k100danny Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Not sure if anyone can help me here, basically i had a really hard time coming to terms with the end of my short term relationship that i never got comfortable in but it was very passionate and intense and also was with one of my best friends that i spoke to all day everyday for a long time. Anyway i thought over the last couple of days i ha got my **** together, i have seen her twice in the last week, the first time was very nice and we laughed ect, it made me kind of upset after and we chatted a bit via text, we met again around 4 days later and we chatted but i felt a bit more removed from the situation. I had a conversation with friends and family and i thought i understood everything and had come to terms with it then today im not sure what it was someone reminded me of her and a time we had together and i started thinking about the whole thing differently, questioning things again and feeling generally upset. I hate that your mind can make things seem fine and then you think of something from a different angle and it seems bad again or gives you more questions. so today im not doing as great and just when i thought i was starting to heal and move forward. anyone else ahd these feelings? I haven't felt the need to contact her since a couple of days ago after we had coffee, i foolishly while feeling quite emotional sent her a message asking if i could take her out for dinner and see what happens, she replied the next day but straight after i sent it i thought to myself , is this really what i want/ would i really be happy with this person? could it ever be the same even if she did say yes? and i thought no it wouldnt work its for the best and was feeling good. I havent even read her reply as i feel stupid at sending the message int he first place. im 99% sure she will have said no but i dont want to read it as i may react and say something i dont even mean or start a conversation that i dont really want to get into. anyone ever realised they arent trying to decieve but are reacting rather than thinking things through and finding out what you REALLY want or what would make you feel better?
TheDovic Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 The only advice I can give you Danny is this: You are going to keep going through periods of being ok, then it's all going to fall apart again, so don't be too disheartened when you think you've moved on but you really haven't. This is not a problem, it is simply being human and grieving. You see, grieving is not a structured experience. Yes there are 5 stages (denial, bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance), but what most people aren't aware of is that you will move through these stages interchangably and will more than likely experience each one a number of times. So the last few days you might have been experiencing acceptance, only to fall into depression again today. This is normal and will only end when you have really moved on. To really move on you must allow yourself to fully experience each emotion, so if you're depressed, be depressed. If you try and block out any of these stages you will just prolong your grieving. I always use the pink elephant analogy to explain this i.e. try not to think of a pink elephant right now... it's all you can think about, right? So if you try not to be depressed you will only make this feeling worse. You're doing fine Danny, don't be so hard on yourself!
funnyface Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I totally agree! The worst part I've found is that once you actually move on from definitely not wanting them back (as I have), but you still get upset over the breakup. Its kind of like.... you WANT it to be over, but you just can't get over it! I've had my false times of "okay... now I'm definitely over it!" many times. It sucks, because then you get sneak attacked and it HURTS. I definitely am a person where I want so badly to just get over it and move on, but I've finally realized it doesn't work that way. Don't bottle up your sadness or your anger, or any of the feelings. Really cry if you have to. It is terrible at the time, but its just part of the process. Sometimes you will feel better without even expecting it. Focus on YOU!!!!!!! My ex has been dating a new girl (a mutual friend) after only a month of breaking up. I thought I was okay with it... nope. Everytime my friends told me some new development with them or something they saw on Facebook, I started bawling. Today, I found out she went to go to California to visit him. For the first time... I didn't cry. Not only that, I was glad I wasn't with him any more. Why? I got calls for job interviews today and a few days ago, and have been on top of the world. My friends have been awesome throughout the whole break up. I've tried just to be a nicer person in general. I've spent more time with my family. I just spent a great weekend in NYC. I focused on myself... and even though through that process, I still definitely thought about him and felt sad at times, it is the ABSOLUTE best thing to do. Because when you least expect it, all of a sudden, you don't feel sad when you think you should, because you're happy with your own life. Yeah, I might relapse and get sad about it again. It still kind of sucks. But every time I do, its not as bad. And I know eventually I'll be totally over it. Hope my tiny bit of experience has helped you in some way.
joseph17 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Feeling like it is over and then it comes back to ruin your day is normal. It is still fresh and even though you didn't have something serious you still must have had some feelings. So NC here is the best way. You already know she is not what you want so move on. Go date some other girls and be sociable. Go be yourself and stop worry about this girl.
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