Barrsitter Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Calling all distressed OW! Tired of feeling depressed and blue cause your xMM thang didn't work out? Who cares? We at the First OWs Club are all about making ourselves feel good. Letting our inner Madea out. Gettin' our groove back. Taking back our energy. Doing whatever the hell we please. Letting Go. Surrendering. Coming back to us. Being in the moment which doesn't include the xMM. Too bad, so sad...we done gone moved on! This is a place for celebration of returning to our strength and power. No moping around on this thread. Ok - let the Joe Satriani tunes play...feet up on the coffee table, beer in hand...we're back!
Trimmer Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Careful! It may really be a fight club in disguise...
sad puppy Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 B - you said it perfectly in your introductory statement, that is what it is all about! Positive vibes and connecting our spirit to all that is pure, true, and right! No more settling, no more wallowing, no more crying - it is all about yoga, dancing, rearranging, and embracing new energy! With a new attitude, the Madea attitude, "get the hell outta here, you miserable prick" attitude! We believe in releasing our relationship and negative energy to the Universe, and letting the sun shine in, on us! Cheers!
heartinlove Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I love the new club! Can we add time to stop obsessing about MM and how very very perfect our lives would be if it weren't for that pesky marriage thing that he is in. But really time to let go. Time let it surrender it all up and time to take care of ourselves and open ourselves to the universe and request someone available this time. First lets start with us and be available to ourselves, to love ourselves and encourage ourselves to make great choices, to know we are worthy of a great love, and to choose to live life happily with our heads held high!
mzdolphin Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I love the new club! Can we add time to stop obsessing about MM and how very very perfect our lives would be if it weren't for that pesky marriage thing that he is in. But really time to let go. Time let it surrender it all up and time to take care of ourselves and open ourselves to the universe and request someone available this time. First lets start with us and be available to ourselves, to love ourselves and encourage ourselves to make great choices, to know we are worthy of a great love, and to choose to live life happily with our heads held high! I'm all about moving on and taking back our lives. But if this club really takes off, will we even come back to LS?
heartinlove Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I'm all about moving on and taking back our lives. But if this club really takes off, will we even come back to LS? Great comment. Thats the hope though isn't it, that one day infidelity and healing from all of this no longer holds such strength in our beings that we come to LS regularly. Im grateful for LS, but I am looking forward to one day not popping in here.
Choose Life Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Well I'm in my best dress, feeling fantastic. Out with friends enjoying celebrating a birthday. I'm enjoying life and had to just let you all know :-) Love this thread, no one is worth feeling rubbish over, get out and enjoy life!
heartinlove Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 In the spirit of this thread. Had tea with a friend. Had a great time and barely mentioned MM. Was completely present and happy. No preoccupation with phone calls. I've never been one to wait for anyones phone calls, how did I become that woman. My friend said I looked so happy and pretty she automatically assumed I was back in contact with him. I said no I am in contact with myself again. Thought it was very telling that friend associates me being happy or not with whether Im in contact with MM. Again. How did I allow myself to become that woman. Came home and danced around the living room and feeling the joy of life coming back to my being. Today, I know Im going to be A-OK. Wishing all my sisters here the best!
sad puppy Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I am so happy to read the comments here. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend and we booked a trip to Hawaii in January. I am going to try and use that as motivation to start getting in shape, reclaiming that long lost part of me. Now I am going to take a hot bath, and get a great night sleep after travelling like crazy all week for business. I find this place of ours to be comforting and encouraging and a place we can cheer each other on, motivate each other, to be our "best selves" as our girlfriend, Oprah says. Now we have Oprah and Madea as our strong black women friends we shall use for inspiration! Madea would say "girls, why you wasting your time on some men that don't derserve you? Are you crazy? Now get yourselves together and take charge of yourselves"!!
Author Barrsitter Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Welcome New Members! I put this up wondering if anyone would stop by. And you did! Welcome! Love all the comments here and the positive energy and encouragement!!!! As you are cruising around LS, invite people to this thread. It is really much more positive and life-giving to be on this thread than to continually hashing over things in the past that don't exist and things in the future that also don't exist. Let's be here now, instead of nowhere. A master knows that everything comes and goes. Happiness, comes and goes. Sadness, comes and goes. Relationships comes and go. Keep everything in your hands lightly, without clinging and clawing. In the words of the great Madea..."if someone wants to leave your life, let...them...go". Bless them with love as they leave your life. Love yourselves and watch what God or the Universe brings your way!!!! Any new members of this club with sad names....change them! Maybe we should change the name of this club to.....NW's Club (New Women). Blessings and positive energy to you this day! Love, B
Author Barrsitter Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 PS....It's been 8 days since I said Bon Voyage to my xMM. And you know what? I feel great! NC will be permanent this time because I've disengaged...finally. No hard feelings Mr. I-Can't-Decide-What-To-Do! You be there in your confusion and I'll be here in my strength and power and joy. Be well, my friend. Be well. And so it goes..... Keep those positive comments coming Ladies! Love the energy here! B
Ruby_shoes Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I like this thread Positive energy is what we all need to heal!
Silly_Girl Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 The energy and state of mind is so important. Many OW, and women in general, lose their way because their focus shifts outward. Many women find themselves burdened by a large number of roles and duties in their lives. It's healthy to have a bit of an FU-attitude, it's healthy to make plans for trips and be motivated to make changes, it's healthy to value what we do have and can enjoy rather than yearn for something other. It doesn't need to be only at the end of a relationship or after a trauma. I hope more posters can feel energised and cheered, regardless of where they're at. Good on you all!!
Choose Life Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I have had a fantastic week, all positive, spending me time. Finally peace and now on my way out for a run on this gorgeous sunny autumn day, life is good :-)
sad puppy Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I wanted to share some of my favorite inspirational quotes that I use when I get off track: "Everyone lives a hundred lives, but only has one lifetime to remember.This may be yours, don't waste it." ~ Old Chinese saying "Fall 7 times, stand up 8" ~ Japanese proverb "No woman should allow herself to be possessed by any male except the devil" ~ Isak Dinesen "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" ~ unknown "The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may only be the beginning" ~ unknown I find strength in this great wisdom. We must keep recentering ourselves, we must keep reaching out into life for what we really want. Set your intentions to the Universe, be clear & the Universe will respond to you. I have seen this in my life. I hope you all are having a wonderful day and bringing good energy to yourselves!!
sad puppy Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I'm all about moving on and taking back our lives. But if this club really takes off, will we even come back to LS? Yes, we have to mentor the junior members! This is the only place on LS where we celebrate ourselves, remind ourselves about what it is we really want in our lives. We are not complaining and stewing and grasping here; we are encouraging each other with good ideas! The new members will need us, until they take charge and keep it going for others! Cheers!
heartinlove Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Hi!!! I read this somewhere else, really liked it and thought I'd post it there. If fits the spirit of this thread. Ok. We made a mistake when choosing a guy a while back. Some of us made a huuuge mistake. One that lasted maybe years (like mine). But we got sucked into that life, and saw only the good in him. For a while. Then we experienced the decline which for me was slow and agonizing. I was the one who ended it, and I do not at all ever regret doing that. And xmm is still to this day pursuing me and wanting me to give up my wonderful bf and my stable relationship because "he's nearing the end of his M". Hmm. I don't think so! And even though I am totally over him, the emotional part for the most part, I am still coming to terms with HOW LONG I was with him and how I feel so much regret about giving up four and a half years of my life to somebody who did not deserve one second of it. I guess I've beaten myself inside over this again and again. But it's on beautiful mornings like this, when I am getting ready to go out for a walk and run, that I realize that I at least got out. I made a choice to move on. And to give up the most toxic, manipulative, mind **** that I believe aybody could ever experience. They're like relationship terrorists basically. I sometimes wonder why the hell didn't I see the writing on the wall sooner? I sure wish I had. Today as I am typing this, yet another reminder of the "why the hell did I do that" came up. I was cleaning/dusting off some of my photographs in the house. Some on my desk, some in the family room, and it dawns on me that I don't have one photo of xmm and I together ever. And not one photo of him period. So in my life, there's really no tangible evidence that he ever existed. No big huge presents. No gorgeous jewelry. Nothing. It's as though he was a ghost. And I think the hardest words to hear were these words said to me recently from him (he called to inquire how I was doing and how my child was doing and I informed him I was in a committed relationship) "I may have not done these things you wish I had done in the past, but I swear 4, I'll be able to do them all for you in the near future. I'm really close to being able to do that and you deserve it." Wow. More promises and not even concrete ones. He was never good at those kinds. You know, the rock solid promises. Like when my bf says we're going to the islands this year, he freakin' means it. I can take it to the bank. It's rock solid. So for the rest of the morning I am going to just have a wonderful time. Going to go and have a nice walk. Call my family during that time, and enjoy early spring. Today I am going to choose to celebrate the part that I am free. That I ended that part of my life. That part of my life is falling away little by little. And maybe the ghost or my regret one day will not exist anymore. I am going to work on putting that experience away. Did I grow? learn anything? Well I didn't grow exactly from the ema with xmm. But I did learn a little. If somebody lies to you once, they will do it twice. If somebody promises you something and doesn't fulfill it once, they will leave you empty handed twice. And mostly, if somebody loves you, they will do everything and move heaven and earth to be with you. It just won't be me only moving heaven and earth. It will be 50/50 from here on out. Sometimes my heart bleeds for some women I read about here. I say that with both love and respect. I used to spend days agonizing over what he did/didn't do and make excuses for his behaviors when he'd do something that any single girl would NOT put up with from a single guy. I used to dissect his words and sometimes I would find myself questioning if xmm really said what I thought he said because he sure the hell didn't do it. And ours wasn't a bad relationship. It was just an emotionally stunted one, with an inability to ever grow or mature, and it was one-sided. I couldn't progress to meeting his family (although he claims he told them of me time and time again and announced to them at a family wedding he was going to leave the w), to going to work functions with him, to the week long vacations that never happened. It was not what I wanted and I was being told that I was going to get something different from him always. And it was always "just getting ready to happen". Always on the verge of him leaving her for me. Always on the verge of the fairytale ending. A cliffhanger. I wanted to see it thru. I had vested so much time in it. I wanted to see the happy ending. The happy ending is the one where the heautiful princess climbs down from the luxurious tower she's been imprisoned in. She steals a horse from the evil married prince's stable, and she jumps on the horse, and rides out of the castle, over the moat with all the alligators in it, and off into the gorgeous sunset. By herself. And is happy that way. That was my fairytale ending. And it's ok. I embrace that now. If you're waiting for the fairytale ending or just holding out a little longer even though your heart and mind say to get the hell outta there, think about my words. I lived on the verge of him leaving her for half of the stupid relationship ok? I could no longer hold my breath for fear of either turning blue or brain damage [Eek!] . I know you want to make sense of this, to see something really happen. Or some of you might be as I was in the recent past and believe that an ending just might wake the bastard up and that he'll do what he needs to do finally. Wrongo. Write your own happy ending. Your own fairytale and do it today. Live it today. Six months after the princess rode away on her horse...the real prince charming showed up. Taller, more handsome. Dark hair and piercing blue eyes. He made the princess his queen. And the princess/queen never looked back.
sad puppy Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Oh my gosh, heart, I completely love that! Beautifully written too, and poignant. Thanks for posting that!
heartinlove Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Yes, we have to mentor the junior members! This is the only place on LS where we celebrate ourselves, remind ourselves about what it is we really want in our lives. We are not complaining and stewing and grasping here; we are encouraging each other with good ideas! The new members will need us, until they take charge and keep it going for others! Cheers! Speaking of inspiring each other with good ideas. Anybody have any thought of how to move through thinking about MM, and just overall still feeling connected to him and feeling him. Im through all the intense emotions, sad, mad. I just find myself still wondering if I ever will connect with him again, will he ever come back available, and still just feel him. I know to truly move forward, I truly have to let go and need to take the next step. Im only 2 weeks into NC, so maybe I am expecting alot of myself to not still have this be in my mind and heart as much as it is. Im just really committed to moving forward and not be one of those that gets stuck in the woulda shoulda couldas and I thought I would ask on this thread as I love the spirit of it as it is truly about reclaiming our lives, being whole and moving into the future expecting the best. I would love to hear anybody elses success with really letting go of them occupying so much of your thoughts.
sad puppy Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Heart, the key is to remind yourself to "surrender" to the Universe where you acknowledge what was, and what may be, but, now you are letting go of being in charge of the Universe. You become comfortable in the "not knowing", having, as the Buddhists say "know-nothing mind". Extremely difficult, I know. My MM and I had decided it was "all or nothing", that is what we both had acknowledged. Think about that, you know what you want and you know what you don't. You don't want to be a second class citizen, who can only see her MM when he has time. Think about holidays when you can't see him, or think about how you know he is catering to his wife, in one way or another. Think about it, let it get you mad and upset. Think. You do not want that. You want him 100% or nothing. Let him miss you, let him think you have moved on, you are doing that, in fact, you are, tiny step by tiny step, and he will sense that energy. Stay strong. There is nothing there but pain if you look backward, remember? Only pain, and it is in the past, my dear. Now, look forward, today, knowing that each day you live, you leave more of that pain behind, farther and farther away. In your surrender, you stop replaying the tapes in your head, the conversations, you stop replaying the good times and kind words. You acknowledge them, like pretty toys you used to play with, but set them down, because you are too grown-up for that anymore. Those toys (thoughts, remembrances) are just pretty distractions that keep you from focusing your energy on the real stuff you want. And it is not pain. You acknowledge all the pain and drama and love and joy that came with that relationship, and step toward the future, where a real relationship awaits you. Another will love you, another will make your heart sing, someday. And when you meet that person, you will be even more desirable because you will have loved deeply and lost, you will bring a more tender heart into the next relationship, and a kind and loving man will see that. It may not be on the surface but it is something that will be sensed. The heart that has been broken, hurt, drug thru pain, and come out the other side is all the more beautiful, tender. Breathe deeply - remember yourself as a child. Do not continue to hurt that child, do not put her in harm's way anymore, take care of her, she needs you to look after her. That is your job - to take care of all of yourself. Frame a photo of your beautiful child self and put it on your desk as a reminder of the sweet girl that is still there and deserves so much more! These are the thoughts I have used to change the energy of my situation. Dig in, find your power, girl, you have it with you, take it, remember? Take good, sweet care of yourself. Surrender and let it all float away from you, we cannot read the future but we can take care of ourselves today. You have made it thru the first crucial time, keep going, breathe deeply and be proud of yourself for taking the big, first step. Surrender. And know we are with you every step of the way.
Author Barrsitter Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 Hey RS, SG and CL....welcome! Great comments from you all. Be present....be here now...let the past go and think not about the future. Enjoy this day and love yourselves. All is well in our lives! Love B
sad puppy Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 [COLOR=#0068cf]http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/[/COLOR] Just was goggling around and thought this was an excellent piece, the comments by the writer after the article are helpful too. She is writing about all the steps that we are discussing too. Beautiful and hopeful. If anyone is struggling, this is a very good piece to help you reaffirm your commitment to a brighter future. Let It Be.
ksm Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) B - you said it perfectly in your introductory statement, that is what it is all about! Positive vibes and connecting our spirit to all that is pure, true, and right! No more settling, no more wallowing, no more crying - it is all about yoga, dancing, rearranging, and embracing new energy! With a new attitude, the Madea attitude, "get the hell outta here, you miserable prick" attitude! We believe in releasing our relationship and negative energy to the Universe, and letting the sun shine in, on us! Cheers! I recently entered the ow territory, however I have a man of my own too, somehow or other my relationship at home has improved massively, soooo confused. I love both. feel soo charged and good and bad all at the same time. Very tricky situation. I just think society's rules are influenced massively by religion, there should be more free love lol. I feel like unreal right now, although I know It may all come crashing down, whats a girl to do. Edited October 23, 2011 by ksm
Author Barrsitter Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Heart...Sad Puppy had some excellent ideas. For me...I am reading the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle which brought a profound change to my understanding. Get that book and read it! In essence, he says there is no yesterday or no tomorrow...just this present moment. If we concentrate on the present moment, it frees us from replaying old tapes or wondering about the future which hasn't happened yet. I also asked God to take all thoughts of MM out of my heart and head. That has helped. 1 just passed 1 week of NC and I am through this and out the other side. Stay with the NC! You are strong enough to maintain it permanently, if necessary. NC is the strongest signal to the world that you have taken back your power and energy! You go, girl!
Author Barrsitter Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 "The happy ending is the one where the heautiful princess climbs down from the luxurious tower she's been imprisoned in. She steals a horse from the evil married prince's stable, and she jumps on the horse, and rides out of the castle, over the moat with all the alligators in it, and off into the gorgeous sunset. By herself. And is happy that way. That was my fairytale ending. And it's ok. I embrace that now. If you're waiting for the fairytale ending or just holding out a little longer even though your heart and mind say to get the hell outta there, think about my words. I lived on the verge of him leaving her for half of the stupid relationship ok? I could no longer hold my breath for fear of either turning blue or brain damage [Eek!] . I know you want to make sense of this, to see something really happen. Or some of you might be as I was in the recent past and believe that an ending just might wake the bastard up and that he'll do what he needs to do finally. Wrongo. Write your own happy ending. Your own fairytale and do it today. Live it today. Six months after the princess rode away on her horse...the real prince charming showed up. Taller, more handsome. Dark hair and piercing blue eyes. He made the princess his queen. And the princess/queen never looked back." Amazing!!!!!
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