whenitsmyturn Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I don't know whether I am still in a relationship or not...I tried breaking up with my boyfriend...but he doesn't take me seriously, he just brushes it off...he claims that he is fed up with my break up stunts but that there is something stronger that keeps up together... He tells me that I need to trust him but I can't because of some much history of him being unfaithful....right now he acts like everything is ok...he is very controlling and manipulative of the situations....he doesn' like to be put in the corner....when I asked him what was gonna happen with us he wouldn't answer me...ughh I am so frustrated, I don't know in the past the only time we were able to stay NC for like three months, was because he broke up with me...when he ends the relationship is final...but when I try he just won't accept it...and I don't know how to just say enough Im done and walk away....I NEED HELP!!! advice please...
Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I don't know whether I am still in a relationship or not...I tried breaking up with my boyfriend...but he doesn't take me seriously, he just brushes it off...he claims that he is fed up with my break up stunts but that there is something stronger that keeps up together... He tells me that I need to trust him but I can't because of some much history of him being unfaithful....right now he acts like everything is ok...he is very controlling and manipulative of the situations....he doesn' like to be put in the corner....when I asked him what was gonna happen with us he wouldn't answer me...ughh I am so frustrated, I don't know in the past the only time we were able to stay NC for like three months, was because he broke up with me...when he ends the relationship is final...but when I try he just won't accept it...and I don't know how to just say enough Im done and walk away....I NEED HELP!!! advice please... Hey, I would just be totally upfront about breaking up with him, explain your reasons behind why you're ending it with him and tell him you are serious. If he still acts the way he is, just tell him if he doesn't want to listen and understand your reasoning, that's his problem to deal with. Lock off all communication with him inc calls, texts, emails, IM's, social networking etc. Change your number if you have to. Show him you are serious about your decision and sooner or later he will have to accept it in his own way and time.
HappyFlower Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 when he ends the relationship is final...but when I try he just won't accept it...and I don't know how to just say enough Im done and walk away....I NEED HELP!!! advice please... Was he unfaithful to you? You said in the past, but with you specifically? You need to take your stuff and leave, and then cut all contact if he's not going to listen to reason. Does he have that much control over you that HE dictates when YOU want to end the relationship? If you're serious about ending it and he doesn't want to accept it, thats his problem not yours. Lots of us don't want our partner to dump us, and while we may be sad and cry and not agree with the breakup, we don't force the other person into staying 'just because'. I think he's being pretty disrespectful to you...
KathyM Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I don't know whether I am still in a relationship or not...I tried breaking up with my boyfriend...but he doesn't take me seriously, he just brushes it off...he claims that he is fed up with my break up stunts but that there is something stronger that keeps up together... He tells me that I need to trust him but I can't because of some much history of him being unfaithful....right now he acts like everything is ok...he is very controlling and manipulative of the situations....he doesn' like to be put in the corner....when I asked him what was gonna happen with us he wouldn't answer me...ughh I am so frustrated, I don't know in the past the only time we were able to stay NC for like three months, was because he broke up with me...when he ends the relationship is final...but when I try he just won't accept it...and I don't know how to just say enough Im done and walk away....I NEED HELP!!! advice please... A relationship can't exist if both people don't cooperate in it. He can't force a relationship on you if you don't want it. Don't answer his calls. Don't answer the door. Don't respond to his Emails. You've broken it off, and he needs to accept that. If you're going to be wishy washy, and take him back some of the time, he will never take you seriously when you say it is over, and he'll keep bugging you until you do take him back. Stop giving him mixed messages and giving him the idea that you are on the fence about this. You have to go strictly NC and keep it that way, so he knows you won't be talked into taking him back. You said he cheated on you. Time to expect better behavior from a bf, and dump this guy permanently. He doesn't deserve you.
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 thank you for writing back...I have tried most of the below actions except changing my number....but he always finds me....last time he emailed me to my new job, how did he get access to my new job info is beyond me...and he caught me of guard, that I replied back....and that was just the wrong thing to do...right now, i feel like the only way the get him out of my life is if he breaks up with me...which I know it sounds weird but that's the only way I will be able to move on...idk...Im confused.
KathyM Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 thank you for writing back...I have tried most of the below actions except changing my number....but he always finds me....last time he emailed me to my new job, how did he get access to my new job info is beyond me...and he caught me of guard, that I replied back....and that was just the wrong thing to do...right now, i feel like the only way the get him out of my life is if he breaks up with me...which I know it sounds weird but that's the only way I will be able to move on...idk...Im confused. You need to take the power back and not rely on him making the decision for your relationship. You have the right to decide for yourself what you want in a relationship and who you want to be with. Don't put it on him. You decide what you want. And I would suggest you not settle for a man who will cheat on you. That's the epitome of disrespect and selfishness on his part. You deserve to be treated well, and there are men out there who will treat you well if you give them the chance. Don't waste any more of your time with cheating losers.
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Yes, I have received emails from women telling me he has cheated on me, his ex girlfriend came looking for him at a family event and he left with her....and we have broken up because of this, but always end up getting back together...I know he is being disrespectful, and I have told him to his face, my problem is I don't know how to let go I know Im hurting myself but I don't know what it is that I can't seem to let go I know I deserve better than him, that's why Im writing because I don't know how to deal with this situation....its making me ill as well...I need serious help, I can't go to therapy either, I just started a new job and I don't have insurance....sorry I am just venting over here...
KathyM Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Yes, I have received emails from women telling me he has cheated on me, his ex girlfriend came looking for him at a family event and he left with her....and we have broken up because of this, but always end up getting back together...I know he is being disrespectful, and I have told him to his face, my problem is I don't know how to let go I know Im hurting myself but I don't know what it is that I can't seem to let go I know I deserve better than him, that's why Im writing because I don't know how to deal with this situation....its making me ill as well...I need serious help, I can't go to therapy either, I just started a new job and I don't have insurance....sorry I am just venting over here... Why do you think you are so unwilling to let go? Fear of the unknown? Fear that you won't find somebody else? Fear of change? Fear of being alone? You have to want more for yourself and value yourself more than putting up with a cheater who doesn't respect you. The sooner you give up the bad bf, the sooner you will find a good one. I have to run now (I have homework due for class tonight), but I hope you will start to value yourself and realize that you deserve better, and not settle for being cheated on, and not settle for someone who doesn't value you enough. Don't take his calls, his visits or his Emails. Work on improving your life and valuing yourself, and not settling for someone who is bad for you.
M2155 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Please let the guy go. It's pretty easy to find someone these days so it's on you NOT TO RESPOND. He doesn't have to take you seriously since you keep falling for his contact and he sounds a little controlling (since you're letting him). You know you need to let him go, if you don't one day he's going to surprise you and you'll end up being on here even more hurt even though you know it's for the best.
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 thank you all for the responses...I know what I have to do, and I will do it! I just need to be strong, I will keep coming back here, because I know I will need the support to over come this situation.
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 thank you all for the responses...I know what I have to do, and I will do it! I just need to be strong, I will keep coming back here, because I know I will need the support to over come this situation. So, I have taken a stand in my life....I have initiated no contact, and have blocked him from my email, phone, and social networks....Hopefully he gets the hint that I don't want to be with him any more. I know this is the best thing for me since he told me that he won't stop contacting women he had in the past and basically I had to deal with it....I will be coming here more often especially when I will be feeling bad....please any input would be nice.
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 I'm back!!! now he is harrasing me at work, by calling and hanging up...i don't know what Im going to do....
M2155 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I'm back!!! now he is harrasing me at work, by calling and hanging up...i don't know what Im going to do.... Can you have your calls screened or someone of authority tell him to stop calling you there? That's harassment. This dude is crazy.
Kageytn Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Could you tell HR the situation and have a way for your calls to be screened? Also, you might want an escort to walk you to your car and back for awhile. I was in a situation where I felt I couldn't break up with my guy also. He broke up with me in July. It's been good. Painful but good. I'm like a butterfly set free from a display case. Mire energetic, more connected to my kids, losing weight and starting grad school. His manipulation and controlling behavior blocked me. Therapy, reading about emotionally unavailable and controlling men and toxic relationships really helped. Also baggage reclaim blog is invaluable! You will do awesome!
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thank you for your responses...Eventually I had to speak to him...but he said he just wanted to say goodbye, and that he wasn't going to fight me on the break up anymore. He told me that he didn't want to lose me from his life, and that if I ever needed anything I knew where to find him, and that he wasn't going to call anymore, since I had blocked him....he wasn't going to gamble....well of course I got emotional, but I told him that I wasn't going to call him...and basically I couldn't handle his lifestyle, and that I guess that was it...we said our goodbyes and we hung up....So far the weekend was good, even though I was home alone, I didn't feel the urge to contact him....I guess... I just have to take it one day at a time... and know that I am going to be ok....
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