irc333 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I saw this profile that seemed to have contradicted herself. A apparently , this woman expected her future soulmate to know how to dance. And I'm not just going boogeying out on the dance floor, but participate in ballroom dancing or Salsa, otherwise, don't bother contacting her. She mentioned right after that, she doesn't like TV or movies, and thinks life is too short to be sitting for 2 hours at a movie theater watching something that is not real. (*Gasp*) being a Sci-Fi nerd, that's sacrilege. LOL But what kills ME is, she expects her man to particpate in HER fun, but won't reciprocate? Or is she telling people that there are more constructive things to do than watch TV or the movies? She expects a guy dance with her, but won't spend an hour and a half at the Capt America movie with you. Selfish, yes...no? Have you know people to have deal breakers, where if you do NOT participate in a certain activity, he/she will not date you?
Eeyore79 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to date someone with common interests. She isn't expecting a guy to participate in HER fun without really enjoying it himself - she wants a guy who also thinks that dancing is fun. There's a guy out there somewhere who loves dancing and doesn't watch much tv, who is ideal for her.
Author irc333 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to date someone with common interests. She isn't expecting a guy to participate in HER fun without really enjoying it himself - she wants a guy who also thinks that dancing is fun. There's a guy out there somewhere who loves dancing and doesn't watch much tv, who is ideal for her. There are plenty of successfull relationships where people don't have teh same hobby. Dismissing someone that doesn't share the same hobby as you shouldn't be a criteria in finding something meaningful. It would be a BONUS, but shouldn't be a dealbreaker. Same with bikers (motorcycle riders) they have this same dealbreaker too it seems.
sweetjasmine Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 No, it's not selfish. Selfish would be dating someone and throwing a fit every time he wanted to go to the movies and getting upset that he doesn't know how to dance but refusing to do anything he likes and expecting him to be okay with it all. At least she's being up front about something she has a strong opinion on. If you're not into it, no one's going to force you to date this woman, so how on earth is she being selfish? It would be a BONUS, but shouldn't be a dealbreaker. Who are you to tell someone else what should and shouldn't be a dealbreaker? If there are only 6 men on planet earth who enjoy dancing as much as she does, and she never gets to meet any of them and dies a lonely old lady, what business is it of yours? Why do you obsess over the online dating profiles of people you will never meet, much less date?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 IRC, would you be this upset if it was a guy's profile that insisted his future mate be active, like running or playing sports, because he was fit and he did those things and he liked fit women and didn't like to watch tv? Something to chew on. I think you're misdirecting what is really going on here.
grkBoy Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 IRC, I have a feeling this is a vase where the "delivery" wasn't done well, and thus it left a bad impression. I don't know if she just hates the idea of watching TV or movies in general...or prefers a guy who likes to do MORE than watching TV or movies. We've all seen profiles of women who think "dinner and a movie" or even "coffee" is an unimaginative date. Frankly, just see it as "she's not the one for you". Would you want to do ballroom dancing? Out of pure interest? Or just to make her happy? This is what I kind of get at when I talk about men and women who need to "have a life". When I see women who can't do anything other than party, drink, and go shopping...or guys who only watch TV, watch movies, and play video games. In either case...the person is BORING. We can say in either case the girls will still get guys coming on to them, but that's the natural order of things. However, I wouldn't be surprised if most of the guys are either guys who just want to lay her, or guys who hope to "mold her" into Ms Perfect. This girl simply is saying she wants a man who does more than typical dates. Nothing wrong with that, but I also wish her luck in finding such a man who also fits the other qualifications she might want.
CarrieT Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I don't see anything wrong with specifying what interests one is obsessed with in hopes of finding someone with similar interests. In my dating profiles, I made it clear that I had no interest whatsoever in spectator sports. It would make no sense to me to date someone who wanted to spend every Sunday watching football and if we only had two days a week (potentially) together, I would hate to lose half of our time together to something that I had no interest in sharing. Conversely, I am very interested in the theater and arts - I seriously doubt the guys who want their gridiron weekends are going to want to spend their Sundays wandering a museum with me. Easier to state as such off the bat to ensure commonality of intentions.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) First of all, dancing is WAY healthier than "sitting around watching TV/movies". Not everyone watches TV nor movies --- somehow my boyfriend and I manage heh (although we will rarely watch a movie). Second of all, she may reciprocate in another area --- perhaps a more active one. Perhaps she just doesn't desire a coach potato and it's reasonable for her to state / insinuate that and, Finally, at least she's being upfront and honest about it and knows what she wants... I don't think it's necessarily selfish, but even if it is, so be it... I think common interests are crucial to the long-term health of a relationship and for over-all compatibility. if I was dating, I would state what I'm looking for and probably be unwilling to settle just as well... excessive TV watching and or movie watching would be a deal breaker for me --- as far as moderation goes, I doubt I would participate in such and would instead just delve into a solitary interest of my own heh... but otherwise I don't think we'd have much in common anyway... Edited October 19, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Nexus One Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Internet killed the video star. I hardly watch any tv anymore, maybe 3 hours a week tops. I've seen something like 5 movies in total this year, 3 of them in the cinema with friends. I wanted to go to the opera last week, but it was sold out. Edited October 19, 2011 by Nexus One
Author irc333 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Conversely, I am very interested in the theater and arts - I seriously doubt the guys who want their gridiron weekends are going to want to spend their Sundays wandering a museum with me. Easier to state as such off the bat to ensure commonality of intentions.Right, there also gender interests, basically, there are certain genders that are not into the same thing. Like some women can't stand nerdy things, or sports, while men like their Grid Iron weekends and so on. I've known pretty successful couples like this, the wives play cards in the kitchen while the husbands watch the game. Same with hunting, not many women like hunting, but men do....but there are couples like this that date anyhow. My g/f doesn't have to be into Sci-fi and nerd conventions, and I'm okay with that, though it would be a plus. I'm also into outdoor activities as well, while some women are afraid to set foot in the outdoors because of "icky " bugs and dirt.
Author irc333 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 In my dating profiles, I made it clear that I had no interest whatsoever in spectator sports. SO, you're not the kind of person that talks with your friends saying, "Hey, did you see the opening season of "The Walking Dead"? or "Hey, did you see "The Notebook"? THere was this part where.....<continue conversation> Now, I'm not saying that I am a couch potato, (like I said , I like the outdoors, too.) I kind of got varied interests, so I delve to both active and inactive, board games, etc. I tried dancing once, lost interest after the first lesson. lol
fishtaco Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 She's stating what she wants, she's not trying to make you do what she wants. Don't reply to her, you two are obviously not a match. Anyway, I'm in the dance scene, and it's so addicting that it'll be difficult to date someone that does not dance. So I see where she is coming from. I also refer not to watch TV or movies. In fact, I don't have cable TV, I don't see why that's so weird. But dating in the dance scene is rough. Small community, people are very close. It's an accelerated path to meet people of the opposite gender, and get friendly very quickly. I mean you have a given ice breaker right off the bat. People's dance skills aren't indicative of how good of a person they are, but it does raise their social status within the scene, and their perceived attractiveness, so people tend to make the wrong decisions. Hence there's a split on these views. Some people in the dance scene will NOT date anyone that dances. But for that to work long term, they either have to find an extremely trusting partner that is willing to sit at home while they go out dancing the night away with strangers, or they have to quit this hobby. She doesn't know it yet, but she's going to end up dating a bunch of dancers that really should just be her dance partners. But relationships will develop, and blow up. I see it all too often. Well, ok, experienced it myself too. I'm not better than average.
oaks Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 But what kills ME is, she expects her man to particpate in HER fun, but won't reciprocate? No, you don't get it. She wants to meet someone where his fun and her fun are the same things. She's not the woman for you. Move along.
somedude81 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 But what kills ME is, she expects her man to particpate in HER fun, but won't reciprocate? Surprise, there are some men out there who enjoy Salsa and ballroom dancing. I'm one of them. It's perfectly understandable for person to want to date somebody they can dance with. As for her not wanting to do what the guy wants, that depends on if she's willing to do so or not.
jerbear Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I tried dancing once, lost interest after the first lesson. lolNot all dances are fun. I hate tango but the other dances (salsa, swing) are fun. At least you tried it once. Take Oaks and other's advice on this one. She is just mentioning her preferences. If your perspective's profile really upsets you now, then she is not the one for you. I stated to learn Salsa and other dances earlier this year. The people you meet are amazing. There are self described nerds who know how to dance. Dancing is a lost art as it helps a guy learn to lead, show grace, and well rounded. It also builds confidence. Just chalk her up as move on and next!
Feelin Frisky Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I think her wants are admirable. Dancing is great. Television is a reality substitute really. I enjoy the fact that television and movies give me a lot of stimulus and connect me with popular culture but I could just as well see a live with no such media and just real adventure.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Hmm, sounds interesting. Not! *click profile closed* Next!
Cracker Jack Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Stuff like this makes me realize I need to learn how to dance.
OliveOyl Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I don't watch hardly any television. But movies are a biggie for me. I've definitely gone dancing a few times with my BF (our second "real" date was out dancing) but it's not something we do all the time. What do you all do (besides sex and eating) with your partner when the weather is not good outside? It's something I've been wondering myself, I'd like to broaden our horizons a bit. Museums and that kind of thing won't work too well because my BF lives out in the boonies.
betterdeal Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) Play board games / cards / discuss philosophy / play word games / cook pies. When I've been in a stable thing, typically I'd be reading the paper or drawing and she'd be writing a short story or painting, when we're doing our own thing, and doing the above sort of things when we're doing stuff together that isn't sex / cuddles / TV Edited October 20, 2011 by betterdeal
denise_xo Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 There are plenty of successfull relationships where people don't have teh same hobby. Dismissing someone that doesn't share the same hobby as you shouldn't be a criteria in finding something meaningful. It would be a BONUS, but shouldn't be a dealbreaker. Same with bikers (motorcycle riders) they have this same dealbreaker too it seems. I don't think that's for you to decide. If this woman wants to find someone with mutual interests and hobbies, that's her business and she's the one who will have to deal with the consequences in terms of how that positions her in the dating pool. Why are you setting standards for her? I don't think she said anything about not reciprocating. The point is that she's looking for someone with SHARED interests, so that they would BOTH enjoy whatever they might do together. I'm sure there are many couples who don't have shared interests. That doesn't mean she has to live life the way they do.
Eeyore79 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 But for that to work long term, they either have to find an extremely trusting partner that is willing to sit at home while they go out dancing the night away with strangers, or they have to quit this hobby. I think this is why she wants to date a man who likes dancing. Most men would become distrustful or resentful if their girlfriend frequently went out dancing with other men while he stayed at home. Maybe she's had other relationships where the guy got sick of her going to dances and kicked up a fuss, so now she only wants to date a guy who'll accompany her? I'm sure she'd prefer to enjoy nights out in the company of her partner, rather than constantly leaving him at home and going out alone. Quitting her hobby obviously isn't an option for her, so the only solution is to date someone who wants to share it with her.
betterdeal Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I don't think that's for you to decide. If this woman wants to find someone with mutual interests and hobbies, that's her business and she's the one who will have to deal with the consequences in terms of how that positions her in the dating pool. Why are you setting standards for her? I don't think she said anything about not reciprocating. The point is that she's looking for someone with SHARED interests, so that they would BOTH enjoy whatever they might do together. I'm sure there are many couples who don't have shared interests. That doesn't mean she has to live life the way they do. I bet she's PRETTY and he fancies her, so it's not FAIR that she doesn't want to date him. I also bet she's PRETTY in part due to having an active hobby instead of sitting down all the time. Funny that.
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