sadprincess Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I was back on facebook for a few days, and last night, i get a message from an anonymous person saying, "(Ex's name) and I are going to have fun at (so-and-so's) concert without you." like wth? i texted him immediately texted him and was like who is this person? i said, it can't be a guy, a guy could care less! who is she, and what's going on? his response: "what? what now? what are you talking about?" i said someone sent me this message....blah blah blah. but its anonymous, who is it? who is she? his response: "what? what? just leave me alone. why can't you move on?" me: who is she? why did she message me? him: "its nothing, i was maybe thinking of going to a concert with a group of my co-workers." i said: "you better tell me, or i'll find the truth myself. i can easily get hold of your co-workers.(i wasn't really gonna do it, just a threat...maybe)" him: ok, don't contact them, i'm going with "(girl's name/co-worker"). me: why did she text me that? what? is the truth out now? you're dumping me for her? him: leave me alone. what? what? what do you want from me? me: i don't respond. ....until today. i said: i hope you get payback for all the bad things you've done to me, i hope you get all the horrible things you deserve in life. i wish you were dead. he said: wish i was dead? don't ever contact me again. -end of conversation- ughhh! i said it out of anger. of course i don't wish someone to die! but i said it, and I regret it. and feel like the devil. he's the unfaithful one, but i'm the monster who wishes death on people.
Author sadprincess Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 what i said was such a jerkface thing. now i feel awful.
Author sadprincess Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 when in reality...i wish i was dead.
2sunny Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 you are willing to grow negative energy bigger... why are you doing that? you can stop - and you should. get busy focusing on some positive things in your life!
TheDovic Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 You were devastated and overwhelmed! You said this because you didn't know how to cope with the intense emotions you were feeling. And this is a very human thing to do. You are not a bad person, just someone who has been abandoned, betrayed and then treated like s**t. Don't beat yourself up over saying this, it was just an emotional response!
Author sadprincess Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 dovic, its true, i was so overwhelmed with all this new information. i was so upset...in the back of my mind, i knew there was something else, more than just the "my family won't accept you because of your race" issue. and last night!? some random person taunting me...saying she's and my ex made plans to go to a concert? like wth?! and confronting him, he gets made at ME. he's tells me to leave him alone. I'm NOT the one who opened the can of worms! an anonymous message and he just expects me to ignore it? he's the punk. he's the liar. he's the cheater. i spoke out of emotions, anger, out of a broken heart. i didn't mean it. but i said it to him. he should be the one feeling guilty. but i am. i'm the psycho ex. i feel like a monster. what's wrong with him? what's wrong with me?
M2155 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 If it were me, I'd send him a note saying hope you are alive. I said those things out of intense anger and of course don't wish you dead. I won't bother you again. And then don't. (only because on the super-duper slim chance he dies you would feel soooooo bad- I would anyway)
Author sadprincess Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 yes, i sent him an email minutes after i said that to him. i told him i didn't mean it and that i was just angry. i said that i won't contact him anymore. so don't know whether he read it, cares, or anything. i'm really upset with myself for it, because now he probably doesn't feel like the jerk, he's most likely thinking, "thank god i got rid of that psycho".
M2155 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yeah but a lot of us have done that, don't be too hard on yourself:o. I agree with your statement, I'm hoping that when I run into my ex one day enough time has passed that he'll have forgotten the emotional reaction. Right now there is nothing you can do but forgive yourself and try not to worry what he thought.
Author sadprincess Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Thanks m2155, a lot of my friends know me and know I'm not a freak, like u they say not to worry what he thinks but to focus on me and my healing. My words are hurtful, but so are his actions. I don't think he intends on hurting me.. Lifes life and peoples feelings change if they allow it... And he ended up hurtin me. My words stung, but I didn't mean it. So there, we re even. Off subject, but by golly I hope to lose 10lbs, pass this exam that determines my life, land a great job in a great city and meet someone better looking them him, and more if a man than him. One can only dream right? I hate to tell myself that because as of now, me not being here>>>> better than suffering now.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 This just proves you're not over your ex, but that doesn't make you a monster. It makes you human. Try to let go, do the "no contact" rule, and stick with it!
Author sadprincess Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Yesss harddays, no more contact. Ur right I am human. Besides, words are easy to spit. Takes balls for actions. And he showed his actions. That took effort. I regret telling him I wish he was d***. But karma is karma and from what I gather from this forum, guys hurt and dwell more than girls! So he'll meet his mc dreamy and she ll play him like a fool he is.
shayla Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I've said the same things at the time of my breakup. But you know what? You could have been sweet as sugar to him, and he could still make you out to be the psycho, my ex did! You have to get to the point that you don't care about what he or any of his friends think of you. What matters is how you feel and what you are going to do to move on.
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