monkey00 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I'll try to make a very long story short.... So sometime a little over a month ago my gf moved out of my apartment without telling me and moved into her friend's place a few blocks away. Anyway I guess there were several unresolved issues we had leading up to that point. I guess primarily for me, she wouldn't do anything chores in the house and I always had to clean up after her mess considering she's home more often than I am. And primarily for her, she had an issue with me in that she expected me to pay for her most/all the time when we would go out, and pay for her also if we went on vacation. Sometimes I would cover her when we would go out, but she expected it to be often. A few weeks ago I found out that she had lied to me about her finances when we discussed about it during our dating phase. All the time she gave me the impression that she was good with her money and good at saving (which is how I am), which is kind of the opposite really. She was bad with her finances and sometimes she would be broke in between pay checks w/o telling me. So for about a month we've been trying to work it out, I've been willing to make compromises in the relationship particularly helping her out financially. But truthfully I don't really sense that she is willing or ready to make any compromises on her part. In a nutshell I've always felt that she is a selfish person and doesn't respect me at times. Currently she's a full time night student, last week she quit her full-time day job because it was interfering with her schoolwork. At that time she also brought up the possibility of moving back in with me, and deciding to stay unemployed for at least a year. She threw that out there to see how I would react, but she said she's ok if she's just living with her friend and having her dad pay for her expenses. Honestly I feel it would be messed up both ways: She's allowing her hard working 50 something yr old dad pay for her expenses if she lives on her own. If she lives with me, she would expect me to pay for the rent, bills, groceries, dates, etc by myself...which basically is leeching off me, while choosing to be unemployed. While she said she's okay, I have a hunch would prefer to move back in and leech off me. I have been wondering for the longest time if she really wants to be with me for my money and I can provide for her financially or if she truly wants to be with me. Considering how she lied to me about her finances for over a year, her spending habits, inability to share household responsibilities, spoiled in that she expects people to take care of her - but doesn't know how to take care of others, on top of expecting me to be her bank, I just don't know if I should move on her stay with her. She practically has nothing to offer me and a lot of times I feel she treats her friends better than she treats me. What do you guys think about this situation? I have been debating about moving on.
laotzu Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Honestly, I'd say "no thanks". You're not even engaged, and she's expecting you to put her through school and not incur any debt to support herself? Do you really want to make these sacrifices, and have the relationship not work out? Knowing what I know now in life - and particularly because she lied to you - I wouldn't pay for her living expenses unless marriage was on the table. Either move on, or tell her she can live with her friend - it'd be her father's responsibility to talk to her, then. Toss the saved money in your 401(k).
InJest Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 You're an idiot. Dump her. Stop answering her calls. Or pay for her, and stop complaining.
norajane Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Spoiled, selfish, leech, liar...you haven't said one single thing that you like about her in your whole post, so I have zero understanding of why you would want to be with her anyway.
Sanman Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Considering how she lied to me about her finances for over a year, her spending habits, inability to share household responsibilities, spoiled in that she expects people to take care of her - but doesn't know how to take care of others, on top of expecting me to be her bank, I just don't know if I should move on her stay with her. She practically has nothing to offer me and a lot of times I feel she treats her friends better than she treats me. What do you guys think about this situation? I have been debating about moving on. She lied to you, is spoiled, does not treat you well and wants back in now that she needs money. What is left to debate? Move on
louise_23 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I'll try to make a very long story short.... So sometime a little over a month ago my gf moved out of my apartment without telling me and moved into her friend's place a few blocks away. Anyway I guess there were several unresolved issues we had leading up to that point. I guess primarily for me, she wouldn't do anything chores in the house and I always had to clean up after her mess considering she's home more often than I am. And primarily for her, she had an issue with me in that she expected me to pay for her most/all the time when we would go out, and pay for her also if we went on vacation. Sometimes I would cover her when we would go out, but she expected it to be often. A few weeks ago I found out that she had lied to me about her finances when we discussed about it during our dating phase. All the time she gave me the impression that she was good with her money and good at saving (which is how I am), which is kind of the opposite really. She was bad with her finances and sometimes she would be broke in between pay checks w/o telling me. So for about a month we've been trying to work it out, I've been willing to make compromises in the relationship particularly helping her out financially. But truthfully I don't really sense that she is willing or ready to make any compromises on her part. In a nutshell I've always felt that she is a selfish person and doesn't respect me at times. Currently she's a full time night student, last week she quit her full-time day job because it was interfering with her schoolwork. At that time she also brought up the possibility of moving back in with me, and deciding to stay unemployed for at least a year. She threw that out there to see how I would react, but she said she's ok if she's just living with her friend and having her dad pay for her expenses. Honestly I feel it would be messed up both ways: She's allowing her hard working 50 something yr old dad pay for her expenses if she lives on her own. If she lives with me, she would expect me to pay for the rent, bills, groceries, dates, etc by myself...which basically is leeching off me, while choosing to be unemployed. While she said she's okay, I have a hunch would prefer to move back in and leech off me. I have been wondering for the longest time if she really wants to be with me for my money and I can provide for her financially or if she truly wants to be with me. Considering how she lied to me about her finances for over a year, her spending habits, inability to share household responsibilities, spoiled in that she expects people to take care of her - but doesn't know how to take care of others, on top of expecting me to be her bank, I just don't know if I should move on her stay with her. She practically has nothing to offer me and a lot of times I feel she treats her friends better than she treats me. What do you guys think about this situation? I have been debating about moving on. woooahhh horsey! full time job plus full time night study? are you joking? she's not superwoman. maybe suggest she gets a part time job, say a weekend job or something, and see how that goes. i am studying right now and i did once try it while working full time and its just a recipe for disaster in my opinion. youve found more than one reason not to be with her in this post, and it sounds like youve already made your mind up to me you're just waiting to make the leap. only you can decide really. have a heart to heart with her and get it all out in the open. thats all i can say.
CarrieT Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Not even sure what you are debating; you know she will leech off of you if you let her. You are already bitter and angry about her lies of how she manages (or doesn't manage) her money and it would only get worse, if you let it. Move on.
Pierre Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 And this is why is not a good idea to play house in non-committed relationships. Everyday I see multiple examples as to why it is bizarre to pretend to be a couple in non-committed relationships. She is a full time student and at best she should only work a few hours a week in such a manner that she has enough money to buy ice cream on the weekend. Any other expectation is rather unrealistic. The OP is also unrealistic in expecting a full time student to contribute financially to his household. Living together with these assumptions is naive. This girl has no business living with a guy until she is done with school. In the meantime it is perfectly acceptable for her parents to pay her school tuition. That does not mean she is a leech, BTW: It is not uncommon for a spouse or partner to be a full time student in committed relationships. In this instance the working partner willingly makes the sacrifice to put her or his partner (or spouse) through school without whining about money. However, this can only occur in serious committed relationships. If there is no commitment and they are simply playing house this will not work.
Yamaha Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 She lied to you, is spoiled, does not treat you well and wants back in now that she needs money. What is left to debate? Move on Seconded.....
Sanman Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 And this is why is not a good idea to play house in non-committed relationships. Everyday I see multiple examples as to why it is bizarre to pretend to be a couple in non-committed relationships. She is a full time student and at best she should only work a few hours a week in such a manner that she has enough money to buy ice cream on the weekend. Any other expectation is rather unrealistic. The OP is also unrealistic in expecting a full time student to contribute financially to his household. Living together with these assumptions is naive. This girl has no business living with a guy until she is done with school. In the meantime it is perfectly acceptable for her parents to pay her school tuition. That does not mean she is a leech, BTW: It is not uncommon for a spouse or partner to be a full time student in committed relationships. In this instance the working partner willingly makes the sacrifice to put her or his partner (or spouse) through school without whining about money. However, this can only occur in serious committed relationships. If there is no commitment and they are simply playing house this will not work. As a student, you work as much or as little as you need to in order to survive. That means a few hours a week or more. I certainly worked more than a few hours a week in school. That said, he can't make her responsible for meeting his standard of living. She should pay what she otherwise would pay elsewhere and he would need to pick up the tab for anything nicer. If she can't afford the fancy dinner, it is on you. Or you can opt to eat takeout and watch tv/a movie. Oh, I have a couple of friends who are putting spouses through school...they still whine . That said, buck up and pay.
SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 And this is why is not a good idea to play house in non-committed relationships. Everyday I see multiple examples as to why it is bizarre to pretend to be a couple in non-committed relationships. She is a full time student and at best she should only work a few hours a week in such a manner that she has enough money to buy ice cream on the weekend. Any other expectation is rather unrealistic. The OP is also unrealistic in expecting a full time student to contribute financially to his household. Living together with these assumptions is naive. This girl has no business living with a guy until she is done with school. In the meantime it is perfectly acceptable for her parents to pay her school tuition. That does not mean she is a leech, BTW: It is not uncommon for a spouse or partner to be a full time student in committed relationships. In this instance the working partner willingly makes the sacrifice to put her or his partner (or spouse) through school without whining about money. However, this can only occur in serious committed relationships. If there is no commitment and they are simply playing house this will not work. Even before I joined I have always agreed with Pierre. I don't see how she lied. She was working fulltime while a fulltime student and she was living paycheck to paycheck. So? Lots of people live paycheck to paycheck when they are young if they are even lucky enough to have a job. It appears that she is seriously working toward an education and a better life for herself. She is very smart to give up the low earning job for a short time while she gets an education that will most likely increase her earning potential. No, not unusual for parents to foot the education bill for a few years. Not unusual for a committed partner to support both until schooling is finished. If OP doesn't want to take on that role, then so be it. No reason to tear her character to smithereens just because he is making that choice.
Queen Zenobia Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I'll try to make a very long story short.... So sometime a little over a month ago my gf moved out of my apartment without telling me and moved into her friend's place a few blocks away. Anyway I guess there were several unresolved issues we had leading up to that point. I guess primarily for me, she wouldn't do anything chores in the house and I always had to clean up after her mess considering she's home more often than I am. And primarily for her, she had an issue with me in that she expected me to pay for her most/all the time when we would go out, and pay for her also if we went on vacation. Sometimes I would cover her when we would go out, but she expected it to be often. 1) Unresolved issues: resolve them. Preferably you should have some of this worked out before you moved in together but now what's done is done and you need to talk about these issues. 2) She moved out without telling you. That says something, and that something is not usually good. 3) Since she can't/won't pay for things, she should at least be willing to pick up around the house (at the very least after herself) I think that's a fair and equitable division of responsibilities. A few weeks ago I found out that she had lied to me about her finances when we discussed about it during our dating phase. All the time she gave me the impression that she was good with her money and good at saving (which is how I am), which is kind of the opposite really. She was bad with her finances and sometimes she would be broke in between pay checks w/o telling me. So for about a month we've been trying to work it out, I've been willing to make compromises in the relationship particularly helping her out financially. But truthfully I don't really sense that she is willing or ready to make any compromises on her part. In a nutshell I've always felt that she is a selfish person and doesn't respect me at times. This signals of difference in life values (i.e. the value of money). You like to be responsible (saving and the like) she doesn't. Are you willing to live with that? What kinds of things (beyond dates, vacations and dinners) is she asking you to pay for? Are you trying to make dates that are inexpensive but she prefers expensive dates? Is she open to skimping for a bit while she works on her money situation? Currently she's a full time night student, last week she quit her full-time day job because it was interfering with her schoolwork. At that time she also brought up the possibility of moving back in with me, and deciding to stay unemployed for at least a year. She threw that out there to see how I would react, but she said she's ok if she's just living with her friend and having her dad pay for her expenses. Honestly I feel it would be messed up both ways: She's allowing her hard working 50 something yr old dad pay for her expenses if she lives on her own. If she lives with me, she would expect me to pay for the rent, bills, groceries, dates, etc by myself...which basically is leeching off me, while choosing to be unemployed. While she said she's okay, I have a hunch would prefer to move back in and leech off me. Well I'll be honest. Working full time and going to school full time is difficult (extremely difficult). I was unable to hack it myself and could only work part time while in school full time. For part of that time I lived with my fiance, but I always pitched in around the house/for expenses. I would never have mooched off of him. So just food for thought there. I have been wondering for the longest time if she really wants to be with me for my money and I can provide for her financially or if she truly wants to be with me. Considering how she lied to me about her finances for over a year, her spending habits, inability to share household responsibilities, spoiled in that she expects people to take care of her - but doesn't know how to take care of others, on top of expecting me to be her bank, I just don't know if I should move on her stay with her. She practically has nothing to offer me and a lot of times I feel she treats her friends better than she treats me. What do you guys think about this situation? I have been debating about moving on. Given all of this, I do not see your relationship working out for the long haul. I think at the very least you two need to have a very frank discussion.
Lucky_One Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 And this is why is not a good idea to play house in non-committed relationships. Everyday I see multiple examples as to why it is bizarre to pretend to be a couple in non-committed relationships. She is a full time student and at best she should only work a few hours a week in such a manner that she has enough money to buy ice cream on the weekend. Any other expectation is rather unrealistic. The OP is also unrealistic in expecting a full time student to contribute financially to his household. Living together with these assumptions is naive. This girl has no business living with a guy until she is done with school. In the meantime it is perfectly acceptable for her parents to pay her school tuition. That does not mean she is a leech, BTW: It is not uncommon for a spouse or partner to be a full time student in committed relationships. In this instance the working partner willingly makes the sacrifice to put her or his partner (or spouse) through school without whining about money. However, this can only occur in serious committed relationships. If there is no commitment and they are simply playing house this will not work. This. Where I live, most parents DO pay for their children to attend college full-time, including all living expenses. This does not make them leeches.
Queen Zenobia Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 This. Where I live, most parents DO pay for their children to attend college full-time, including all living expenses. This does not make them leeches. That's very true. But, I've never met a child whose parents paid for their college tuition who also balked at doing household chores as OP's girlfriend is. That is being a bit selfish, no?
Lucky_One Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Selfish? Possibly. But being in school full-time and having to work full-time doesn't leave a lot of energy or desire to clean house or change sheets or scrub toilets. College students tend to want to do things that are more "fun". She may really have very limited time to do household chores. Personally, I still prefer to do fun activities than clean house. That is why I have a housekeeper, but I am older and I can afford it. If I couldn't afford it, then I would do some of the cleaning, but it would still be the necessary things instead of the extras that my mom does all the time (wiping down cabinet fronts, dusting baseboards, etc.) This girl may not have had to do household cleaning in her parent's home; I did not, beyond a few things. I never learned how to clean quickly and efficiently, although I am much better now in my 40's than I was in my early 20's as a student. I taught myself out of necessity, but it wasn't while I was still in college.
Queen Zenobia Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Selfish? Possibly. But being in school full-time and having to work full-time doesn't leave a lot of energy or desire to clean house or change sheets or scrub toilets. College students tend to want to do things that are more "fun". She may really have very limited time to do household chores. Personally, I still prefer to do fun activities than clean house. That is why I have a housekeeper, but I am older and I can afford it. If I couldn't afford it, then I would do some of the cleaning, but it would still be the necessary things instead of the extras that my mom does all the time (wiping down cabinet fronts, dusting baseboards, etc.) This girl may not have had to do household cleaning in her parent's home; I did not, beyond a few things. I never learned how to clean quickly and efficiently, although I am much better now in my 40's than I was in my early 20's as a student. I taught myself out of necessity, but it wasn't while I was still in college. I see what you're saying. I don't know much about the OP other than what he has provided in this thread so I have no idea how old this girl is nor how old he is. If she's still in her early 20s then I guess this could be a maturity issue but if she's older I think it might reflect some differences between her and OP. Beyond that though, it is rather odd for someone to expect to be able to live with a SO, not work at all (but go to school instead) and not pitch in for household chores. If she wants to put no effort at all into the relationship and the household she probably should not be dating and at the very least she should be living somewhere else.
SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 That's very true. But, I've never met a child whose parents paid for their college tuition who also balked at doing household chores as OP's girlfriend is. That is being a bit selfish, no? How does a person go to school fulltime, work fulltime AND find the time to clean up the apartment/house? I remember my college days and I worked parttime, went to school fulltime and made good grades and I let the dishes pile up, bed unmade and played catchup when I could.
Author monkey00 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Honestly, I'd say "no thanks". You're not even engaged, and she's expecting you to put her through school and not incur any debt to support herself? Do you really want to make these sacrifices, and have the relationship not work out? Knowing what I know now in life - and particularly because she lied to you - I wouldn't pay for her living expenses unless marriage was on the table. Either move on, or tell her she can live with her friend - it'd be her father's responsibility to talk to her, then. Toss the saved money in your 401(k). Technically she already has debt from her 4 year college degree that she's been trying to pay off. Originally when we were dating she only told me of the 1/4 of her true debt. Her reason for lying was she thought I would judge her and dump her. Maybe all of you are right and I shouldn't even bother with her considering just this alone. For her grad school she took on new loans to pay her tuition = more debt. Marriage probably is on the table in the future, or was. We did casually talk about it in the past. To be honest I don't think any of her friends or family know what's going on as they only heard her side of the story on us taking a break. woooahhh horsey! full time job plus full time night study? are you joking? she's not superwoman. maybe suggest she gets a part time job, say a weekend job or something, and see how that goes. i am studying right now and i did once try it while working full time and its just a recipe for disaster in my opinion. youve found more than one reason not to be with her in this post, and it sounds like youve already made your mind up to me you're just waiting to make the leap. only you can decide really. have a heart to heart with her and get it all out in the open. thats all i can say. I wholeheartedly agree that full-time job/full-time student is a bad idea. I did suggest a part-time /weekend job. But she got extremely upset and started an argument with me. Which is silly because I did part-time work when I was studying and we both know people who work part-time while studying. And this is why is not a good idea to play house in non-committed relationships. Everyday I see multiple examples as to why it is bizarre to pretend to be a couple in non-committed relationships. She is a full time student and at best she should only work a few hours a week in such a manner that she has enough money to buy ice cream on the weekend. Any other expectation is rather unrealistic. The OP is also unrealistic in expecting a full time student to contribute financially to his household. Living together with these assumptions is naive. This girl has no business living with a guy until she is done with school. In the meantime it is perfectly acceptable for her parents to pay her school tuition. That does not mean she is a leech, I agree with you. But it makes the idea of being a leech much worse when both her and her sister are doing the same thing to her dad, and both accepting unemployment instead of pulling through. Personally its beyond my standard and I would never put my working-class parents through that burden. BTW: It is not uncommon for a spouse or partner to be a full time student in committed relationships. In this instance the working partner willingly makes the sacrifice to put her or his partner (or spouse) through school without whining about money. However, this can only occur in serious committed relationships. If there is no commitment and they are simply playing house this will not work. I've seen spouses/partners do this too. So I suppose if we are in a fully-comitted relationship, then it would be my duty for me to pay for all the expenses? while the student chooses not to work? I think that's messed up. As a student, you work as much or as little as you need to in order to survive. That means a few hours a week or more. I certainly worked more than a few hours a week in school. That said, he can't make her responsible for meeting his standard of living. She should pay what she otherwise would pay elsewhere and he would need to pick up the tab for anything nicer. If she can't afford the fancy dinner, it is on you. Or you can opt to eat takeout and watch tv/a movie. Oh, I have a couple of friends who are putting spouses through school...they still whine . That said, buck up and pay. Well said, I can accept that. But I can't accept her living with me and being unemployed. 3) Since she can't/won't pay for things, she should at least be willing to pick up around the house (at the very least after herself) I think that's a fair and equitable division of responsibilities. Even when she was employed and not a student she payed less rent for me, understandable because she has debt and makes less than me. Even with that, she almost never picked up around the house. I have a feeling her dad spoiled her during the upbringing because he's too easy going and did/pay for everything for them. This signals of difference in life values (i.e. the value of money). You like to be responsible (saving and the like) she doesn't. Are you willing to live with that? We probably might have opposing values regarding money. I probably won't be able to live with that honestly. I told her if we got back together I would help her pay down her debt. But none of that matters now because she's unemployed and took on more debt. What kinds of things (beyond dates, vacations and dinners) is she asking you to pay for? Are you trying to make dates that are inexpensive but she prefers expensive dates? Is she open to skimping for a bit while she works on her money situation? She would probably want me to pay for our groceries often. The silly thing is I don't really eat what she buys and she doesn't eat what I buy, so why bother? I've always thought/planned free or inexpensive dates because she usually has difficulties paying for her share. I don't think she prefers expensive dates, but she would prefer splurging at nice brunch/restaurant places more often which tend to be more costly. She might be open to skimp, but we haven't talked that far. Well I'll be honest. Working full time and going to school full time is difficult (extremely difficult). I was unable to hack it myself and could only work part time while in school full time. For part of that time I lived with my fiance, but I always pitched in around the house/for expenses. I would never have mooched off of him. So just food for thought there. She has some equity like her 401k and school loans that can be used for expenses. I think she's been tapping into both so far included with her dad's money. Selfish? Possibly. But being in school full-time and having to work full-time doesn't leave a lot of energy or desire to clean house or change sheets or scrub toilets. College students tend to want to do things that are more "fun". She may really have very limited time to do household chores. That's true, about having the having fun part. But the fun part is too lame of an excuse to not doing chores. Personally, I still prefer to do fun activities than clean house. That is why I have a housekeeper, but I am older and I can afford it. If I couldn't afford it, then I would do some of the cleaning, but it would still be the necessary things instead of the extras that my mom does all the time (wiping down cabinet fronts, dusting baseboards, etc.) I think the most shocking thing I've heard a few times already come out of her mouth is paying a house cleaner/keeper to come clean the place. And I ask with what money? For someone who is either broke or in debt, it's just messed up to say that. If you have real money to spend, then I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I see what you're saying. I don't know much about the OP other than what he has provided in this thread so I have no idea how old this girl is nor how old he is. If she's still in her early 20s then I guess this could be a maturity issue but if she's older I think it might reflect some differences between her and OP. Beyond that though, it is rather odd for someone to expect to be able to live with a SO, not work at all (but go to school instead) and not pitch in for household chores. If she wants to put no effort at all into the relationship and the household she probably should not be dating and at the very least she should be living somewhere else. We're both in our late 20's. I'm not sure if it's a maturity issue. But to her, chores are not a priority. I can understand that, but it's disrespectful if a) you pay less rent b) don't pay any rent c) especially if you are unemployed and have lots of free time. We talked a bit about it over the weekend. If she did move back in she would probably buy her own groceries and clean up after herself, which is what she said. She might as well clean up after me too since she's almost living scott-free, but there was no mention of it. She's probably never going to change. Thanks for the advice. I know I left out a lot from this OP to make a long story short. There are good qualities about her too that make us compatible but I feel the bad (especially our values) heavily outweigh the good. But this and many other things show how incompatible we can be. I think it would be right given this to move on. I feel like our whole relationship was built on a lie because she was never herself and behaved to accommodate my views so I would be happy. Now her true self is shining, and we have more disagreements than ever compared to the past.
Pierre Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Op, you are very concerned with money. You keep pointing out she does not pay enough. She has no money!!!!
veggirl Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Late 20s is too old to still be having mom/dad support you. I've never known a college student who DIDN'T work at LEAST part-time. I knew plenty who worked full-time or close to it (I did) and managed. Some of you are acting like this grown woman is a helpless child. She can and should prioritize. Come on, not even working part-time? Lazy. Edited October 19, 2011 by veggirl grammar
Ilovewater Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Honestly, you guys are just not financially compatible. Unless she changes dramatically, you know it's not going to work out in the long run. You guys are just on opposites of the spectrum when it comes to financial responsibilities.... This is a major relationship problem that will not be easily fixed. So, if you don't think you can handle her like that for the rest of your life, get out now. And honestly, a late-20 something woman who's still being taken care of by daddy is a little worrisome. TONS of people have balanced work, school, and life. She can do it, too, but she just doesn't want to because she knows you or her dad will always be there to help her out. It's completely possible to juggle a (part-time) job and full-time school. Hell, I was able to work 2 jobs (25 hrs/week for each job) while going to school full-time and doing volunteer work!
Queen Zenobia Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 How does a person go to school fulltime, work fulltime AND find the time to clean up the apartment/house? I remember my college days and I worked parttime, went to school fulltime and made good grades and I let the dishes pile up, bed unmade and played catchup when I could. OP said she quit her full time job. She's now unemployed. Op, you are very concerned with money. You keep pointing out she does not pay enough. She has no money!!!! She has no money and yet wants him to hire a housekeeper...where's that money going to come from? She also does no chores. Seems like a very odd arrangement to me.
sugarmomma Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I hear leach or freeloader, but not golddigger. I guess that all depends on how much money you make. If you made decent money you wouldn't be concerned with paying for food. Sounds really petty to me.
coolheadal Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Do you love this girl? As yourself this question. Everyone here going to say what they think is best for you. I would come home and tell her hey " I just lost all my money in an investment deal that had gone bad" We're going to have to tighten the funds available now! Cut back too.. See how she takes it and then you know who your dealing with. Keep control of your money and just watch how she plays her hand. Your in a tight spot with her. Seems you care about her to share the info you have told us. Good Luck!
RiverRunning Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I could see if she just wanted to work part-time while she goes to school. Full-time work and school is a LOT of pressure. But full-time school, if it's just an undergrad...usually is not that complex. It doesn't require THAT much free time. I would never imagine moving in with a guy and not setting expectations. Before I moved in with my boyfriend, I told him that we needed to work out who would do what around the house and who would be responsible for which bills. He pays most of the bills and I do all of the housework. My job right now pays enough money to pay off my own debts and my own bills - but I do my best to take him out on dates or to buy groceries for us. I'm not a dead weight. You're right. She is a gold digger. The fact that she just so gently tells you all of this indicates that to me. When you love someone, you want to work to help out if and where you can. There was a brief period after I moved in when my job had dried up (freelance) and I felt so depressed and guilty because I wasn't contributing anything financially. I couldn't imagine so casually just saying, "Yup! Pay for all of my expenses!" It's time to move on from this one. She's looking for someone, anyone, to support her. Don't let the fool be you.
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