FloraJ Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Just a quickie to give you guys who are wanting your exes back some hope. I'm writing an article about dumpers who have wanted exes back and thought I'd pass on my initial research - I asked two (male) friends tonight if they have ever dumped a girl and wanted her back. Both immediately said yes. One said: "Doesn't that usually happen? Once the pain of the separation has gone you end up getting on well again and the attraction comes back." He did, however, say that he didn't change his mind after a couple of weeks, but after 6 months. My other friend didn't go into details but said it took him 6 months to want the person back. Due to the fact that we live in a very small town I'd say both went LC rather than NC (but more like seeing the other person around occasionally rather than any deliberate meeting up). I guess this is down to the old chestnut of dumpees having to move on completely from the ex before they can be their normal selves and the dumpers can remember what they liked about them. Hope all this makes sense! I'll pass on my research when I talk to more men & women and to dumpers who have had no contact with dumpees at all.
Layzie89 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Interesting. Good luck on your research, let us know what you discover.
ChelseaLS Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I like this post too. I am not the dumper, I am the dumpee, but this still makes my heart smile.
Ascension Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Through my research, most men will say yes. Ask most women, and it's a different story. They've made the strong affirmation in their mind that they do not want to get back together, and they have way more options. Constant attention with affection from guys. It's easier for them to move on.
ScienceGal Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) Through my research, most men will say yes. Ask most women, and it's a different story. They've made the strong affirmation in their mind that they do not want to get back together, and they have way more options. Constant attention with affection from guys. It's easier for them to move on. The "constant attention" from other men has nothing to do with it. For me, it's that I stay and struggle for a very long time... So when it's over, it's over. Im exhausted at that point and have essentially already gone through the bulk of the pain and grieving before the relationship is over. I've never left anyone in haste. Right now I am the dumpee, month 4... I sure hope he never comes back! Edited October 21, 2011 by ScienceGal
Coupedriver Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I thought maybe not but when I did research on this I came across several sites say that is the VERY thing keeps them from going back..."Constant Attention.." Ever walk into a bar and see what's going on..?? Women are getting "Constant Attention.." They asked several woman about this and said.." Want to be sure.? Join a Dating Site and watch how much attention a woman gets.!!.." Hundreds of e-mails every minute of every day.The problem you will have FloraJ is that there aren't THAT many dumpers on here to actually ask.There's a few but as pointed out in several posts..why would they even be here? ...There out having the time of there lives and NOT on this site. I would love to sit down with a bunch of them and get some answers too...I started research for a book called.."A Men of few fears And many Tears".
TLCbear Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) Through my research, most men will say yes. Ask most women, and it's a different story. They've made the strong affirmation in their mind that they do not want to get back together, and they have way more options. Constant attention with affection from guys. It's easier for them to move on. I agree with sciene gal...it's not the "constant attention" from other men, it's usually because women (generally speaking) do the grieving within the relationship, whereas, men do not. Therefore, when it's over, it's usually over. I'm a dumper and have done majority of my grieving within the relationship...and I know I can get my ex back if I wanted to, but what's the point, if you know things are not going to change for the better...that's the most important thing. I tried to break up with my ex about 4 times out of the 4 years we were together, my mind was ready, but my heart was no way there, so I stayed, and endured more pain...until I got tired and started to see I was wasting more time of my life with someone who claimed they love me, but actions were just the opposite. Do I still love him? Yes. Do I still miss him and think of him? Yes. Do I want him back? Of course, but as one said, it comes a point in your life you have to realize what is really good for you and what is not. I know it will never work, so why keep trying? So to all you dumpees, who think dumpers do not have any feelings, we do. Edited October 24, 2011 by TLCbear
TLCbear Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 He did, however, say that he didn't change his mind after a couple of weeks, but after 6 months. Of course it takes them over 6 months because most of the time they are so busy sampling other women UNTIL they finally realize they are not able to find a similiar chemistry they have had with their ex. Men (geneally speaking) do not think about consequence like women do. Women more so weight their options before leaving. I had an ex to come back to me about a year after he broke up with me, I did give it another chance, but quickly find out, I no longer felt the same about him, so it eventually ended...and that was it.
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