BK Girl Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 My b/f and I have been dating for almost 8 months and lately things haven't been going well. I have a really crazy schedule during the week (I work full time as well as go to school every evening) so needless to say we don't really get to see each other as often as we would like to. Weekends are supposed to be our time together and I often find myself putting off things that I have to get done (i.e. laundry, working on my music etc..) to be with him. I also try and spend the night at his place at least one night during the week even though it constitutes me waking up an extra hour early to catch a cab home (he lives in Manhattan and I live in Brooklyn). Well this last Friday when I spoke to him after work he started telling me how he had planned out for us to go to take my puppy to the beach on Saturday (total news to me). I explained to him that I had things to do on Saturday (I had made an appointment to get my hair done and also had an early morning dental appointment). Well I mentioned the hair appointment first and before I could even tell him about the dental appointment, he right away started guilt tripping me about how the weekends were supposed to be our time together and he thought I wanted to spend time with him since we had seen each other even less the last couple weeks (he had friends and family visiting him the last couple weekends). I asked him if he wanted me to change my hair appointment and he said "yes, you don't need to get your hair done anyway" . He then told me that we had to leave about 10:30 am, and then I realized that I had to cancel my dental appointment too. I told him I would call him later because we had made plans to meet up later that night when my school ended ( it's pretty custom that we spend Friday nights together). He was going out with his room mate while I was at school but said he'd be done at 9pm (when my school finishes). Well 9pm rolled around, I got out of school, and gave him a call. But no answer...so I left him a message explaining that my phone's battery was pretty much dead but that I would wait around for him instead of going home. So I went music shopping to kill time, even though I was exhausted from my long day and wanted to just go home and relax, but feared that he would call, get upset if I was in Brooklyn, and I would have to go back to Manhattan...so I waited for him for 45 minutes and then got bored of waiting and called him again. He was still out with his roomie and by that time I was pissed. He didn't care though and I ended up hanging up and going home. We got into this massive fight over the phone later on but ended up reconciling. Well the next day we went to the beach with my puppy, and here's the part where he thinks I'm overly jealous. My boyfriend is pretty outgoing and flirtatious and makes comments about other girls sometimes. On the way home from the beach, a girl in short shorts walks by and he makes a comment about how happy he is that its summer. The first thing that I think is 'I cancelled all my stuff to hang out with my boyfriend while he checks out other women?' I never hide what I'm feeling so I tell him that I don't appreciate his comment. He brushes it off as me being silly though. Then the next day while waiting for a table at a restaurant I 'm talking to him and another girl walks by wearing a little dress. He completely stops listening to what I'm saying to check her out! I don't say anything but it puts me in a bad mood regardless. We have one more fight later that day (this time about our sex life ) Well I end up spending that Sunday night with him too (my puppy is still with us, as he is in love with my dog) and he tells me that I should leave the dog at his place Monday and that he would come home at lunch and walk him and that I could just pick him up after school before going home. This is out of my way and inconvenient but since he really wants to watch my dog, I agree. Well, when I pick up the dog at 10pm last night all he talks about is the dog and how he gave my puppy the best day he's ever had and on and on and on. Not once does he ask how my day was or give me a hug or kiss hello. I ask him why and he says "I don't care how your day was. Not everything is about you! Today was about Bailey (my dog)" to which I say "the whole damn weekend was about Bailey!". He then tells me that I'm crazy and jealous of my dog and that I'm selfish and think the world should revolve around me. All I wanted was a "hi, how was your day?" I haven't talked to him since. Usually, when we fight I call and apologize but this time I really don't feel that I'm in the wrong. I rearrange my schedule for this guy all the time. I neglect things that are important to me just to spend time with him and he can't even acknowledge my existance. I can understand that his work comes first, and his family comes first, and his friends come first (as he constantly reminds me) but when I start feeling second to my own dog...well that's a bit much for me to handle. Am I just a door mat? I don't think I should call him, but I'm wondering if he'll care enough to call me or what will happen. Before I started dating him, I was unaware that it was selfish to want attention from your own b/f.
shellgranado Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 get rid of this guy . he doesnt want you he wants your dog and no friends dont come first they come last it goes like this 1. you come first 2. then family 3.then work 4.then friends hes using you you can do better hes a user and i hate to say itbut hes probley cheating when your not around
Pyrannaste Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 Am I just a door mat? Sounds so from your post. But you have already done the bigger step and realized it. Time for big changes in your life! My advice is begin to stop changing your plans for him, doing all the travelling, making his life easier. Stop being a giver and doing all you can do for a jerk who is not even able to appreciate it. Do not change your schedules/call off anything for him any more. Let instead *HIM* fix his schedule to meet your needs. Next weekend don't go at his place. Ask him to come at yours. if you live with your parents, he could just pick you up in Manhattan and drive you to his place in Brooklyn. And why bother waking up early to take a cab in the morning? Does not have a car to drive you back home? If he has no car, the minimum he could do is paying for your cab. But i suggest you have him take a bus/subway/any mean of trasportation with you, escort you home and then get back at his place. Sounds like you allowed him to take you for granted. You are upset because he comments at other women and he calls you silly? Tell him he is being plain rude(he is) and he is hurting you. One more comment and you leave him there alone. Stop nelecting your things to meet his needs. concentrate on yours!!!!
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