SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO ???? confused !!!HELP!!!!!!

[StrawberryBlonde]

My boyfriend and i have been Dating for just about two years now . I love him and he says he loves me and couldnt live without me . when we first met , he gave me diamond(i think) ring in a "mock proposal". the ring was too big for me , so he took it back to get it resized. The problem is , two years later , im still waiting for him to give it back . He gets very shady when i ask him about it .

 

Since we're both very busy grad students , we only see each other once a week, and it gets harder and harder for me. He , even though he says he misses, doesnt seem to be that bothered by this situation. He shows no interest in changing this situation and making me more than a date he sees when he needs a break or a good time.

 

If he loves me like he says he does(youre my soulmate, you are beautiful,youre my life) would'nt he want to take this relationship to the next level?

 

THis uncertainty is very distressing and unsettling.He gets upset and i get upset every time this gets brougt up . Ive even thought of breaking up with him because this situation is so hard for me . Im hesitant though, because i really love him and don't think i could open up or find anyone i connect with so well.

 

Im so sick of being dangled and confused. what should i do ??? please help with some advice or thoughts.

[bluechocolate]

You've been dating for 2 years so clearly there has to be some sort of committment going on there on both of your parts.

 

As you say, you are both busy grad students so what it is that you want to change? Do you want to make more time to spend with each other? Do you want to move in together? Are you looking for a committment to marriage?

 

2 years is certainly a lot of time to ivnest with someone, especially if you're feeling that your relationship is going nowhere. But you have to be very clear to him what you mean by "the next level". It sounds rather vague to me so I would guess it may sound rather vague to him as well. You cannot be hesitant however. What if you push him on the subject & he comes back with something like, "I just thought we'd have a good time together during school & then we would go our separate ways."? If you are going to ask for "the next level", and you have every right to do so, then you have to be prepared to lose him.

[SoleMate]

I'm in favor of just asking for what you want. "Darling, I love you so much and I would love to start planning our wedding. Can we set a date? Is my ring almost done? I'd love if you took me out to dinner next weekend and gave me my ring and asked me to marry you. I am dreaming of how I will make you happy when we are at last truly joined as one."

 

But come to think of it, you two aren't ready to agree to marry when you aren't even talking about important issues effectively. What is holding you back? You have every right to ask your "soulmate" when he is going to make your heart sing by marrying you - or "taking it to the next level" - whatever that means.

 

I also notice that you appear to be relying too heavily on his words. It's real cheap and easy for him to say "I love you, you are my life." It would require more effort and skill for him to learn what your emotional needs are and start meeting them effectively. I recommend that the two of you do your best to agree to discuss this issue without getting "upset". You're adults and you CAN do it. And if there is some discomfort, keep on working on trying to communicate. If you ultimately can't muster the desire to learn to communicate (both of you), then you may want to rethink being together.