I'm about to break no contact!: really want to thank her for ing me...

[Desensitized]

(The title is supposed to say, "I'm about to break no contact! - really want to thank her for helping me...")

Hey guys,

I really feel the urge to break no contact thanking her for telling me a long time ago to see a counselor about my issues - but should I? The message would go a little something like this: Hey D____, I don't expect a response from you, but I just wanted to thank you for saying to me a long time ago that, it's okay to seek help. It's okay if you need help from other people, that doesn't make me a coward. I just wanted to let you know that, if it weren't for you, I would still probably be that narcissistic prick I was to you a long time ago. You're right, I'm not better than you in any way; I genuinely mean that. Everyone is unique, and I just wanted to let you know that even though it took me some time to get better, I truly am. Not even feeding you bullsh*t.

 

Thanks again for all you did for me. Even though our breakup was pretty bad, I do still think about you and hope that you're in a better state emotionally and mentally. I don't think I'm ready to be friends yet, but hopefully, someday we will be able to be.

 

Best

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Help, these urges to contact her have been getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. If I do contact her, should I apologize for the way I acted towards the end of the relationship? I would think not because it's pointless to apologize for things I did long ago, but what do you guys think?

[wilsonx]

why??????????

[Desensitized]

why??????????

 

I don't know why I have these urges to contact her. Dumper's remorse, maybe. I don't know if this is a stupid choice, I'm obviously not thinking clearly - which is why I'm here, right? Right now, it seems like a logical choice, which is why I'm here asking if it is.

[wilsonx]

Just let it go... how long has NC been going on for?

[Desensitized]

Just let it go... how long has NC been going on for?

 

Almost 4 months. Broke up with her in January and then reconnected in the summer. Things got bad again in the summer and we both ended up saying stupid things to each other. Haven't talked to her since.

[EgoJoe]

Aren't you the Dumper in your case...but she was being crazy or something...?

 

If you are don't break NC let alone to send that.

 

If you're the Dumpee same rules apply. Don't, not for anything. No reason.

[Desensitized]

Aren't you the Dumper in your case...but she was being crazy or something...?

 

If you are don't break NC let alone to send that.

 

If you're the Dumpee same rules apply. Don't, not for anything. No reason.

 

Thanks for the reply, Ego.

Yeah, I was the dumper. She had BPD (so yeah, I guess you could say, "clinically crazy." I just don't know how to make these urges of wanting to contact her go away... sigh. It hasn't even been that difficult to remain NC, until now. Why is that?

But thanks, I literally had the message ready to be sent, but, I deleted it.

[EgoJoe]

Don't be an Armchair Psychologist. Unless she displayed all nine of the BPD traits frequently over a period of time she doesn't have it.

 

My Ex sent essentially the same message you want to send over two emails...sort of. You're not over her it's obvious. So stop the cycle.

[wilsonx]

Its going to take a long time for that. You have to do something and focus on you. You did the right thing in ending it I couldn't do it but I know the desire to contact her even now and how strong it is.

 

I saw egojoe suggest a book called "The Power of Now" Its a really good book. You should read it or better yet, get the audio book. I listened to it the past 2 days and its really good

[EgoJoe]

I only suggested that book because someone else did and it was a good idea for that dude....and I have it. Heh.

[Desensitized]

Not that it matters, but the doctors said she had BPD. But yeah, I need to stop the cycle, like you mentioned.

 

@Wilsonx: The desire is strong, no doubt! Also, I just bought the book you requested - hope it's a good read!

[EgoJoe]

Without him speaking to her...don't demonize your Ex and shift the blame to project in order to spare yourself pain, shame and guilt. Focus on yourself, thats the hardest battle and it's the only battle that can affect the war.

 

Oh yeah mofoing metaphoooors!

[Sugarkane]

I wouldn't bother sending anything. What good would that do?

[R32]

Secretly you're hoping for a chance of reconciliation. End of discussion.

 

Why else would you feel the need to tell her these things?