lawdog1980 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 My wife of 5 years left me 3 weeks ago to move home to Texas from North Carolina. She said she needed a break and she needed to sort things out. She left with my 2 children as well. To top it all off I am in Afghanistan until January. So technically we are already separated, but now she wont answer my calls, any emails I send just get a short response. I want to talk to her, this is the longest we have gone with NC. I miss her madly and I want to take back any wrongs I have done. I am so depressed right now, it is a daily fight just to get up and go to work. What do I do?
TheDovic Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 As tough as it sounds dude, it seems as though right now she just needs space. This might change after a while, because she must have some feelings for you being married for 5 years. Her emotions will be changing all the time dude because she was with you for so long, so don't kid yourself she's 100% over you OR even 100% sure she's doing the right thing. By going NC she could be trying to protect herself and justify she's doing the right thing. This might change in time, so the best thing for you is to respect her decision and not keep pestering her. Maybe even write an email saying that you don't want this but respect her decision so will leave her alone for a while. I promise you this though dude, if you become overbearing, needy or desperate it will push her away so as tough as this is, it necessary. You can do it though dude, man up! In terms of healing, talk to your friends and post on this forum. There's great support here and people are willing to listen any time of the day.
Author lawdog1980 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 I am trying to hang on and not pester her, but it's tough. I am in Afghanistan and she has my kids. My son's birthday is next week and I really want to call. I also understand that she has got into a rut and is trying to figure things out. We have both changed over the past 5 years, I have been deployed for the majority of 4 years of our marriage.
TheDovic Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I am trying to hang on and not pester her, but it's tough. I am in Afghanistan and she has my kids. My son's birthday is next week and I really want to call. I also understand that she has got into a rut and is trying to figure things out. We have both changed over the past 5 years, I have been deployed for the majority of 4 years of our marriage. Well you should definitely call for your son's birthday dude. Can I ask how long you're due to be home when you come back in January? As you're aware the main problem here could be you being away so much. Is there any chance you'll be back in the states for a prolonged period of time? If so then maybe you've a chance at putting this right. It must be very tough for you both being apart so often, maybe she doesn't even feel like she's in a relationship! But knowing the problem in a breakup is half the battle as now you know what you have to do.
Milocat Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I am trying to hang on and not pester her, but it's tough. I am in Afghanistan and she has my kids. My son's birthday is next week and I really want to call. I also understand that she has got into a rut and is trying to figure things out. We have both changed over the past 5 years, I have been deployed for the majority of 4 years of our marriage. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I don't have any advice but I want you to know you're not alone. Except I'm in the opposite shoes. My ex/FI/BF or whatever we are now and I recently met in Thailand on his leave. During that time he was cold and distant and we fought a lot and since he returned to the Stan and I home, he barely contacts me at all. He as told me the wedding is off and he is not sure he even wants to date me anymore. I found him on two internet dating sites and they show that he has been a member since before Thailand and infact has been a member since just after deploying in the Summer. He was loving and amazing to me up until leaving and then for the first 6 weeks. SInce then he grew cold and angry with me. We fought all the time. It's tough I'm here, keeping down the fort, taking care of his house, the finances, his dog, etc. I have no idea where I stand. When asked he says that there is no longer a flame but just a spark with us. That he says he can't determine if he wants to be with me until he returns (3 more loooong months) so I sit in limbo, acting like his fiance, but being treated with no kindness and no affection. I can't move on as I don't even know if I'm single. Just wanted you to know I feel for you Hope things get better for you
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