firsttyme32 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Hello Everyone, It has been 2 1/2 months since my husband left me and our 2 kids plus a mortgage and it has been 4 month since the day he told me he was leaving. I still love my husband and want him to come back. What should I do? I have gone to MC, but my husband will not attend. He still come around sometimes and we talk on the phone everyday. We just celebrated both kids birthdays, one in September and the other just this month. Although he does not give me false hope about coming back he does make little comments. Such as, it is lonley at his apartment, he don't have his family, being at his apartment sucks, why did he put himself in this situation. He has apologized to us for what he is putting us through. I really don't know what he is thinking. he did tell me that he wanted to have everthing finalized by the end of the year. This was before he started telling me all of the things above. Everytime I speak to him or see him he don't sound or look happy. Am I wrong. Everytime I talk to him it is the same thing how he is lonly. Again please tell me what should I be doing. I want my marriage. My husband said he left because he did not feel like I appreciate him and lack of being intimate. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I just wish he could have seen that . I am not sure if he has met someone. I don't know. He has had EA before during our marriage. I have never cheated on my husband, but have made mistakes such as, not really showing my love for my husband or I could have been a little more itimate with my husband. I could have communicated more with my husband and not lost that connection. The seperation has caused problems between he and our 12 year old daughter. This hurts be deeply because they use to be so close. She was daddy's little girl. When we talk now all the reasons he gave me for leaving like, I only wanted him for his money, I did not love or appreciate him, I only wanted him to pay bills, We did not have enough intimancy. Now he is saying I know you love me. I know you did not just want me for my money, but you did not appreciate me. He said I never gave him enough credit. He said I always said things like our money. ( I work and my husband work..his income was more than mine but we both brought money into the household and it went into the same account...so techinally it was our money..so I thought.) He said I would fuss about paying bills, but he is now paying bills at his apartment. I knew we had problems, but I did not think they were enough to leave...problems we could not work through with time. I have been praying for our marriage to be healed and restored. I am still waiting. What are your thoughts LS.
robf1971 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Hello Everyone, It has been 2 1/2 months since my husband left me and our 2 kids plus a mortgage and it has been 4 month since the day he told me he was leaving. I still love my husband and want him to come back. What should I do? I have gone to MC, but my husband will not attend. He still come around sometimes and we talk on the phone everyday. We just celebrated both kids birthdays, one in September and the other just this month. Although he does not give me false hope about coming back he does make little comments. Such as, it is lonley at his apartment, he don't have his family, being at his apartment sucks, why did he put himself in this situation. He has apologized to us for what he is putting us through. I really don't know what he is thinking. he did tell me that he wanted to have everthing finalized by the end of the year. This was before he started telling me all of the things above. Everytime I speak to him or see him he don't sound or look happy. Am I wrong. Everytime I talk to him it is the same thing how he is lonly. Again please tell me what should I be doing. I want my marriage. My husband said he left because he did not feel like I appreciate him and lack of being intimate. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I just wish he could have seen that . I am not sure if he has met someone. I don't know. He has had EA before during our marriage. I have never cheated on my husband, but have made mistakes such as, not really showing my love for my husband or I could have been a little more itimate with my husband. I could have communicated more with my husband and not lost that connection. The seperation has caused problems between he and our 12 year old daughter. This hurts be deeply because they use to be so close. She was daddy's little girl. When we talk now all the reasons he gave me for leaving like, I only wanted him for his money, I did not love or appreciate him, I only wanted him to pay bills, We did not have enough intimancy. Now he is saying I know you love me. I know you did not just want me for my money, but you did not appreciate me. He said I never gave him enough credit. He said I always said things like our money. ( I work and my husband work..his income was more than mine but we both brought money into the household and it went into the same account...so techinally it was our money..so I thought.) He said I would fuss about paying bills, but he is now paying bills at his apartment. I knew we had problems, but I did not think they were enough to leave...problems we could not work through with time. I have been praying for our marriage to be healed and restored. I am still waiting. What are your thoughts LS. He's cheating!! and cake eating to boot, stop allowing him to visit you, set up a legal custody agreement so the kids can stay there half the time. Lawyer up.
worlybear Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Sorry-have to agree with the previous poster-all his actions and remarks scream that he is cheating. Turn up at his flat but do not be surprised if he is not actually living there.... and ,more importantly LAWYER UP!!! :bunny:
Author firsttyme32 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Well you guys were right. There is another woman. My husband decided to introduce our 4 year old to his OW yesterday. They went out for dinner. I am angry right now. I know I need to confront him, but do I confront the OW also? We have been seperated for 2 1/2 months..Do you think this affair has been going on for awhile. Did I tell you that the OW is going through a divorce right now. LS what next.
2sure Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Do not wait for him to begin the divorce process because he probably wont. He is fine with things just the way they are. He knows you are/will wait for him to be done with this one way or the other. He just likes having the options. Take the options away, make him face reality, and decide what he wants to do. You are giving him way to much control over you and he is behaving like an idiot. He cannot be in charge right now. Go to a lawyer. Your husband needs to be paying you a regular amount of child support. Not what he decides to throw you, but what the court determines he needs to pay. Show him you are quite willing to go with his choice but that it needs to happen now, not when he decides he is done. He'll probably come back. Hopefully by then you wont want him.
Author firsttyme32 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I contacted a lawyer this morning. I am scheduled to meet with the lawyer next week. This was a hard decision. My family has been torn and I am not sure if he cares or not. This is really effecting myself and the kids. I am trying to be strong. I have been and still is praying. I have not been able to talk to him yet about yesterday, but I will. How do I confront him? Does anyone ever say anything to the OW. She knows he is married. It does not matter what problems we are having he is still married. I would like to confront her also. Is this wise?
2sure Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I personally find it my duty to myself to tell others who have affected my life positively or negatively...thank you or Get the F out. But thats me. Thing is, right now, the last thing you and your kids need to be a part of is drama, confrontation, and the possibility of anything escalating. Which often happens.
cyabye Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I contacted a lawyer this morning. I am scheduled to meet with the lawyer next week. This was a hard decision. My family has been torn and I am not sure if he cares or not. This is really effecting myself and the kids. I am trying to be strong. I have been and still is praying. I have not been able to talk to him yet about yesterday, but I will. How do I confront him? Does anyone ever say anything to the OW. She knows he is married. It does not matter what problems we are having he is still married. I would like to confront her also. Is this wise? I would not confront him or her yet. I would seek the advice of the attorney first to see what kind of divorce you should file (adultery, abandonment, no fault etc). I don't know where you live or what laws apply there for divorce. Now that you know about his affair, I'm 99.9% sure it's been going on for awhile which is why he left. People normaly do not just up and leave (unless there is abuse) without having someone waiting for them. Do not let him blame you for this. He is 100% responsible for his cheating. Go NO contact now. You have the kids. If he wants to talk or see them, let him initiate and only talk about the kids. Do what you need to do to protect you and the kids financially. You need to get a steady child support payment coming in which will be addressed by the court. Keep going to counseling to move forward. During this time, you need to use the brain and ignore the emotions. It's hard, I know. Even for a man, it was hard for me but a necessity to keep some of your self worth and respect. Refuse to be a doormat any longer. Take back your power. This man does NOT love you. If he did, he would not of left you nor had the affair. PERIOD. I hope this helps. cya
Author firsttyme32 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I understand what you are saying about the OW, but I still would like to talk to him. I just want to tell him how disrespectful is was for him to take our son around her. We are still married. My son ask him all the time when is he coming back home. I is ready for his dad to start sleeping at our house again. My son always tell me that this is his dads house too..so why is he not sleeping here. Just 2 days ago he asked him to come back home. And now my husband is introducing him to another woman. I asked my husband about the woman before and he denied her. Maybe he will see what is going on. Maybe he will see what he is doing is wrong. Maybe he will see the pain he is causing our family. Maybe.....
cyabye Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I understand what you are saying about the OW, but I still would like to talk to him. I just want to tell him how disrespectful is was for him to take our son around her. We are still married. My son ask him all the time when is he coming back home. I is ready for his dad to start sleeping at our house again. My son always tell me that this is his dads house too..so why is he not sleeping here. Just 2 days ago he asked him to come back home. And now my husband is introducing him to another woman. I asked my husband about the woman before and he denied her. Maybe he will see what is going on. Maybe he will see what he is doing is wrong. Maybe he will see the pain he is causing our family. Maybe..... I am going to be blunt because you need to hear this to SNAP out the what if's and maybe's. HE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON! He KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING! HE WANTS TO DO THIS! and guess what? HE DOES NOT CARE IF IT HURTS YOU OR WHAT IT IS DOING TO YOUR SON! why? BECAUSE HE IS SELFISH AND ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF! once you realize this and accept it for what it is you will start to heal and move on. It takes time. I've been in your shoes. It hurts. I know. But you have to start thinking about you and your son now. cya
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