rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 1. Can I just talk to them as a friend, because I don't care for anything more at this point. For example tell them how I feel about anything about the process of dating, what I want, or my ex if I feel like it or how I feel. 2. When a guy asks me to do something go to dinner etc., and I don't really care to should I just tell them I am not interested in dating or should I just say no thank you? 3. Right now I have cut everyone off but two but they are overseas friends. One here I need to cut off. 4. I want something with someone but also I don't feel anything. All I feel is the guys want to get busy, have sex. It makes me mad cuz why the f would I have sex with you? For what reason? I am looking for something long-term and for that I'd like to know if you are too. I don't think I would know enough after two dates. 5. This is very important OK for me now I know If I am having a sexual relationship with someone I WILL want to try to get pregnant. I know this. So how can I know if the man I am with want the same?? I mean I've always heard do not ask these things when you are first dating. It's freaking confusing. Please help.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I am already 39 so I am assuming men who want children are looking for someone younger also.
grkBoy Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 1. Can I just talk to them as a friend, because I don't care for anything more at this point. For example tell them how I feel about anything about the process of dating, what I want, or my ex if I feel like it or how I feel. Judging by all these questions, it seems you don't want to date at all. Talking about what's on your mind is fine, talking like a friend is fine, going out on dates with guys when you've already decided beforehand he's only "just a friend" isn't. 2. When a guy asks me to do something go to dinner etc., and I don't really care to should I just tell them I am not interested in dating or should I just say no thank you? Both. The trick is to be respectful and polite, but also grow a thick skin. If the guy becomes a crybaby and calls you a b***h, don't take it personally. See that he's a child and you're better off rejecting him. Don't sit there thinking all men are like that. 3. Right now I have cut everyone off but two but they are overseas friends. One here I need to cut off. Cut who off? Your friends? 4. I want something with someone but also I don't feel anything. All I feel is the guys want to get busy, have sex. It makes me mad cuz why the f would I have sex with you? For what reason? I am looking for something long-term and for that I'd like to know if you are too. I don't think I would know enough after two dates. So you want a relationship? You made it sound like earlier that you didn't. You don't have to put out shortly, but bear in mind most guys, even relationship-minded men, see intimacy as the sign that this is going somewhere. So if you go on four dates with a guy and not even share a kiss, then you might want to sort it out in you if you want to get close to a guy...because the guy is going to wonder where this is all going. 5. This is very important OK for me now I know If I am having a sexual relationship with someone I WILL want to try to get pregnant. I know this. So how can I know if the man I am with want the same?? I mean I've always heard do not ask these things when you are first dating. It's freaking confusing. You'll find out his intentions early on, and see it in his actions. If you're looking to wait on sex until marriage and the sex is only for procreation, then you're going to have issues. You need to be able to also give a guy sex just for pleasure if you want to keep him, unless he's 100% thinking like you. I know I wouldn't date a girl again who wanted to wait...and if I can see she doesn't like sex at all, then this will not work.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Thank you for your response! I've cut the current dating off, because I only see them as friends. I did and have kissed them. I would have sex but haven't met someone I want to have sex with. What about me wanting a baby? Most men would not want to so soon or want that pressure. SHould I ask them if they do want children in the future?
grkBoy Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 What about me wanting a baby? Most men would not want to so soon or want that pressure. SHould I ask them if they do want children in the future? I'm sorry to tell you, this is going to be hard. You're 39, which means the clock is ticking and time is running out. This pretty much comes off as you're in a hurry to find Mr Right and have a family. This will scare many men off...including me. One can claim men don't want to commit and all, but from our viewpoint we more see this as a desperate woman who wants kids ASAP and thus we're only being seen as sperm and a wallet. Maybe it's not the case, but it's how it comes off. If you want kids badly then you might need to really contemplate artificial insemination and be a single mom, or adopt, or find a single dad and later marry and be the stepmom. I'm being honest here. I'm 38, but even when I was 30 I'd shy away from women who came off like they're in a hurry to have kids or are hellbent on finding a husband and then immediately wanting children. I don't hate children, but having kids isn't something one should do in haste.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Ok what I don't get is that for myself I think that I am mature, caring, giving, financially stable and willing to work on a relationship with someone I am having sex with and I think that bringing a baby into the relationship would be a positive thing. What I don't understand is that a man will want to have a sexual partner, me, have sex daily weekly, be in a commited relationship, where I have to be monogomous, but not want to be responsible for a child? I am in a committed relationship spending years with someone waiting for them to decide if they want to be a responsible father? I guess I'm confused by this.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I am willing to know someone but if we get along and want the same things? Would it be possible? Are there men who ARE ready?
tradewinds Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I am willing to know someone but if we get along and want the same things? Would it be possible? Are there men who ARE ready? There are men who are ready, but ask yourself this: If you rush into it, have kids and it doesn't work out, then where are you?
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I guess like everyone else, divorced. When is it working out guaranteed? I am not saying I want to rush. I'm not trying to get impregnated by anyone I come across but If I like the person we get along well and evolve into a committed relationship where I can not date anyone else, YES I want to try to have a child. We are already in a committed relationship how long do we wait to know if it will work out???
tradewinds Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I guess like everyone else, divorced. When is it working out guaranteed? I am not saying I want to rush. I'm not trying to get impregnated by anyone I come across but If I like the person we get along well and evolve into a committed relationship where I can not date anyone else, YES I want to try to have a child. We are already in a committed relationship how long do we wait to know if it will work out??? That's hard because for everyone it's different. There's no right answer, but it may also be hard to spot danger signs of a relationship if your consumed with having a child (as in looking through rose colored glasses and making excuses for bad behavior). You are right though, you can't wait forever and nothing is guaranteed.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 True tradewinds. The thing is I'm not rushing now to be with someone at all. I tended to look through rose colored glasses no matter what before but this time I want to see reality!
Author rebeccajones Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Can someone tell me what they think about how I think? If I am in a committed relationship with a man for one year or more and we are both grown adults, financially stable is it wrong for me to want a child? I just don't see how that is rushing it? How long are you supposed to wait? I think that I am giving all of my time to this man I am committed to him we have a good life, money etc. why wait to have a child or to get married?
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