RyanL Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I was dating a co-worker (I know, I know) and it was going really well until she started having emotional problems and later broke up with me and got distant. A few days after the breakup she started professing her love to me again and flirting with me at work but stayed firm on the breakup. I didn't discourage the attention but I also stayed firm. We talked a lot about what was going on, but we couldn't find rules that both of us could stick by. This went through a couple of cycles until recently when she got very distant again. She said it's because otherwise it is too easy to get involved with me again and she can't right now. I was the one who had originally suggested not having much contact if we weren't going to be together, but the problem for me is she keeps making these sudden changes in behavior toward me and I don't know how to respond. It doesn't help that we see each other every day. I have been polite and tried to make small talk in very rare moments but she avoids it and uses an unwelcoming voice to me though she is pretending to be polite. Any recommendations for dealing with this? I would go with no contact of course but that isn't possible because of the job. I can get through it on a professional level but the tension is very high and I don't think it is healthy for either of us to avoid the fact that we get along really well. It is clear she is not doing very well right now mentally though she is pretending, and I do want her back if she can clear her head out, but I think trying to ignore each other right now is only making it worse, personally and professionally. Open to any advice from people who have had similar situations or anyone else who can help.
Trovador Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 She is seeing someone else and you should do the same, out of work, of course...
Author RyanL Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I think that is a possibility, even though she said she isn't interested in dating it's not like I can believe that at this point. A friend of hers tried to get with her just a week before the breakup and there was some drama. I know she has visited and will again be visiting friends where he lives. That is a distinct possibility.
Trovador Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 This hot and cold behavior is probably influenced by this other guy. What I did was to confront my ex and when she admitted there was another man in the picture, that was it... she only talked to me the day she was fired... It makes sense... otherwise the woman is plainly crazy. Anyway, it's not your problem anymore and you should treat with the cold professionalism reserved to colleagues in the third or fourth circle... Maybe taking a leave for some days might help you...
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