, 2011 by sadprincess
antz2411 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 12. he grew up thinking its cool to go to clubs, get a table ($2000) for like 4 people, he pays 100 bucks for bouncers to not have to wait in lines....i mean...i felt kinda like a "princess" because I never been around "cool" people ever in my life. but i'm a big fat dork who loves harry potter movies and disney world...and choose those things over the club scene. we went to those them parks a month ago....and he LOVED it. but i guess he rather be around his usual crowds and be clubbers. 13. He's too much into the whole slap the face kind of sex...the rough stuff. i pretend and play along with it. but all the time? i see in movies the rough stuff...but passionate rough stuff...and i miss what its like to do that instead of getting a slap in the face all the time. role playing and all is great every so often. but i think he forgot what its like to make real love. passionate sex is hot too you know. not everyone wants to be bitch slapped all the time. (Again, no one knows me! don't judge! i'm being honest. this is to help me heal!) whats wrong with 12? sh its fun i do the same sh it. 13 is pretty hilarious! but damn if you listed that many, why the hell were you even with him if you had that many turn offs because of how he is?
Mack05 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) Would rather not focus on my ex(s) flaws, but list the bad things about myself. I want to correct those things, so that I can be a better boyfriend going forward. Therefore my future relationship, will have a far greater chance of success. Focusing on ex's faults/behaviours is a pointless exercise which gets you nowhere.. Edited October 20, 2011 by Mack05
Buttercup84 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Would rather not focus on my ex(s) flaws, but list the bad things about myself. I want to correct those things, so that I can be a better boyfriend going forward. Therefore my future relationship, will have a far greater chance of success. Focusing on ex's faults/behaviours is a pointless exercise which gets you nowhere.. But sometimes it does help you move forward , seeing them as not so perfect. My ex annoyed me with some little things , but I wouldn't list them as flaws .But when you list that they didn't treat you right , were rude to people , took drugs etc then you can see them in a different light. But I do agree with looking at your own flaws.Might do that now
Mack05 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 But sometimes it does help you move forward , seeing them as not so perfect. My ex annoyed me with some little things , but I wouldn't list them as flaws .But when you list that they didn't treat you right , were rude to people , took drugs etc then you can see them in a different light. But I do agree with looking at your own flaws.Might do that now Butter I agree with this but the big problem people have is focusing on their ex for too long. I think a few weeks of focusing on the breakup/ex's faults is totally natural, but it should only last for a few weeks. Anything longer then that, is not good for your own personal recovery. A big mistake I made in the past was just focusing on my ex or beating myself up for my mistakes. Therefore my recovery took a lot longer then it ever should have. Not only that, I made the EXACT same mistakes in the next relationship. I didn't learn, because I took the focus away from me on to my ex.
Buttercup84 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Butter I agree with this but the big problem people have is focusing on their ex for too long. I think a few weeks of focusing on the breakup/ex's faults is totally natural, but it should only last for a few weeks. Anything longer then that, is not good for your own personal recovery. A big mistake I made in the past was just focusing on my ex or beating myself up for my mistakes. Therefore my recovery took a lot longer then it ever should have. Not only that, I made the EXACT same mistakes in the next relationship. I didn't learn, because I took the focus away from me on to my ex. Yeah I get what you are saying.That is my problem too. I am beating myself up for the way I sometimes treated him , I apologised during and after the breakup a hundered times , but if I bring those flaws into the next relationship there isn't a real point. It takes two to tango. x
Buttercup84 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Butter I agree with this but the big problem people have is focusing on their ex for too long. I think a few weeks of focusing on the breakup/ex's faults is totally natural, but it should only last for a few weeks. Anything longer then that, is not good for your own personal recovery. A big mistake I made in the past was just focusing on my ex or beating myself up for my mistakes. Therefore my recovery took a lot longer then it ever should have. Not only that, I made the EXACT same mistakes in the next relationship. I didn't learn, because I took the focus away from me on to my ex. Yeah I get what you are saying.That is my problem too. I am beating myself up for the way I sometimes treated him , I apologised during and after the breakup a hundered times , but if I bring those flaws into the next relationship there isn't a real point. It takes two to tango. x
TheDovic Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 But sometimes it does help you move forward , seeing them as not so perfect. I totally agree with this statement Buttercup. When I idiolise my ex I can't stop thinking about her and it eats me up inside that she is so "perfect" and that I can't have her. However it really helps ease these feelings when I acknowledge her flaws, and whilst this isn't as healthy as solely working on myself, it makes things easier for me. Sooo, to answer the thread, the one thing I can complain about is my ex's perfectionism and work addiction. I think she has a work addiction for the following reasons, which were a problem for me: - She took work home with her to every night, weekend and holiday. - The only activity she engaged in or talked about was her work. - She frequently "problem solved" work situations during her "time off," i.e. when at the cinema etc... - She always appeared to be lethargic and depressed because of her work load. - She believed it was okay to work long hours. - She worked 12-14 hours every day. - She was afraid that if she didn't work so hard she would lose her job or be a failure. - She worried about work even when things were going very well. - She became irritated when I asked her to stop doing her work in order to do something else. Maybe it wasn't healthy for me to think about all of these things, but it's really put me look at my relationship from a more realistic point of view!
tomm Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 well i'd just like to give my ex a BIG thank you for lyeing to my face , and for her cheatting on me those are flaws hope she has a wonderful funfilled life when the KARMA comes back around
ffw Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I really don't understand the logic behind this thread. Why do you want dig a grave? What's done is done. It's time to move on. If you let yourself think about your ex then you are causing a delay in your healing progress. No one is perfect not your ex nor you. So, instead of focussing on the ex, try to focus on yourself. What's the point of writing 100 bad things about your ex when he/she is never going to see nor you can do anything about it. A relationship succeeds or fails because of the people involved. So, instead of concentrating on ex its better to concentrate on ourself & reflect to avoid repeating it in the future.
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