thtgrl_1970 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 My live-in bf of 2 years just abandoned me. Left without any conversation. I spent the summer caring for his kids, I gave everything to him. I want closure. He is avoiding me, I'm not pushing it, but his leaving the house is taking forever and he is sending me texts like we are casual friends. It's making me crazy. I want closure. I was going to send him this: XXXX, I'm going to vent, and I don't want any response. I just want to get some things off my chest. I need clusre and I know that I am the only one who can do that for me. I have to go through the stages of grief and deal with this pain. I can only do that when you are gone. Maybe you are over it and can send text messages like all is good. But I'm not. I look at my phone all day out of habit....I'm used to getting texts all day long from the man who loved me. I can't have any illusions that you are going to realize it was a mistake. So, I need you to be gone. Not sure what was going on this weekend that you could just take like one load a day, but that was really hurtful to me. Especially since I was gone all day Saturday to be out of your way. I don't want any reasons or excuses. I just want you to be where you want to be: out of my life. Please get the rest of your stuff, empty the basement, and delete me from your phone. Ok? This was not a healthy breakup. It was an abandonment, I feel. You were dishonest with me saying the relationship was worth much more to you than it was, that you were willing to do whatever it took to fix things. Not sure why you would say that if your love was SO conditional. Anyway, I think I deserve to be done with this. I want that kind of closure. Please don't respond with reasons or excuses. I don't want a response. I just want to release. I think I deserve that. Please leave me any keys that you have including my car key. Maybe someday, we'll run into each other and be able to talk. But for now, I can't be friends with someone who could treat me this way. I thought we were best friends. You were mine. Friends have bad times and work through it. We had some bad times, but I was excited about the opportunity to become closer. Silly me. It was good, a learning experience to be sure. But it's over now. OVER. I have to keep telling myself that. Painful, but I am working really hard on acceptance. All the best to you. Is that useless? The truth is that I WANT to know that it is OVER. I really, truly do want closure. Suggestions? [FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT]
Trovador Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Too many words... I'd get my point right away: "It's over, take your stuff and never contact me again!" Your message is full of drama, as if you actually expect an explanation, despite your words on the contrary... But you are right, you deserve to be done with this. Too bad other people don't care about "making you done". So, don't look for closure where there isn't none. Closure you must find it on your own, accepting that more or less it was fine while it lasted, but now you have a whole and new life to look forward... without him...
geegirl Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I know most guys don't even read letters like that, especially when they are unemotional and even more so when there's possibility of blame in there because they don't want to feel guilt. His actions are your closure. Plus, I know this is probably your second or third thread on here asking the same question. You want people to tell you to send it. It's too long. He's not going to read past the fourth para. and your closure comes knowing he wants out of the R. Your letter won't provoke an emotion in your favor. It won't hurt him or affect him. He can't give you the answers you need. PS: You want to know if it is truly OVER? He abandoned you.
lymtal1 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 thtgrl, i tend to agree with trov. although i know that getting those thoughts on paper is important as you feel like you are getting them off your chest. and you just did it to a degree. there are so many things that we want to say and for the most part they don't matter to the person that we are saying them to. you want to be in control of you and how you move forward. there are several great posts here where you can vent and what you want to say to him is more appropriate there as he'll never read it. i think send it but be very conscise with what you want. tell him by when and as trov suggested. then begin no contact and do what you have to do to make that successful as in this instance you very much need it to heal. good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Author thtgrl_1970 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Actually I just meant to post once. I accidentally did it twice. I am not looking for justification. I decided to do it. I don't expect anything. I think that was key. If he doesn't read it, I'm fine. I just want to be done. SERIOUSLY, everyone. I AM not just saying that. I felt I needed to send it after a lot of reflection. Thanks for all of your help/suggestions.
elizabeth26 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Yeah, I know how you feel... Closure is what you find on your own though. It sucks and you won't be the rational person you are used to being for awhile. Keep that note for yourself and send him a brief and polite message stating he needs to move out before a specified time or you will be placing his belongings on the sidewalk. It's not fair for him to keep his foot in the door. You know him but you aren't in his head and it doesn't sound like he has it all figured out either. What you need is a clean break.
LostInLimbo Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Hey I only had to read the Topic Line and already know how your feeling, closure as already mentioned is something you need to do on your own. I wanted closure and repeated that thought many times over, instead I just wrote out a letter telling my Ex how I felt about her (Not all good things) and how I felt, just never sent it. I still have it and go over it till this day, even though I am set to be married next year, I still look at it because it reminds me what I was feeling in the depression stage of my life and how because of what she did to me (Cheated) makes me more comfortable with Closure of the whole thing and how I got to where I am now. Best Wishes... LiL
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