having a hard time letting go of my first love - 8 year relationship

[nyc12]

Hello,

I'm having a really hard time letting go of my ex gf. she was my first love- we dated for 8 years, pretty much the majority of our 20's. she wanted to get married - i for some reason didnt think marriage was the right thing to do. This last year of the relationship we did long distance - a 2 hr plane ride away.

 

she ended it because she didnt like the long distance and had no commitment from me. she gave me several chances to come back, and i didnt take them. now that its looking like things could be final - im starting to freak out. i cant stop thinking about her. i wish a married her now. i wish i did all these things differently.

 

she isnt seeing anyone else, and is pretty much in the same shoes as me. she says its too late and ive had my chances. im about to buy a flight and show up at her door, but im afraid of what she'll say.

 

im so confused. i cant tell if im trying to hold on to this for the wrong reasons, or if she is the one for me and im about to lose her for good. this is pretty much the last chance to make something happen.

[mike111]

Whether it's a good friend or a lover, the fear of losing someone who has been in your life for so long (in your case, 8 years) can be quite real and intense.

 

You think you might be holding on more out of need?

 

mike

[nyc12]

Whether it's a good friend or a lover, the fear of losing someone who has been in your life for so long (in your case, 8 years) can be quite real and intense.

 

You think you might be holding on more out of need?

 

mike

 

 

im not sure how to tell the difference. how i can be sure where this intense feeling of needing her back is coming from? ive been afraid of marriage for years, but now im thinking - it cant be so bad if its the only way to get her back. i dont know.

[fetish1980]

You have to listen to your gut. If it didn't feel right, then more than likely, there was a reason. The last thing you should do is feel forced in to marriage. That will not make a successful marriage.

 

Just to let you know, i'm in the same boat as you. I was with my ex for 8 years. We broke up in February this year. Yes, it still hurts but i'm doing much better than in February. I think i've done more living in the last 8 months than i had in the last 8 years. I've met new people, joined new groups, and gotten to know myself more, more confident, and even been dating.

 

It's not so bad, it's just so easy to jump back to your safety blanket out of fear. Don't let that happen to you man.

 

fetish

[Glove_slap]

they say people in your life are seasons and anything that happen is for a reason..

- Kanye

 

studies also suggest that it takes approx. 6 months to every year the relationship ended to fully get over the break up. Kind of true, kind of untrue. It depends on your healing process and what you do to get over your ex. If you mourn then try to build yourself up as a human being without acknowledging your ex then you could possibly heal sooner than later. Do the opposite and it you might never forget your ex..