confused kitty Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 well it all started 5months ago when i met this guy, i dont fall in love easily at all, i find it very hard to trust people and let my guard down and dont like showing emotion! So there we are texting away for afew weeks and were geting on Great- i mean i feel like i can talk to him about anything and have already told him so many private things id never dream of telling any guy. I tryed to keep my usual "walls" up but i find with him i just cant, i already totally trust this guy!!! So finally I gave in and agreed to go on a date with him, and it was even better in person! No awkwardness or horrible silences you normally get on first dates, we both wanted the same things and both agreed there was defenitly somthing there... Things moved quite quickly after that less than a month later we were "officially together" we were talking about the future and what we both wanted, he wanted to wait 3 or 4 months and then move closer to me (i live an hour away) so we could be together more and eventually the plan was i would move in with him, he was constantly telling me how perfect i was and how he could see himself marrying me ( i Never wanted to get married- until i met him!). afew more weeks passed everything still going great and suddenly i dont hear from him for a week his phone turned off no way of getting in contact- finally he rings me and hes crying down d phone, turns out hes been on a methadone programe for almost a year... I was shocked i had no idea!!! we talked about the whole thing and he explained everything- he expected me to leave but i told him i loved him too much to just walk away so i said id stay.. One month later and hes about to go through a detox to get off the methadone, he said he wanted to do it for "us" i put no pressure on him what so ever quite the opposite actually! So two weeks into the detox he calls me sayin his head and emotions are all over the place and that he couldnt handle a relationship rite now - i was devestated this came totally out of no where!!! So 5 weeks passed of absaloutely no contact when eventually i get a text one night saying hes made a huge mistake and that we needed to talk.. So I made him wait afew days before i agreed to meet him, he told me everything that had gone on and how he was no doing much better and he broke up with me because he didnt want me to see him having to go through all that, he said all the right things, how he still feels the exact same for me and how sorry he was, how much he missed me, and how much he wanted me back and that he knew he hurt me bad but was willing to work for my forgiveness and prove to me how much he wanted "us" back... He told me to go away and think about it for afew days before i made a decision ( i wanted him back there and then!!!) He even noticed how it felt like nothing had ever happened as if the past 5 weeks never existed as if it was only yesterday we last saw eachother - so we hugged and i left agreeing to call him later that night ( as he asked me to) I drove away from him feeling relieved that i had him back... So I tryed to call but got no answer this went on for 10 days when i sent him a text saying if i didnt hear from him by the following day id call down to his house to get some answers! he txt me back to say he never said he wanted to start our relationship again and that he still feels the same way for me but that he needs to focus on himself right now, he wants to stay friends but thinks its best not to talk for a month or so and assured me there was nobody else.. well this happened yesterday and now ive never been more confused in my life................. I love this guy so much and as i said even though i never wanted to get married i can honestly see myself marrying him, im even thinking of baby names and i never wanted those either ha please HELP!!!!! Sorry that was so long and confusing, can anybody try make any sence from any of that???
SingleinSouth Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 What? You're kidding, right? OF COURSE he has to tend to himself right now! That's the only mature move he can make. He has nothing to offer you right now and probably, the relationship with you made him realize he has nothing to offer until he gets off the methadone. I imagine that he is on methadone to get off of heroin? Dang, that's more sh*t than I would want to get involved in (much less plan to have babies with) but you certainly should give him space, no contact, until he is in touch with you again. I hope he pulls through this if that is, in fact, what he is doing with his time.
Author confused kitty Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 yes was on heroin for afew years before hand, and to answer your question; If i knew all this at the begining (about his adiction) then yes I surely would have ran a mile, and thats exactly what I would advise anyone else in this situation to do.... But unfortunetly for me I stupidly let myself believe him, and everything he promised me(as in a future) and as a result fell head over heels in love with this guy - all BEFORE he told me he was an adict! * for the record i do not plan on having children anytime soon, i was only saying thats how serious i saw this relationship and yes i know it was only 5months but he honestly changed my outlook on life and made me feel things i never thaught really existed well certainly not to this level! His mother has been in contact with me and yes he is indeed "behaving" himself and attending the clinic as hes supposed to. she also told me he has been looking into treatment centres where he could go to detox properly. It was monday when he contacted me saying he wants to be "friends" but thinks its best we dont talk for a month or so. I told him thats fine, I hope at the least we could be friends one day, but that unless he was willing to meet me half way, I was done... (i left the ball in his court) So its been 4 days of NC until this morning, he calls me.... I didnt answer, much and all as i desperatley wanted too! so this has been on my mind all day, and i mean i literally cant think about anything else!!!! Then this evening, he calls again???? At this point Im starting to get a little worried, and i can safely say if he does call again, I really dont think Il be able to ignore his call This is from the same guy that said, only 4 days ago, "best not to talk for a month or so"... Im soo confused, should I keep the NC or answer his call but keep emotions out of it???? Please help, im sorry but I dont have anyone to talk to about any of this
SingleinSouth Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 If you care about him and he is calling you, I suppose I would answer because he may really need your support at this point. He may be really unsure WHAT he needs at this point but, of course, his main priority is to get through this withdrawal/detox. He may need a "friend". He may decide three days from now that he doesn't wanna talk at all. I think if you care about him, you should make it all about his needs right now and sort it out when he gets better. That is IF you care. I can't tell you what to do because walking away could be the best thing for YOU.
Author confused kitty Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Thank you, I know everyone always says NC is the way to go but lets face it this isnt your "typical" break up.. I do feel like maybe he just needs someone to talk to, as if he just wanted to say hi or have a casual conversation then he would have text me after i didnt answer his call.. I do care for him an awful lot, (i love this guy) i know it would be best for ME to walk away, but I cant, despite my feelings for him(and im not even sure if he feels the same anymore) walk away when he needs someone, I wouldnt walk away from a friend if they needid help and even though I want to be so much more than that, if thats what he needs right now then im willing to fall back into that category and put my feelings to one side for now in order to give him the help and support he needs to get through this.. He hasnt got many friends anymore, as he has had to stay away from all the old people he used to hang out with due to the fact that most of them are addicts too and if not they remind him of it.. My next question is do you think I should call him, or wait until he calls again?? Thank you so much again for all your advice, it really helps having someone to talk to
Recommended Posts