colliejoanie Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I've written this so many times, and it ends up being too long.....so i'm trying to keep it sweet and simple....if you need more info let me know. Dating a new guy......we seem to really be meshing. We talk often, but have only been able to be together for an hour or so......usually ending in heavy make out sessions. We haven't had sex, but planned to this weekend, as my ex had my daughter. Our plan was to get together at 9 pm, as he had to work.......he sent me a text @ 8 saying he had to work until 11:30 because the schedule got screwed up..... I hadn't heard from him by midnight, and drove by the rink (he's a hockey ref) where I had dropped him off earlier in the day and it was completely empty. He continued to text that night saying he was home, etc. But I felt like someone had slugged me.......I thought he completely lied to me.... Come to find out, he was called to a different rink......so, I was completely wrong......but I accussed him of lying. And i've apologized PROFUSELY. over and over. I really like him. I've had CRAP relationships that I should not take out on him, unfortunately I did......and so, i just figured he was brushing me off....... But now, he won't let me forget it. It's been three days of completely ignoring me during the day, where we used to talk all day long, and then at night sending me texts that read "I don't know what to think". Again, I'm apologizing over and over. He's saying he doesn't want me to go away, that he misses me. that he loves talking to me again.....but that he "just doesn't know what to think". What do i do??? How long do I let him go through this? How long do I beat myself up? I feel like he's punishing me, and like he's trying to control me.....and I'm over it. i like him.....the him before.....but he won't even talk to me!!! Please help!
SammyLovex3 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Guys don't like being accused of things. Especially the ones who ARE doing the things they're accused of. But, no one wants to be accused of something they didn't do and having no real way to prove it. If this was a consecutive thing that happened regularly, hell yes, I'd call bull****. But right now? If it hasn't happened the last three times you were supposed to see each other, I wouldn't worry. I'm not saying you're completely out of line, because your feelings are your feelings, and I firmly believe in trusting your gut, but sometimes, your gut needs to be censored a little bit. Flat out tell him you're sorry for accusing him and let him talk.
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 You be honest with him and tell him that since things are quite new between you two that the trust has to build. Have you been burned in the past? This could explain why you went out of your way to check up on him..
Author colliejoanie Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Thanks Sammy, the problem is, he's not talking...... last night when he said I had pushed him away by the accusation, I said "OK, I completely understand.... (BECAUSE I DO, I would hate to be accused of something falsly)......I'm sorry". ( and I was ready to say goodbye) His response was "well, you're not getting rid of me that easily". But then, he won't TALK to me!!!! I just don't know what to do.....
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Then just give him space and let him call and see you next. He IS into you, so that's a good thing.
Author colliejoanie Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 You be honest with him and tell him that since things are quite new between you two that the trust has to build. Have you been burned in the past? This could explain why you went out of your way to check up on him.. Yes, unfortunately I've chosen some pretty bad parters. I'm working on this, but it's still there.....the past..... I assume people are bad, and that they're lying. and in it to get what they want, and leave......As pathetic as that was to write.....that's the truth..... Again, not his fault, but he won't even let me explain, its NOT HIM.....it's ME!!!!!! And I'm working on it!!1
SammyLovex3 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I agree, give him some time. Let him learn to trust you or whatever it is he's not sure what to think about. Or ask him to talk to you about it. Tell him you're sorry for offending him and that you'd like to get past this, but he's built a wall. Tell him you don't want to go away, but he's pushing you away. He may not realize hes doing it. Or ask him if he needs some time to think. Let him know you're there when he's ready to talk and that you're sorry and want things to be good between you two.
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Yes, unfortunately I've chosen some pretty bad parters. I'm working on this, but it's still there.....the past..... I assume people are bad, and that they're lying. and in it to get what they want, and leave......As pathetic as that was to write.....that's the truth..... Again, not his fault, but he won't even let me explain, its NOT HIM.....it's ME!!!!!! And I'm working on it!!1 When he's ready to talk to you, tell him what you said, above. Everybody has issues and some baggage..Trust me, this guy isn't perfect either and I'm sure he has some quirks and stuff that you may not know about (yet). I hope he gives you and the relationship a chance. And, I hope you give him the chance, have faith and trust that he isn't going to screw you over and lie to you. He's given you no reason to mistrust him, so remember that he isn't those others from your past who hurt you.
fishtaco Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Yup. My vote is for give him space for now, he'll come back. If you freak out right now, regardless of who's fault it is, will make you look like a psycho chick. Have some patience.
Yookie Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I've written this so many times, and it ends up being too long.....so i'm trying to keep it sweet and simple....if you need more info let me know. Dating a new guy......we seem to really be meshing. We talk often, but have only been able to be together for an hour or so......usually ending in heavy make out sessions. We haven't had sex, but planned to this weekend, as my ex had my daughter. Our plan was to get together at 9 pm, as he had to work.......he sent me a text @ 8 saying he had to work until 11:30 because the schedule got screwed up..... I hadn't heard from him by midnight, and drove by the rink (he's a hockey ref) where I had dropped him off earlier in the day and it was completely empty. He continued to text that night saying he was home, etc. But I felt like someone had slugged me.......I thought he completely lied to me.... Come to find out, he was called to a different rink......so, I was completely wrong......but I accussed him of lying. And i've apologized PROFUSELY. over and over. I really like him. I've had CRAP relationships that I should not take out on him, unfortunately I did......and so, i just figured he was brushing me off....... But now, he won't let me forget it. It's been three days of completely ignoring me during the day, where we used to talk all day long, and then at night sending me texts that read "I don't know what to think". Again, I'm apologizing over and over. He's saying he doesn't want me to go away, that he misses me. that he loves talking to me again.....but that he "just doesn't know what to think". What do i do??? How long do I let him go through this? How long do I beat myself up? I feel like he's punishing me, and like he's trying to control me.....and I'm over it. i like him.....the him before.....but he won't even talk to me!!! Please help! I don't think the punishment fits the crime. Ask yourself if you really want to go through days of being ignored when you have a disagreement or misunderstanding with this guy. Did he even explain why he never showed up after work? His excuse sounds fishy.
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