Would you color your hair darker if you knew your bf's preference are brunettes?

October 19, 2011

If I knew a man had a 'type' that wasn't me... I'd move on... especially if he had the poor taste of letting me know what that type was.

Hey... I'm all for some variety. Wigs... different hair colors. Whatever. That can add a little 'spice'... nothing wrong with that!

But if his 'fetish' involves something that involves too much work on my part or being something I'm not on a regular basis... well, it just feels like there is no authenticity.

Can't imaging feeling very intimate in that case.

she said he didn't way it out right. She "thinks" he has a type. Either way, i don't see any harm in her trying something new not just for him, but for herself. she may like and and she said it would be less expensive to maintain.

October 19, 2011

Bleaching will destroy your hair. I can always tell when a woman has been bleaching her hair for years because it's so fried, it looks like straw. Yes, her platinum hair makes her stand out, but not in a good way.

Everyone looks better with their natural hair color. Nature doesn't make mistakes. I don't think you should change your hair to match your boyfriend's preference, but you do need to consider the fact that your hair will start falling out soon if you keep bleaching it. That, and no one looks good with platinum hair. Sounds like you're just doing it for the shock value.

October 19, 2011

Go right ahead and color our hair. Make sure you use water base though. There is Wen Fig out there for that type of..

October 19, 2011

In general I would not recommend "changing" for a man.

The twist here is that the change would be more natural for you. In that situation, it would be too tempting for me not to let my hair go. If it's less work for me and he likes it more, everyone wins, right?

But you're concerned that you will look less attractive. Perusing your facebook, I do like the blonde more than the light brown, but IMO, you would look really hot with dark red or black hair.

October 19, 2011

been there, done that.

do not change anything about yourself for him.

you'll come to resent him for it.

October 19, 2011

compare the two looks

Here's Emma Stone with a fairly natural look but still wearing some makeup since she's in a movie:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_viu77GQNe0...emmastone7.jpg

She looks beautiful here. Minimalist makeup, which is just enough to cover imperfections and enhance her features.

Here she is with more obvious makeup and a less natural look:
http://alipstickeffect.files.wordpre...-stone_red.jpg
http://fabulousbuzz.com/wp-content/u...one-blonde.jpg

Holy crap! Is it Halloween on the red carpet?!

You really find the first photo more attractive??

The first photo is the only one that looks good. I literally cringed when I saw the other two. And I'm a woman. I know how to strike a balance between the "I just woke up" look and the "painted whore" look.

October 19, 2011

I guess the crux of the problem is this:

I am insecure knowing that I am not that close to his physical ideal. We had many bitter fights, especially during the time we were broken up. He claimed that it wasn't love or even strong lust at the first sight with me. That he saw potential and he found me attractive enough to want to get to know me. Then he fell in love with me based on my personality rather than looks. During the fight, he told me that there were girls with whom he felt much stronger physical attraction on first sight in the past. I knew that there is lot of truth in those words

When asked straight out, he claims that he doesn't have a type. Yet, now that we didn't have sex since Sunday, and low frequency of sex in general makes me even more insecure. There is this little pang of sadness that won't go away. That pang says: "If he was with a girl who was more his physical type, he would have sex with her twice a day".

He claims to love me a lot, more than he has ever loved anyone, deeper than he ever felt for anyone. He does lots of things to make my life easier: cooks and cleans more than me, massages my feet after work, gives me his jacket even when it's a little bit cold etc etc He is infinitely patient and forgiving in our fights.

I am not sure how realistic my fear is. I talked to him about it and he just repeats himself, saying that he would rather be with his personality ideal than his physical ideal and that in the perfect world sure, you would have both but he doesn't think it's really possible and he has never had it before. That he can't love anyone more than he loves me.

Sigh.

October 19, 2011

Damn, it's amazing how insecure some women are.

If they were a man instead, they'd be single their whole lives.

BTW: I'm talking about several women on this forum.

Edited October 19, 2011 by somedude81

October 19, 2011

I guess the crux of the problem is this:

I am insecure knowing that I am not that close to his physical ideal. We had many bitter fights, especially during the time we were broken up. He claimed that it wasn't love or even strong lust at the first sight with me. That he saw potential and he found me attractive enough to want to get to know me. Then he fell in love with me based on my personality rather than looks. During the fight, he told me that there were girls with whom he felt much stronger physical attraction on first sight in the past. I knew that there is lot of truth in those words

When asked straight out, he claims that he doesn't have a type. Yet, now that we didn't have sex since Sunday, and low frequency of sex in general makes me even more insecure. There is this little pang of sadness that won't go away. That pang says: "If he was with a girl who was more his physical type, he would have sex with her twice a day".

He claims to love me a lot, more than he has ever loved anyone, deeper than he ever felt for anyone. He does lots of things to make my life easier: cooks and cleans more than me, massages my feet after work, gives me his jacket even when it's a little bit cold etc etc He is infinitely patient and forgiving in our fights.

I am not sure how realistic my fear is. I talked to him about it and he just repeats himself, saying that he would rather be with his personality ideal than his physical ideal and that in the perfect world sure, you would have both but he doesn't think it's really possible and he has never had it before. That he can't love anyone more than he loves me.

Sigh.

Maybe NOW would be a great time for you to learn that love based on all kinds of other things besides looks is longer lasting than looks are. Everyone ages and you damn well better be with a man who loves you for who you are, or you are going to be miserable when you start to see the changes in the mirror.

He's doing everything he can to reassure you that he loves you. That should be enough. Stop making up reasons to be anxious.

As for the sex, you don't know that he'd be having sex twice a day with anyone else. Maybe he's a once every couple of days sex kind of person. Or maybe he has work stress or whatever and he's not feeling up to it, especially if he has to reassure you so much every time he sees you so he's avoiding you and sex.

You are making yourself unhappy. Stop thinking like that.

October 19, 2011

Her eyes have more definition and pop more.

I know, it's scary! And that bright red lipstick. Hurts to look at it.

In the first photo she looks somewhat plain to me. Pretty but I wouldn't pick her out of a crowd.

I guess that's the question: Would a woman rather look good or stand out? Dyed hair and bright makeup will get you noticed, but so will a clown costume. Unless you're using your hair and face to direct traffic at night, I see no reason to go for a look that screams FAKE.

The OP is having a weird dilemma. She's worried that she doesn't fit her boyfriend's ideal, but her natural self is her boyfriend's ideal. Her fake self is the one that her boyfriend doesn't like.

I am insecure knowing that I am not that close to his physical ideal.

But you are close to his physical ideal. You just cover it up with bleached hair. He's telling you that the real you looks better than the fake you. How can you be insecure about that?

October 19, 2011

"If he was with a girl who was more his physical type, he would have sex with her twice a day".

I think you are mixing two things.

The white blond hair is like wearing very high heels..it gets you noticed, maybe turn heads, but is a lot of work.

Maybe it'll be simpler and easier on the hair to wear a color closer to your natural color.

But I don't think he'll have more sex regardless. I think the closer he feels to you, the more attracted he'll be anyway.

October 19, 2011

Norajane, that's exactly what he said.

He is annoyed that I repeat over this attraction issue all the time. He told me that he can't beleive that I would rather he fell in love with my blond hair and big boobs than who I am inside

He actually went through Facebook and showed me pictures of every crush he ever had since primary school. Few had blond hair (just to re-assure me).

He can't beleive that I can't just accept that he loves me and am constantly doubting everything.

October 19, 2011

I am insecure knowing that I am not that close to his physical ideal.

He claimed that it wasn't love or even strong lust at the first sight with me.

he told me that there were girls with whom he felt much stronger physical attraction on first sight in the past.

I talked to him about it and he just repeats himself, saying that he would rather be with his personality ideal than his physical ideal and that in the perfect world sure, you would have both but he doesn't think it's really possible and he has never had it before.

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

October 19, 2011

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Please expand.

October 19, 2011

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

No kidding.

I'll expand: I think he was saying that to hurt you and for that he's a jerk.

Edited October 19, 2011 by Citizen Erased

October 19, 2011

I do have a reason to be insecure?

Keep in mind that those things were said during major fights, not just out of the blue (but am pretty sure are true nonetheless).

I am unable to tell anymore how significant they are.

October 19, 2011

I do have a reason to be insecure?

Keep in mind that those things were said during major fights, not just out of the blue (but am pretty sure are true nonetheless).

I am unable to tell anymore how significant they are.

I can't tell you if they're true, but no wonder you're not feeling secure. Like you should be grateful that he's ok with not being terribly attracted to you cos he thinks your personality is swell. And saying he's more attracted to others...ugh!

I don't know if it's that significant, given you were fighting, but he sounds like a jerk.

Even his harping on his stupid hair preference cos it's "healthier" rubs me the wrong way. Is he your bloody hair dresser?

October 19, 2011

Those words keep going around and around in my mind and I can't truly relax and enjoy the relationship.

I did tell him before we moved in how much it hurt me, he said that I kept digging and digging. He did apologize for hurting me and said that he will be more careful in what he says.

Since then, he has been over-doing it with giving me tons of compliments ALL the time (including how much blond hair suits me ). They now feel hollow and fake.

One of the things that I have always wondered is this: is this one of unsaid ugly truths in most relationships? Really, who has their ideal physical and personality match in their partner? (except CE ). Most people just prefer to live in an ignorant bliss, rather than over-analyze and dig the way that I do.

October 19, 2011

All my bf's exs and crushes have been brunettes. I know this is his preference, although he doesn't say it straight out. My natural hair color is medium brown but I have been dying it very light blonde for years.

It would actually be much easier and less expensive to maintain darker hair.
I just remembered that when I had it, some people commented that blonde suits me more so I am unsure :/

I suspect that when men talk about having a preference for brunettes, it's often associated with a preference for the Mediterranean or Latina look. If that's the case with your bf, then there's little point in darkening your hair in a bid to please him...unless you have the skin colour, eye colour and body type that goes with it.

If, however, by brunette (in terms of your boyfriend's preference) you just mean hair that isn't blonde or red...but with eye colouring that may be blue or green, and fairish toned skin, then why not darken up to something closer to your natural colour? If you at your most natural is his preference, then that sounds like a good thing.

His preference for brunettes is only a negative thing for your relationship if it's associated with ethnic preferences. You can change your hair colour easily, but ethnicity remains a constant.

In terms of guessing naturally blonde hair...if a naturally blonde woman is wearing make up that's designed to make her feaures pop out a bit more, most people will probably think she's a bleached blonde. A girl I used to work with was very fair...and during the day nobody looked twice at her. When she was getting married we all went along to her hen night. She was made up, and the transformation was stunning. I think most people looking at her would probably have assumed she wasn't a natural blonde due to the contrast between the hair colour and the features. But in her case, the contrast was brought about by make-up rather than by bleach. Which includes darkening the eyes and the eyebrows to create more of a striking contrast.

I suppose it's because our notion of beauty has been shaped by naturally darker-haired women (with the more stand-out features that goes with it) highlighting their hair and the pleasing effect this has on the big screen. So to mimic that effect, naturally fair women have to darken up their features with make-up. There might be some men who like the naturally blonde and without make up look...but I think a lot would regard it as too "washed out" looking and drab, in comparison with the Hollywood blonde we've all become accustomed to.

Edited October 19, 2011 by Taramere

October 19, 2011

That NOT her natural hair color. I can assure. you.

Sorry TC, it is what it is. She has had interviews with the auburn cleaned out of her hair after a role, while her eyebrows were still dyed auburn. She switches so often between those colors, she's known for it. She has talked about it in more than one interview. As a matter of fact, as a blonde she was never able to get any roles. She started to get roles when she dyed her hair auburn. It's even on her wikipedia page. (yeah I read it, sue me)

Oh god. The male responses in this thread are making me laugh/cringe. Guys have no clue what "natural" beauty is. There are almost no celebrities who go around bare faced. In fact celebs often wear a ton of makeup to look natural. It's true that most women probably look better with dyed hair, as long as it's natural looking as in a color that is plausible and also fits their complexion. The reason is that there are a lot of women who have mousy, dull colored natural hair and men tend to prefer more vibrant colors. There are some lucky few girls who have naturally vibrant hair but not that many.

Also, there is no way in hell this is her natural hair color:
http://www.nhatky.in/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Emma-Stone-Blonde-235x299.jpg

You know what makes my stomach cringe, the fact that I have to look up long distance tele-lense paparazzi photo's to actually prove that I as a man DO KNOW what a celebrity/woman without make-up looks like. Here's Natalie Portman when she just walked out of the salty ocean washed over by waves, complete with pimples and wet hair. Like I said, she looks the girl next door.

We guys are not so clueless that we are "not in the know". Besides, it's not like I have to look at tele-lens paparazzi photo's to know what a woman without make-up looks like.

This is what somebody who has naturally light blonde hair looks like. Notice the difference in complexion, in her skin, eyelashes (the lower ones that don't have mascara) and eyebrows:

http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Caroline+Winberg+Entourage+Season+8+Premiere+UL4v6OE-m62l.jpg

As if there's only one type of blonde, there are entire gradations of blondes.

Btw, if Emma Stone is Swedish I'd guess she's only a fraction because she has more Anglican/Scottish/Irish features. It's rare to see somebody from that region who has naturally light light blonde hair.

I don't think she would lie about that in an interview, as things like that are verifiable.

Nexus

compare the two looks

Here's Emma Stone with a fairly natural look but still wearing some makeup since she's in a movie:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_viu77GQNe0Y/TUUFMJ4Wx1I/AAAAAAAAAiE/Iyum6fqE08U/s1600/emmastone7.jpg

Here she is with more obvious makeup and a less natural look:
http://alipstickeffect.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/emma-stone_red.jpg
http://fabulousbuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/emma-stone-blonde.jpg

You really find the first photo more attractive??

I find her attractive in all photo's, I like the chameleon quality of her. She's also one of very few celebrities/women in my opinion that wears red lipstick well.

I don't care her hair looks duller in the first picture. You make it sound as if I would lose attraction to a woman the second she really takes off all her make-up. Except generally I feel attracted to women that are beautiful (in my opinion) both with and without make-up. If they can switch styles like a chameleon, then that even increases the appeal in my opinion.

That being said, Emma Stone's greatest asset in my opinion is her personality. She's one of those women that makes her physical beauty grow due to her personality. (in my opinion)

As if I really care what kind of hair color she has, whether she wears make-up or whatever she does to doll up. When it comes to women I like, then such things all minor details to me, pretty much irrelevant actually.

Guys crush on women, just like women crush on guys. Beyond a certain point you just don't care about such minor things. Sure guys have preferences, just like women do. I just gave a suggestion. What everyone does with their appearance is their business.

October 19, 2011

I worked late tonight and I got home at 9pm to find that he has cooked dinner and dessert, done the washing, stocked up on two flavours of my favorite iced tea and shampoo and conditioner. As I entered our place, he picked me up and spun me around, hugged and kissed me saying "My life partner is home!"

I feel kind of bad talking s... about him.

October 19, 2011

One of the things that I have always wondered is this: is this one of unsaid ugly truths in most relationships? Really, who has their ideal physical and personality match in their partner? (except CE ). Most people just prefer to live in an ignorant bliss, rather than over-analyze and dig the way that I do.

When deeply in love, your partner can become your ideal. You idealize the features they have.

This happened for me and my H. He'd never dated my "type", but I'm define his "type" now. Early on, he made a slightly hurtful comment about blondes....I'm not blonde, but his previous gf was. It bugged me for a year or two. But now, years later, he clearly prefers darker hair--because I have darker hair.

October 19, 2011

It's actually not easy to switch from dark to light. My hair is already bleached and it would be easy to dye it dark but it would take me a looooong time to go back to blonde. It would mean re-bleaching the already bleached hair which would probably fall off. My only option would be to cut it really short.

So it's not like I could just see if I like it.

October 19, 2011

I worked late tonight and I got home at 9pm to find that he has cooked dinner and dessert, done the washing, stocked up on two flavours of my favorite iced tea and shampoo and conditioner. As I entered our place, he picked me up and spun me around, hugged and kissed me saying "My life partner is home!"

I feel kind of bad talking s... about him.

That's understandable to feel this way.

Hmm... However, does he always do that or is it only lately? If it's the latter, maybe he has picked some kind of vibe from you that you are not very happy with him lately and he's trying to appease you?

October 19, 2011

To me, this just shows how entrenched your mainstream thinking is, and how unaware of the programming you are.

I would NEVER name a celebrity if someone asked me my type. The mere idea is absurd to me. I would describe a few physical and interior qualities that really do it for me, in universal terms -- not Hollywood terms. I recognize the Hollywood machine for what it is, and don't use it as any sort of compass for my personal life.

Fine Ruby. I'm completely the product of the media and have no cognitive capabilities of my own. Kind of ironic for you to call me out on my references from the film industry, when you have a moviestar as your avatar.

The most attractive quality in any woman is being true to herself. I think it's a loving, fun thing to do to consider your partner's taste in your fashion and styling choices -- but your own comfort and ease with it has to come first. Don't play a role for someone else. Be yourself.

I agree with that. You talk as if I made the opposite point. Just because I gave a suggestion doesn't mean I'm hellbent on changing people's appearances.

That being said Ruby. That photo compilation I made, I made that for a thread about celebrities. I could have just listed the names of celebrities I find attractive, but I actually put some effort into compiling some photo's to give people a visual idea of who I'm talking about.

Your comments on it has partly taken away my enthusiasm on posting it and talking about it. I normally wouldn't care, but the reason I do in this case is because you always struck me as a forum member with a kind disposition and gentle posting style. For you to react this way to it kind of has me doubting if I should actually be posting about any of that stuff. So if that was your goal, then mission accomplished.

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Would you color your hair darker if you knew your bf's preference are brunettes?

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