hexagon Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 My story begins a bit more than one year ago. I fell in love with a colleague from work through a lot of talking, getting to know each other, being open about everything, best communication ever. It was the same for him. But we didn't confess anything to each other till we finally met, feelings got deeper, but he left still without saying what we feel. the moment he left, we confessed to each other our love and we started a relationship. We had long talks daily for hours and hours, laughing and having a great time together. We saw each other once in 2 weeks the most, although he was the one paying for the flights every time, even if I wanted to do it but he wouldn't let me. Our love got bigger and bigger, made plans on when to move there with him. He wanted this year but I suggested next year to make my family get used to the idea as well. He accepted it. Everything was great, we were unbelievably happy, we were both saying to each other how lucky we are to have met each other, to be together, skyping every day and msging every 2h max when not talking, sending hand-written love letters, him calling me his wife and life compagnion. Then in August we went on a trip for a month where it was also great but felt a bit a difference in him, a bit distant and not so careful with me as he used to be. We had a couple of fights on stupid things actually, so I just took them as normal fights in a relationship (although it were our first ones). Tried to talk with him, continued to be open but didn't feel him 100% open as before. We came back from the trip and from then on it started to be worse. We didn't have so much time for each other anymore, couldn't plan anything in seeing each other because of the lot of work we had, especially him. We stopped talking so much during work, sometimes a whole working day, skype at night was not daily anymore, he started getting himself busy with friends (which were complaining that they don't see him so much anymore) and other stuff. Then he came through work for 2 weeks again and we were together. Was ok but still felt a bit of tension. When he left, he started crying like a baby saying the distance is too much for him and just then realising we dont have anything planned anymore to see each other, for the first time, no money and no holidays for that either. After that, we started to have more and more discussions because he was constantly telling me he has no time for us and that is killing him and the distance as well and I was feeling more and more alone. I proposed him to move there sooner but he didn't want it saying that is rushing and maybe I wouldn't like it there anymore if I rush. Discussions got worse in a sense we couldn't understand each other anymore and so he decided to have a sort of restart but still being together, just starting with the basis of our relationship. But that lasted 2 days till he told me his plan for a month of going every weekend to all sorts of countries and that didnt make me feel good at all, had a fight about that and he decided to break up, saying it will be just till this busy period passes and then maybe we can pick it up again from where we left it. I tried to understand him, I tried to find solutions (none was good for him), but he was too focused on other things and even recognised it to me that he loves me too much to resist the distance and is trying to distract himself with all sorts of things, from his feelings and our relationship cause it is too hard to bear. He cried for hours when we decided the break-up, but he still did it thinking this way we will still have a chance later on and that he does this for us. He even told others that the reason of our break-up is loving each other too much. But what I cant understand is why he didnt accept me coming there sooner? Why suddently it's all hard for him, all the things he used to do with me before and being happy with it, suddently made him unhappy because he just wants me there? And now, like he says. What can I do to make him realise it's not good to run away from what he feels (he also told me this)? That it's a pitty to let everything go when we were so so great together? I really feel he is the one and I am trying and see him trying as well cause he is still curious abt everything I do and how I feel, but it's like he is stuck on his ideas now and I dont know what to do...
creighton0123 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 It sounds like your extended visit together resulted in the peeling away of the idealized romance and exposed him to the reality of a relationship: that is two individuals with distinct personalities sharing a life together. That can be a scary thing for someone to deal with and it sounds like he got scared. Your stay resulted in the reduction of the euphoria that comes from fresh romance, where you have to fall back on pure friendship to sustain romance in the relationship. It sucks, but it happens... and distance only amplifies it. In my opinion, distance never causes it. It is an aspect of any and all romantic relationships.
Author hexagon Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 And can it be that it scared him so much that he just gave away everything we had? He was always the one searching for me, for my presence and talks and asking me to move there sooner. It's true that he began changing when we were together for a whole month in that trip, but if that scared him then can I expect at least that he will get himself back together again and realise the pitty of the situation and our lost love? Also, the more I talked with him lately, the more he recognised to me that he started to push me away for a period, his feelings towards me and everything that reminds him of me, this making it easier for him to focus on himself and whatever he is going through right now, thing he doesn't know either what it is...at least he says that. But this all just makes it easier for him, as the distance relationship that we had, only made it harder.
Mare2 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Sounds like he cares for you, but long distance is hard. You may have dodged a bullet here. Not that he is a bad guy. Maybe when you were together, he enjoyed it, and you, but it just didn't click into gear for him. That is no reflection on you, nothing to do with you really, he just wasn't feeling it. No harm. Get out and date men who are live bodies infront of you! Long distance is one thing if the relationship already has a face to face foundation, quite another to start one up. The fantasy never is what the reality is.
Author hexagon Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 As an update, for a month now we started talking again normal, without any fight, we talk on skype every week to have visual contact as well and he even started to tell me that he sees us going in a good direction and that this makes him happy. He also asked me to spend the New Year's eve together but the flights were to expensive already as it was on short notice, but now he suggested several times to go visit him for a weekend as he really wants it. Think I will go in the end, although this whole experience made me suspicios about everything and it's hard to let go of the things behind us, but he seems really happy that we can still get along very good after everything and I also feel good talking to him although it's hard for me to go easily through this and step by step as we agreed, in order not to screw things up again. Of course I still want more and I see it on him also, but neither of us wants to push it. Still don't know what's in his mind anyway...
HeavenOrHell Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 The above post is spam, not sure why it's not been removed yet. and how is it evolving so far?
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