toosoft Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Come on fella, stop blaming yourself. Marriage is a 50/50 shared thing, victories and failings... I know this is all really hard, God knows ive been through all those emotions and irrational thoughts too. No doubt, ill relapse some point soon and be joining you, mourning something we have no real control over. Just remember, you have to do NC/LC for your own sanity too, dont respond to breadcrumbs. Improve yourself, be cheerful if you run into her and start rebuilding your life.
ThreeLegDog Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 im pretty hurt and starting to get angry now..... how can women just hop to the next train just like that? It's interesting... my WW used that train analogy on me. She said "Men are like freight trains. Just wait a few minutes and another one will come along and you can hop a ride." I was like "???..." I said "Honey, there's only one one version of this train."
Author Majkl Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 There is no breadcrums. There is ''I dont see a need for us to be friends, there is leave me alone and move on, we're done''. ''I am 100% sure''. There's absolutely no contact from her side unless she needs $$. She said it to me few times when I was still trying to talk some sense into it, she said: I dont miss you AT ALL, I am HAPPY, I am FREE, I dont want to be in a relationship. She's like ICE, no breadcr. at all whatsoever. Anyways I'm sticking to NC/LC now, I need to be a man that I have potential to be... and I have to make ME happy now, just that it's very hard sometimes to pick myself out of this pain. What I dont understand with some women is how can they turn of emotional side sometimes? I am confident in myself that I can do great on my own... I just have to stop slumping and I must extinguish this hope of thinking that she will turn around. I mean after everything I have heard for the past two months there's absolutely no chance, and if there was any chance she said I ruined it by acting how I acted (Which by the way I dont find fair because I was an emotional wreck.....) and saying things like can you not make decisions while either of us is emotional got hit by LOL - cant do things and expect me to give you clean slate every time. Just **** it. The moment I find out she's with OM or involved I'm done forever - this is one emotional trust bond that I will never allow being broken. If anything I am resolute on that, but this all is a big emotional rollercoaster atm and god knows how I will feel tomorrow.
jaymz Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Majkl, we spoke the other night in the coping room. You have read the other threads and got great advice here. You know what to do next. Good luck
toosoft Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 The moment I find out she's with OM or involved I'm done forever Very much how I feel... Ive just had contact from my W, usual trying to twist things round, so ive ignored most of it. She said it maybe time to file for divorce, so my simple reply said 'if you cant get yourself out the affair fog (google it), then eventually thats exactly what will happen'. Its kinda an ultermatum from me, cos id rather be single than even try to reconcile with who she is at the minute.
worldgonewrong Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I was told by another friend of mine (female) that my ex probably is very angry at the moment because she seems not to want the 'family or responsibilities' and now she is forced to deal with them on her own and she doesnt like that, but thats what she wanted by asking me to leave. heh - sounds like my wife...
Author Majkl Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Yeah, I'm being blamed for her realizing this life is not what she wanted and she only did it for me. Thats the general idea now in her head that she has been saying while villainizing me and victimizing herself. Dunno what to think anymore, pretty much gotta let it go and do what everyone else is saying here, just focus on ME and my kid. Just have to slice any hope I have at this point to make my healing easier, some days I feel like I can do it, then something sets me back and I end up wondering again, need to do some psychology tricks to cut hope at the root when it starts. Anyways feeling pretty positive now, I'm sure if anything I'm coming out as a better man and perhaps a whole individual after this whole **** plays itself out... and I dont think she has figured out anything. Stay strong guys!
robf1971 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I am really blaming myself for her drifting away, specially knowing she did try to get through to me but I dismissed it taking her for granted thinking she had no options but to comply because I thought what I thought was right and she was wrong. Reading a lot of books and starting to realize how ****ed up and unfair/unjust I was towards her I was and how it must have made her feel lonely and why wasn't I on her side. I was just selfish. I cant forgive myself for that, I dont think I ever will be. But I know I will have to put it behind me in order to get better and move on... and never forget a lesson I learned here... Everyone makes mistakes, undoubtedly you did, but you blaming yourself as badly as this is too far. Like she was some sort of perfect human being?
ShatteredReality Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 There is no breadcrums. There is ''I dont see a need for us to be friends, there is leave me alone and move on, we're done''. ''I am 100% sure''. There's absolutely no contact from her side unless she needs $$. She said it to me few times when I was still trying to talk some sense into it, she said: I dont miss you AT ALL, I am HAPPY, I am FREE, I dont want to be in a relationship. She's like ICE, no breadcr. at all whatsoever. Anyways I'm sticking to NC/LC now, I need to be a man that I have potential to be... and I have to make ME happy now, just that it's very hard sometimes to pick myself out of this pain. What I dont understand with some women is how can they turn of emotional side sometimes? I am confident in myself that I can do great on my own... I just have to stop slumping and I must extinguish this hope of thinking that she will turn around. I mean after everything I have heard for the past two months there's absolutely no chance, and if there was any chance she said I ruined it by acting how I acted (Which by the way I dont find fair because I was an emotional wreck.....) and saying things like can you not make decisions while either of us is emotional got hit by LOL - cant do things and expect me to give you clean slate every time. Just **** it. The moment I find out she's with OM or involved I'm done forever - this is one emotional trust bond that I will never allow being broken. If anything I am resolute on that, but this all is a big emotional rollercoaster atm and god knows how I will feel tomorrow. Strictly speaking from my own experience. I went through a break myself a few years ago. About the bolded. It's survival. It's from all the years of burying the pain and slowly degrading yourself until you realize if you continue this path the only option is to "opt out" because that's how much you hate yourself. Now...I am not now nor was I a true suicide risk. Hence the shut down. I completely voided myself of all painful emotions regarding my husband. It was much like rebooting a computer. You shut everything down completely, wait a bit, then slowly things begin to turn back on. This is her breakdown. OM or not, he's just a symptom of a much deeper issue she's battling right now. First off I will tell you this - and hear me please. Her actions are HER actions. It doesn't matter what you did - that doesn't give her license to cheat. So, if she began an affair before kicking you out - the affair is on her. YOUR actions are YOURS. If you contributed to her emotional instability then you need to own that - you do NOT own HER affair though. It's going to be difficult to separate all of it since it all seems to closely linked...but suffice it to say that right now - she's not your wife. She's some version of herself created out of a primal need for survival and a complete inability to cope with the true problems surrounding her. There are better ways to handle this situation...she either wasn't strong enough or emotionally prepared enough to take those routes. I say this knowing full well that neither was I at the time of my breakdown. It seems so callous to say it is what it is...but that's the truth of the matter. You cannot control her, you cannot control anything exterior right now. Work on you. Fix you. Make sure you don't repeat those mistakes again. I'll say it again...work on being the man you need to be to be a good father now and a decent husband in the future. Financial stability is nothing if it's brought along with neglect and abuse. I'd rather be lower class and happy than upper class and miserable. And with the social divide growing more and more these days...well let's face it, there's a 96% chance of landing in the first group! You may be doing well financially - use that to get the counseling you need and to learn the things you must learn to be "the better you".
Author Majkl Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I think my heart is hardening, the thought of her being with another man now while I am going through what I am going is enough to cool me down and kill any flicker of hope. I did not deserve this nor did my son, nor did the idea of family. So many people here tried SO HARD with x y solutions, my wife just gave up and checked out. I will try not to hold any resentment or hatred but me and my son did not deserve this... not like this... not without a fight. I can't believe I ignored all of those words from her and still wanted her back, stripped myself of any selfrespect and selfworth threw my heart on the floor thinking it would show my sincerity to make things right. How could anyone ever go over these famous words ILYBNILWY? I just feel there should have been bigger fight for our marriage than this. Women who walk out because someone else sparked their heart because they werent happy at home due to whatever reason... I guess this is fair? I guess it is.
Author Majkl Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Maybe this wasnt that much of a true love deal anyways? Why else would it have come this far... I mean hearing the words I'm not in love with you anymore I dont feel the same for you anymore (PROBABLY BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHERMAN) while we had problems at home... how does one go over this?
Richard Friedman Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 = She's like ICE, no breadcr. at all whatsoever. Anyways I'm sticking to NC/LC now, I need to be a man that I have potential to be... and I have to make ME happy now, just that it's very hard sometimes to pick myself out of this pain. What I dont understand with some women is how can they turn of emotional side sometimes? Woman are supposed to be the compassionate gender but as you've found, they have no sympathy for weak men. A man showing weakness, begging, pleading NAUSEATES them and they can seem like the most callous people in the world. To a woman a guy with no self respect is like an insect. And your simpering, accepting all the blame shows how little self respect you have. You treat her like some angel beyond reproach. Anything she does is justified, and it's your fault. So you spent a little too much time at work? You know how many women would kill to have a man who works hard? Especially in this economy. Take her off the goddamn pedestal in your head. She's low class trash who broke your family up on a whim. Inevitably it's men like you, who put women on a pedestal and think it's wrong to be assertive and confident who're left wondering what hit them.
Author Majkl Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) I'm fine now, took me a while to get it. Big part of me feeling how I felt was the guilt, because I know I didn't make her happy with my behaviour and she felt smothered and controlled, she sucked it up to the point of breaking. She said herself its her fault as well she should have never let me etc but I was just blind and fixated on the thought I was right. No person should ever control another person or try to impose and disrespect their feelings/opinions - that is what I have done, on top of that not keeping promises I made. I know for a fact she tried to be who I wanted her to be, ultimatively this never works out because I just didn't accept her for who she is... So I'm not really angry or upset anymore, I know it takes two. I know she tried. I know I dismissed it as ''what does she know about life''. I've regained my composure now and I am fully aware of pluses and minuses, the only thing that ticks me off is that her brain just reset kind off and she just returned to be how she was before we met. I'm not really angry anymore, I wish I hadnt acted the way I did, I wish she had more life experience and strenght but I can't blame her - this has nothing to do with pedestaling. About being weak, at the point of losing my family I admit it, I lost it, I couldnt bear the thought... I'm trying to accept who I was and not blame myself for it anymore, I am a human being and I learn from my mistakes, I wish I was wise and learned from other people instead but it is what it is. Can't cry about it anymore but to pick myself up and do the best I can now because past belongs to past. I do love my wife and if I have pushed her away so be it, I will pick myself up and wish her all the best, if she truly loves me she will come around and see that I am a good man and everything she wants then that would make me a very happy man, if not so be it, it's life. On a side note, 12 days NC, getting stronger by each day. Edited October 29, 2011 by Majkl
Cherrygirl1968 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Hello everyone, here's my story Basicly I'll try to keep it as short and straight to the point as I can. My wife left me after 4 years of relationship, we have a son who is 1 year and 3 months old, we lived together in a rented house which we fully furnished & prepared for life. She is 24 and I am 29. She said she doesnt love me the same way anymore, said she doesnt feel attracted to me anymore, how I am not the man for her, and that for the ''2 weeks period where she had to see if she could love me the same way again she realized I am not a man for her''. (I did not really understand the seriousness of the situation for those 2 weeks and I had not really understood how she actually felt, I figured it's just another of her nags, boy was I wrong.) When she said that day to me that she wants me to leave my I broke down and realized the seriousness of it. To make it short I left. Several weeks I've tried to talk to her to 'plead my case' tell her how I see what I've done wrong, I cant explain it but once you lose everything you have cared for, family, home, time with your son, future planned out - I broke. I will give you exact harsh truth here: I took her for granted I thought she should take care of the home, on top of that study and take care of our son whenever she is at home so I could focus on my work, I was being paid well so I wanted to focus that for future, I admit I took it too far and neglected/isolated/ignored her pleads for help, to spend time with her or help her in general with house chores. Instead I just expected her to do those things on her own. I also on top of that did not like her wanting to go out with her girlfriends to have fun, I limited it to very rarely every few months, I also didnt like her friends coming over to our house. I controled the money very tightly, I have made fun of her, I have put her down, I have made her feel less worth, I've said mean things to her every time she fought out to break this behaviour from me but I kept being an *******. Now I can feed you crap how I've changed, how i've seen the light, to be honest I read a lot of literature and realized I lost myself as a man and I let my fears and insecurities get the worse of me, I acted like a major jackass. I tried to control and take freedoms from a person I am supposed to love, I neglected and took her for granted. To turn now into a person who realizes that she is the woman I love till the end of time and that I had everything a man can truly wish for, I just never let us be happy. I thought my work will create a future for us but that doesnt excuse my neglect of her nor the controling behaviour towards her, isolating her from her friends and family. Just a typical insecure person. No wonder she stopped loving me huh? Well, I realize now I was a major jackass and yeah (WOWWWW) I want her back and I want our son to have a home and a family he deserves and that what I have done is wrong and I wouldnt dream being like that again, I've already started working on myself to see who I am etc... Bottom line, she wont hear of it, she says to move on that we are over and that I had my chance and if I had loved her I would never treat her like that, and that now she is sure she doesnt want to be in a relationship she wants to be with herself and that she doesnt know what future brings but she wants me to try to move on and that there is no chance she will come back to me. I wont act feed you with my patheticness, basicly I am a shell of a young man I once was, I have lost my way, and now my life. Despite me thinking now I know what I did was wrong and the pleads that I would never be like that again, its been futile, for past 4 weeks I have tried to show her I wouldnt be like that, it only resulted in her becoming more and more angry with me and I quote she will never ever be with me again, I havent changed I dont respect her, she doesnt miss me at all, she doesnt feel anything for me or anyone else. What she did was give our son to her grandmother to take care of while she went out partying for the past month ++. Now I dont want to be judgemental, or panic, or think is there another man, when I have asked about it, I got teeth shown that there wasnt and that its not my business anymore. Now I have read every ''how to get your ex'' out there and I know for sure I want her back and its not just a whim. I'm more or less emotionally stable now but I still slip from time to time. I'm kinda lost at the moment and I dont know what to do next, I figured just leave her alone after all the begging and pleading and I know these things were wrong but please understand me I was demolished. Had someone told me I would feel this pain I would said no way! Atm I am trying to keep LC but its not easy. So how do you guys find mental strenght not to go after your wife and beg her to see how you have changed. I know I am a cliche after reading everything here. I wouldnt have dreamed of writing my story here but since I have read some threads I realize that people here are really nice and helpful and that I am not really alone. So with immense humility please help me... I know it probably looks sad and pathetic but I really want my family back and I know I'd be amazing husband and father now, but I keep hitting the wall of rejection... Honest opinions are welcome, as I said her atitude towards me is, forget me and move on, that she hates me and will never give me another chance in life and how happy she is being solo and enjoying life figuring who she is and what she wants in life, and that she is sure its not me... Sincerely Just another ******* who couldnt apreciate what he had I am so sorry for what you are going through, believe me, I am going through it as well. I have mixed emotions about your story as I do mine. I posted mine yesterday as a last ditch effort to save myself. Check it out. It sounds to me like she is where I have found myself to be over the last three months. I can say that I am proud of you for realizing the mistakes you have made. I, like her have fell for the same message from my husband but, he hasn't made much change. In some small ways yes. But many, no. Its been 3 months separated for us and he only now says he knows what he had. I have tried to cut him out of my life but my love for him is so intense and I'm the a*****e because he has done nothing but treated me like **** for several years. I continued to be the great wife and mom to my daughter. He did nothing but go to work and come home. I did everything. I didn't want him to have to do anything. I'm torn between will he really change and for how long, will I ever trust him again. Seems to me, she is feeling the same way about you. Maybe she is still angry. When anger gets in the way, there is still love. Mostly it gets in the way from all of the pain. When her pain is gone, she may come back to you. Look, he is trying to with me, I fall for it, only to get let down again. When I am angry with him however, I can cut him off in a heartbeat and tell him right where to go...AN MEAN IT. After a day or so, he had time to think and is back to I love you again and I miss you. I want my life back...OMG where was here for 5 yrs?! Give her some time, If she really loves you, and can see the changes you have made, things will work themselves out. You have a child together and that gives you two some reason to communicate. Make it positive, notice things about her and tell her what you see to start making her see the change, some change, any change is a start. Good luck and I hope to follow ur post for updates. I truely hope things work out for the best. Keep the faith and if it doesn't work out, learn from your mistakes and be better for the next relationship you will be in. : )
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I hate to say this, but talk is cheap, and while you may have good intentions of changing your behavior, she has no reason to believe that you can or will. When people are treated badly and taken for granted, their love slowly dies until there is nothing left. She gave you ample opportunity to change. She warned you that you needed to change, but you were so callous that you did nothing but continue to treat her badly. I doubt she'll give you another chance at this point. I would suggest maintaining LC, don't beg and plead, but do express sentiments to her when you talk to her that you miss her, that you realize how you took her for granted, and how wrong you were, and how sorry you are. That's all you can do. It's possible she may consider getting back together when she realizes she misses the comfort and familiarity of her husband. I know a couple that were in the same boat as you--husband took the wife for granted, never spent time with her, treated her badly, and she decided she no longer loved the guy and could no longer stand to be married to him, so she separated from him for 7 months, but they did end up getting back together when they both realized they missed each other and the familiarity of being together, and they are working on their marriage now. But I think their situation is the exception. In all likelihood, she's closed the book on your relationship since you didn't make any effort to save the marriage when you had the chance. Too much damage has been done. Sorry. LC is the way to go, in the outside chance that she will consider seeing you again. But don't ask to see her again for a while. If you want to have any chance at all, you have to take the time to build back the feelings gradually. Make some nice, friendly, light conversations with her on the phone. Don't pressure her about her dating life. It's no longer your business, and will drive her further away if you do. But be sure to tell her you miss her when you end the call. There's always hope until the divorce papers are signed.
Author Majkl Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 I'm well aware of my doings. Since I think that I am thinking clearly and have regained myself I'm done with emotional stuff that I have done after the separation out of grief and loss. I have no desire to prove myself to her, she's thrown her cards, if she wants anything to do with me she will come to me. I'm focusing on myself and my son now, if she is willing to do anything she will come to me, I am done repeating myself. I actually feel embarassed how I have acted after she hit me with the news, how desperate, whiny, clingy, needy and pathetic I was, this is not who I am... and yet she broke me. Never gonna do the same mistakes again, and never gonna let myself break like this again, to strip myself of any self-respect and self-esteem in hopes that she could see the sincerity in me (which she cant, she tried and I didnt show it over last 2 years so why should she believe me now because I am emotional and suddenly I speak the truth because I've seen the light?). Sometimes it takes a point of being broken to get it. Thanks for the replies.
robf1971 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Woman are supposed to be the compassionate gender but as you've found, they have no sympathy for weak men. A man showing weakness, begging, pleading NAUSEATES them and they can seem like the most callous people in the world. To a woman a guy with no self respect is like an insect. And your simpering, accepting all the blame shows how little self respect you have. You treat her like some angel beyond reproach. Anything she does is justified, and it's your fault. So you spent a little too much time at work? You know how many women would kill to have a man who works hard? Especially in this economy. Take her off the goddamn pedestal in your head. She's low class trash who broke your family up on a whim. Inevitably it's men like you, who put women on a pedestal and think it's wrong to be assertive and confident who're left wondering what hit them. I completely agree, every single one of these situations the walk away spouse heaps all the blame on the left behind spouse. The OP is believing that he is 100% responsible for all this, truth is probably they are both equally to blame. My wife blamed me for everything, later when her 'Loving Romantic feelings' returned for me she admitted we both might be at fault and now was a good time to go to marriage counselling. That shows what a crock the whole thing was.
Diogenes Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I completely agree, every single one of these situations the walk away spouse heaps all the blame on the left behind spouse. The OP is believing that he is 100% responsible for all this, truth is probably they are both equally to blame. My wife blamed me for everything, later when her 'Loving Romantic feelings' returned for me she admitted we both might be at fault and now was a good time to go to marriage counselling. That shows what a crock the whole thing was. Just curious, I had not read all your threads, are you and you wife back together?
robf1971 Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Just curious, I had not read all your threads, are you and you wife back together? Yep, But it was in the minority where there was no cheating involved.
KathyM Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 I'm well aware of my doings. Since I think that I am thinking clearly and have regained myself I'm done with emotional stuff that I have done after the separation out of grief and loss. I have no desire to prove myself to her, she's thrown her cards, if she wants anything to do with me she will come to me. I'm focusing on myself and my son now, if she is willing to do anything she will come to me, I am done repeating myself. I actually feel embarassed how I have acted after she hit me with the news, how desperate, whiny, clingy, needy and pathetic I was, this is not who I am... and yet she broke me. Never gonna do the same mistakes again, and never gonna let myself break like this again, to strip myself of any self-respect and self-esteem in hopes that she could see the sincerity in me (which she cant, she tried and I didnt show it over last 2 years so why should she believe me now because I am emotional and suddenly I speak the truth because I've seen the light?). Sometimes it takes a point of being broken to get it. Thanks for the replies. It was in your brokeness that you actually showed that you cared. That you valued her and wanted her and wanted to save your relationship. There is nothing wrong with showing that side of you (assuming you don't go nuts about it). If you had done that, instead of being stubborn, while you still had her there, she probably would not have left you. If you want to have any chance of getting back with her, do not build up a wall. You will have to prove to her that you have changed, repeatedly, before she might believe there is hope for reconciling. Continue to have conversations with her over the phone. Keep it light at first, just to maintain contact. Keep your foot in the door, so to speak, if you want to have any chance to reconcile. I'm a firm believer in marriage and do believe people can get back together. My friend did who had much of the same dynamics in her marriage than you described. After a 7 month separation, they got back together. My sister was separated for a year from her second husband and came very close to reconciling up until the divorce was finalized. If it weren't for the fact that he didn't give up his online female interests fast enough during their separation and attempts to reconcile, they would still be married. There is still hope if you don't harden your heart.
Author Majkl Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) Dear Kathy, I am still in a lot of pain, mainly because any remaining hope I had pretty much is vanishing. My Mil told me that wife spoke to her grandmother and grandmother asked about 'what about me' and she told her she doesnt know she has to think about it. Well today I found out it was just a lie by MIL to give me false hope (for whatever reason I dont know). But I can not hurt myself anymore hoping... I heard wife told her grandmother that she had more fun and was happy in the first 5 days of being away from me than in 4 years of marriage... How can anyone say this? On top of that I wasnt all that bad, but I'm painted as the source of unhappiness... I never enjoyed her need for attention and aproval from other people and constant need to *party* so I tried to change her show her that family is more important, having stable home for us and our son is important... it's not like she didn't go out, she did - just not as much as she wanted to... Anyways this really stings deep and I can't hurt myself any more like this... Going NC with her family as well now... My heart isnt hardening, it's just going to the point of not being able to take more pain... I wasnt a dictator, I just wanted some borders respected but she constantly kept fighting against it, I guess I let myself get blindened by love thinking she would see the other side of family and see that it's much better and important than going out partying and being center of attention. I also think that it's insanely unfair to rewrite history of our marriage... there were so many good moments, I think I just wasnt enough for her - and I wanted to be - hence I tried to control her - hence my insecurity and fears and whatnot. I should've said do whatever the hell you want as long as you do what you need to do just like I have to... but that wasn't enough for her, now she's living the life she wanted, which is visiting friends all over country - sleeping over at their places - hanging out and going to bars clubs and socializing. Everything she wanted to do before when she was 20 now she is doing, so be it. I guess that side of the grass is greener for her. What kind of person says they had more fun in 5 days than in 4 years of marriage. I've helped her so much... & in my brokenes I dont think she saw crap, she said I hear you I understand you but I dont care nor feel anything, if you came to me with this few months ago I would've been the happiest person. She's far from perfect, but I loved her. There is nothing else but to put her behind me and move on with my life, 3 months of being insulted, yelled at, hated and resented is enough for me. Edited October 29, 2011 by Majkl
TroyNJ Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) That's what happens, the change the entire history of your relationship, my wife did the exact same thing. They do this to justify the decision to leave the marriage, what it does is release them from any guilt at all for giving up. Nothing you can do or say to her will matter, I went through this and couldn't believe the things she would say, it ripped my heart to shreads. I will no longer accept that behavior from her, if she starts that bs she hears nothing but a dial tone in her phone. Edited November 2, 2011 by TroyNJ
Author Majkl Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 Update: Well, from what I heard is that she contemplated getting back together for few weeks but she's made her mind up, it would never be the same again to her. And how my actions in the weeks after separation and things I've said are imprinted in her brain and cemented the resolution to never be with me again. How being single is 'awesome', she's happy and having ''mad fun''. I'm done, time to let go of any false hope I had that I could make things right by changing myself and showing it to her, if she's not willing to try there isnt much more I can do. I guess the 'asking if I am ok, if I am asking about her, if I am still sad, what am I doing was just giving me false hope, combined with her telling her mother that she doesnt know she must do some thinking bla bla was just bs that I've heard in the last few days. I really would have made everything to make her happy now and show her I'd never treat her bad again in my life... It sucks to accept the fact that I will never get the chance to make wrong right, but I have to accept it. Thats life. I feel its unfair to not even give me a chance to show this side of me... but her mindset is you cant control someone for 2 years and then want a clean slate after you screw it up every time. Anyone got any encouraging words for me to let go of this and heal faster? =P It's just the **** feeling of I had it all that turned to I have nothing now.
TroyNJ Posted November 2, 2011 Posted November 2, 2011 Only time will make you feel better, I have been exactly where you are now, I didn't think I could go on, that was a year ago, I still have bad moments but I'm almost healed. I had 15 years invested in my marriage when she walked away. It will improve, keep posting!
Author Majkl Posted November 2, 2011 Author Posted November 2, 2011 I dont think I can truly start healing and moving on as long as I keep hoping, it's been 3 months now, and I've been repeatedly rejected and told there is no chance. How she did contemplate to come back to me for few weeks but decided not to in the end. What I'm saying is why do I still hope? When will I stop hoping? Do I need to see her with OM to get it? Am I some kind of masochist that enjoys hurting himself over and over? I guess I'm just not very strong...
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