LoveYourself Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 First I want to thank each and everyone here for their inputs and advice,it has been great reading them all. I just wanted to come in here and tell anyone who thought of or tempted to contact their ex for whatever reason whether its because you miss them or want to know why they did what they did truth is its just not worth it.You will be hurt all over again. Even if they initiate contact while you're trying to firmly follow NC responding to them just puts you back to square 1. When people tell you NC is the best solution to move on and heal your broken heart its the real truth I made the mistake of doubting this for couple of minutes and I have deeply regretted this. I don't want to bore you with my story but to summarize I had met someone who I truly loved for the first time in my life few years back,I have never felt this way for anyone.We were together for a year and a half,during that time everything seemed perfect,he loved me back(or so I thought at that time),we were very close,he asked me to marry him but I was in University at that time I told him yes but after graduation.We were planning our future,he had even told his family then out of the blue he said he had to go to another city to visit some relatives but he'll be back asp. 2 weeks after he left he didn't call me for 2 days straight I got worried tried to reach him but his line was disconnected.A week later I ran into one of his friends,I told him about the situation and asked if he heard from my bf only to be told he had left the country and went back to europe you can imagine the shock I felt,I don't know how I went through the next couple of weeks,I waited for a phone call,an email I got nothing,I didn't try to send him an email 4 months after I met him online,demanded to know why he did this,he tells me he had to go back because of family reasons....of course I said they why didn't you jst tell me...his excuse was "because I couldn't bear to say goodbye to you...I loved you" anyways I told him to go screw himself and started applying the NC rule it worked for around 6 months until he called me to tell me how much he loved me,how he regrets what he did and wants to try it again. I was naive and stupid to agree to take him back(why do we do this to ourselves),after 2 weeks of telling me everything I wanted to hear he goes MIA on me again.I tried to call him no luck probably changed his number...when I logged on MSN hoping to talk to him he ignored....then I said enough is enough... blocked and deleted him from MSN...deleted his email....his phone number everything....I vowed I would go on strict NC.It was hard but I pulled through.I started focusing on myself...went out more...hanged out with my friends... started having some fun. Even started dating but haven't met anyone I wanted to be serious with. Exactly 11 months after strict NC he calls me out of the blue just to say hi and chat.He said he wanted to remain friends I told him that's impossible. 2 years after this exactly a week ago he send me a friend request on fb,I didn't accept it but I did send a message with hi how are you.I don't know why I did it,he replied with a I'm fine what have you been up to,it has been ages since we last talked I kept my reply short told him I was doing good,wished him well and asked him not to send me requests r contact me again in any way because we could never be friends.He replied back with a wish you the same Hopefully this will be the last time he ever does contact me but my point after all this (sorry for the long post) is NC is key,its very important to follow NC until you are fully ready to deal with your ex if the occasion rises,meaning when you are fully healed and came to the decision that you don't want them back. NC gives you the time to reflect on things,grow stronger especially mentally and generally makes you a better person. Let them come to you,let them contact you and when they do don't do what I did but IGNORE them. Because to be honest seeing his pictures again on fb brought all the memory and feelings I had for him rushing back which is probably the reason why I gave in and messaged him....****ing FB Finally do NC for yourself,don't do it because you hope this will make them miss you and come back to you.Don't torture yourself with maybe and if's they still love you or miss you and this is why they contacted you You should really ask yourself do I really want them back,its true after losing someone you love very much with all the emotions you're feeling getting them back is the only thing you can think about.I did too until I did get him back for a while only to realize it would never be the same,we could never go back to the way we were before.Once that trust is broken its broken forever.This is why it much better and healthier to move on,learn from your mistakes accept somethings are not meant to be and get on with your life. Honestly I don't regret for loving my ex...It just wasn't meant to be.But it was great while it lasted You know what they say "its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" Thanks again for your patience to read this all through
thebig-guy Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Agreed fats, Nc is just a generic rule that works for any relationship and bypasses all feelings and hope of rescueing something. My breakup was also due to bad timing. I think that NC should only be applied last resort, when everything else has failed.
joseph17 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 The infamous NO CONTACT rule. This does work but the problem is it works both way just as stated. When applying the NC you face either them coming back or them never talking to you again. I does depend on the situation and relationship. I wouldn't advice a marriage of 10 years to use this as it fixes nothing. This is more for a relationship that you are not sure about. Dealing with a breaking up with someone you had deep feeling for is the hardest thing to face. In your case the NC was needed because one he wasn't even in the same freakin country and two he was a coward and didn't even plan on telling you where he was. Who does that?! So applying this is dangerous but can get you results. Just better make sure you know what you want because the ending id very unpredictable
redblack66 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Suppose you know your ex is with somebody else. Is there any value in breaking NC? I do not see, but wanted to check with you.
Trovador Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 And people still think NC is for getting back the ex... And people still think their case is different... And people still think LS as a whole is wrong... This would be funny if it wasn's so heartbreaking... But of all this, what saddens me more is that people believe that the advices and "rules" expressed on the forum don't apply to them...
Trovador Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Another thing, NC isn't (shouldn't be) a tragedy or the greatest drama of our lives... it is just you quitting her, it is a state, if you will... Believe me man, NC isn't a trick or a plan, it is just you healing... My former ex: two months or so (I don't even count the days) without knowing about her, if she calls me I'll talk to her without thinking anything about this simple fact of life and certainly without creating a post on this forum boasting that an ex contacted me... NC did that, independently of responding to her all the times she made contact... I am over her. NC was never about her, was about me... Now that I think about it, it should had been the same if she had gone totally NC too... If you could read so many threads about people thinking her circumstances are really different... don't fall in that trap...
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