AHardDaysNight Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 You don't have to tell anybody you're a virgin and if you are that worried about it, you can visit a prostitute in Amsterdam or Germany if you so wish. Yeah, except I have these problems: A.) I'm a broke college student B.) I'm from the USA C.) I live at home, and can't exactly cut and run to Amsterdam or Germany on a whim D.) I want love and intimacy, not just sex. A prostitute won't want to cuddle or kiss. I want a girlfriend, not just sex. However, I can't get a girlfriend because A.) I'm average looking, B.) I have social anxiety, and C.) I'm a virgin, which women don't like.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 So what you are saying is that you desire the hot one, but would settle for the chubby one. You want the hottie and the chubby one is merely 2nd choice. No thanks. I'm sure you would feel great if you found out the woman you're with secretly wants your hot roommate and just went for you because you seem like less hassle. most convenient, so to speak. Sounds exciting? Well, no one wants to be settled for - not even you men. Otherwise you would not care that you had to spend money on a woman just like a woman has to spend money on make-up and clothes to look pretty for your "visual eyes". But obviously you want to be wanted for yourself, not just for being a alking wallet. Just like we women would like to be wanted for more than being a walking set of t'n'a. And like I said ALREADY, leave the "issues and bad personalities" out of the equation. I specifically said let's assume the hot one has an awesome personality. the whole package, so to speak. who would you choose? yeah, that's what i thought. You can't take personal issues and personalities out of the equation though. That would be like saying "would you want Michael Jordan on your basketball team if he wasn't Michael Jordan". It's a logical fallacy. Like it or not people (both men and women) are not nearly as shallow as you make them out to be. In countless other threads I have written about this girl I was madly in love with and crazy about. She was an above average looking girl, objectively cute but no where near "hot" (wore the same pair of sketchers every day). People are attracted to other people. Looks may be part of it (or not) but they're certainly not the entirety.
somedude81 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I know, because it's happened to me. Guys have "settled" for me, settled for the average/ugly girl with the good personality, and guess what? They gained some confidence, and then dumped me the second they found a girl who they were ACTUALLY attracted to both physically and emotionally. They wanted that girl all along, and all that was keeping them with me was desperation. And ya know what? It's heart-wrenching and AWFUL to know that the only reason someone is with you is because of their own low self-esteem, not because they actually love and care for you, and even WORSE to watch them pine and swoon over someone else that they can never have. OK, I'm going to be blunt. From the way you described your experiences, these men are using you as a starter girlfriend. It's obviously not a positive experience for you to be in. Though you do have the power to change it. Stop dating men that do poorly with women. In other words, don't date guys like me. It's not doing you any favors. Find a guy that wants you, not wants you to be a steeping stone. If a says anything about wanting a "better" girl, drop him.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 ORRRRRR go after the woman you ACTUALLY find attractive without waiting for her to fall into your lap, instead of "settling" for someone just because you fear rejection. Well, the other issue is what if you're just not that picky. I mean a lot of us really do have a lot flexibility in what we like and what we're attracted to.
somedude81 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) It's ashame that Somedude81 and AHardsDayNight don't have the same level of self-respect. I think both men are quality men who would make fantastic partners for women. Yet neither man focuses on the positives, it's always the negatives with these two. Yet neither man is willing to self improve as people, they just sit there and whinge. They refuse to change and just continually blame their woes on outside influences. Women don't fall out of the sky and land on a man's lap. A man has to go out there and search for a suitable woman. Dude, I have spent a long time and worked very hard on trying to improve myself. I'm a very different person from who I was five years ago. But even still, I don't get sh*t from women. Dating a woman who settled from me is 1,000 times better than being alone. Why do people use "He's a virgin" as some type of put down? Whether I've had sex or not doesn't equate to who I am a person. I certainly don't find it offensive, so by all means carry on, but at least I'm not a cry baby bunty. It's because you basically said you'd rather stay a virgin than go for a woman who settled for you. If by some unfortunate string of bad luck, you end up as a 30 year old virgin, you'd be looking back at the woman who rejected you and wish they settled. Not to drive this topic any more OT, but how did you lose your virginity somedude? You mentioned that you've never been in a relationship, but that you lost your virginity. How did that happen? My sexual experiences are not relevant to this thread. But consider this scenario. In a rut, myself, Hot_Guy and two girls are in a room. Girl 1 picks Hot_Guy and they leave together. To do whatever. Girl 2 gets upset, "I wanted Hot_guy " She goes over to In a rut, "I'll guess you'll do." In a rut: "No thanks, I won't go with a girl who settled for me" Girl 2: "SD81, ok it's you." SD81: "Cool, I got no problem with that." And we leave together. In a rut keeps his self-respect and I get laid. We both win Edited October 18, 2011 by somedude81
AD1980 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Most people dont know theyre being settled for
somedude81 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 You still need to improve though. Never stop trying to become a better person, not for women, but for yourself. That's obvious. But right now, getting a woman is the most important thing in my life. Will I? No, I doubt I will! I'll be too busy enjoying life to remotely give two hoots. We'll see about that. Frankly, I don't know any men over 25 that do poorly with women who are happy. We both win, you're not wrong there buddy. I thought you'd like that
Woggle Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Physically a 10? No such thing, there is not a single woman in this world who scores 10/10. Also the 1-10 scale is a poor scale to use. I use the 1 -0 scale. 1 means I'm interested in her, she has a lot of what I'm looking for and 0 means I am not interested her and she just doesn't have what I'm looking for. I met plenty of 0's, never that many 1's which is disappointing. I once casually dated a woman like that. She could have been a model and was the type that made men lose all sense. People envied me for actually having a chance with her yet I dropped her. She seriously wanted to go to Vegas and elope but she had way way too much baggage. She was the type who was not used to having a man say no to her and when I did it drove her crazy.
somedude81 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I'm not a very sexual person anyway, I often wonder if I'm an asexual. Oh, than this changes everything! I've always been very horny and really into girls. My sex drive is very high. So I think it's understandable for me to want women so desperately. But if you're at the point where you think you might be asexual, then I can see why you might be fine if you never have sex. Here's a little test to find out. Google, "September Carrino" go to images and make sure safe search is off and look through a few pictures or watch some clips. If that doesn't do anything for you, you're probably asexual
Author Wolf18 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 I have to give it to Negative nancy, atleast she's honest. Generally the very "hot" women are the ones I never see the big fuss about. I am naturally drawn to average/plain/cute looking women and find them to be much hotter than some Kardashian or Megan Fox or some other worthless entity. Don't like fat girls but you can fix that...by losing weight. It's not easy for anyone and I'm not a saint either (never said I was), but it's a lot easier to lose weight than become 6 feet tall or get a job that pays 150,000 dollars a year. PTP Wolf, it seems like you know the rules to the game...you know what type of characteristics women are looking for. So you have a choice you can either try to gain as many of these characteristics or you can choose not to. Everybody gets dealt a different hand in life, but how you chose to play that hand is completely up to you. [/Quote] I agree. I personally despise most of the characteristics women seem to reward. I think rich people are by and large weak and effeminate, being 6 feet tall is something I neither admire nor dislike I don't see the value in it, and while being strong is a positive in my view, I think a lot of the guys girls think look strong and sexy have bogus water-bloated creatine muscles. When I worked on my grandpas farm (my parents sent me away because I was getting in a lot of trouble back in my teen years) I once carried parts from a broken down tractor 8 miles in pouring rain, i'd like to see some vain attention whore like Ronnie on Jersey Shore do that. I'd like to correct Negative Nancy on one thing, making a womans vagina wet doesn't mean you are masculine. You can say they attract you, but don't hijack the definition of what it means to be a man. Being a man is someone who lives for honor who works hard and puts his people over himself, not about how tall you are, how much leisure time you have to work out 5 hours at the gym, or how big your paycheck looks after 5 days of typing in a comfy air conditioned office. She wouldn't have known anything about his "nice car" when she randomly walked up to him in the pub. And maybe it wasn't so random...maybe your friend smiled at her, while you did not. (And for all the guys who complain that women never make the first move, here's an example of one who did). [/Quote] No, that's not what happened. My friend is actually very shy. What happened is we were drinking and there was a group of girls sitting a few tables away. Why is it so hard to believe that a woman will make the first move if you are tall and good looking? Are you just in self-denial? So it's more like objectifying them (i.e, finally having the opportunity to?) Well, since you put it that way... if it's just using people and treating them with apathy --- then oh yes, props to him for living it up ... and what an admirable aspiration too[/Quote] It's hard to be sympathetic when you never got a break yourself. What reason does a guy have to be sympathetic to a girl that "falls in love" with him, when 5 years prior she wouldn't of? I already know you don't want to hear it, but I think you're wrong about all women being unable to love and lust for who you really are. First of all, the odds are against you... the sheer number of just women who are in their fertile years are still excessive and there really are all kinds of people --- second of all... you really aren't located in what, I at least, consider to be a good place, heh. Finally, when you're being completely honest with yourself --- do you yearn to be with a woman? any woman? Even if you think you may be "masking" this, desperation is not very subtle and, just saying, it could be something that females are picking up on... whether or not someone values intelligence over hot-looks, someone''s desperation can overshadow even their great qualities... [/Quote] I agree that where I am right now is a major detriment. I am a little desperate sometimes, I won't lie. But when I don't care nothing happens either. When I'm in between, same story. At this point, yes I am open to a wide variety of women (within reason). I don't see how this is a bad thing, how does noticing and taking an interest in the plain girls that are always complaining that nobody notices them a bad thing? I look for women who have interests in common with me, after that I'm pretty lax on looks. The problem is that women don't feel the same way and are always on the lookout for a better option. Women don't have any mind reading super powers and they're not the enigma you want us to think you are. With the naked eye I see guys in my boat are all single and guys who have a bad attitude but have things women want have women that will do anything for them. It's not about being a "bad boy" vs "nice guy" either, it's the fact that you can be either and as long as you have the superficial traits women want you will have them. If women were so clairvoyant and could pick up on so many things, the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is (especially when you consider women initiate close to 3/4 of divorces). I'm not going to fault you for venting nor am I going to presume you're leaking out bitterness in your real life --- I do think some very grim things can briefly transpire through venting that are better set free... with that said, that probably means there are factors out of your control at play and other ones that are in your control (but you will never see them until you admit that anyway. But your woes with women are not solely due to your height nor your lack of financial success or rather, the poor values that some women have. There ARE short and "ugly" men without a good job who've been in relationships with women. And you're not even ugly (if that's you in your avatar) [/Quote] Indeed the factors are not in my control. There are some that are perhaps in my control but it would be incompatible with my essence to change them. I'm glad you atleast admit that I am telling some truths. I don't know any guys who aren't tall, are ugly, and don't have a good job with girlfriends. Atleast not in my age group (20-30) . I know ugly tall poor guys with girlfriends. I know rich ugly short guys with girlfriends. Regardless I don't care anymore, I just dislike the lie that all you need to have a woman's love is to be a loving, interesting, confident and funny man with good values. When girls tell you you are all of these things yet still aren't game, you know the whole game is rigged and it's as dumb and trite as most men deep down inside know it is.
OneFootOut Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 When you're fat, short, or jobless and suddenly your situation changes, so does your love life. This is essentially proof that what's inside...doesn't really matter. I got rejected by some girl today that i've gotten to know; she's in love with some guy that's making 6 figures, has a nice car, etc. He cheats on her all the time and she told me that she broke it off with him, but now is back together with him. his guy is kind of dweeby and boring but he has a good computer engineering career. I bet that when he was in college the girls ignored him, but now hes living it up and has little remorse about it. This girl tried to call me later on after rejecting me...to whine about him. I politely told her I didn't want to hear about her ****ing boyfriend and that I'm not a girl so I don't care. She probably would've ignored him in college just like she's frigid towards me (underemployed, not tall, not muscular, no car I have nothing women want), so now it's his turn to have his 15 minutes in the spotlight. Romantic love for love's sake, is a lie. Your animal instinct to build a nest or sleep with a beefcakeis what's real, when you try to philosophize it just makes us realistic people laugh. Ever thought you are chasing the wrong girls? If this is how it keeps going for you then stop chasing high maintenance superficial girls who love what a man has to offer instead of loving the man. I thought what most women look for in a man is someone honest and down to earth who won’t be lying cheating and stealing. I could care less what a man owns, drives, what job he has, or what he can or can’t bench press. I look for one who will treat me and others well and be as devoted and faithful to a relationship as I am.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Lying, cheating, and stealing are all traits that bad boys have. Strangely enough, that's what 75% of women on this planet want.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Lying, cheating, and stealing are all traits that bad boys have. Strangely enough, that's what 75% of women on this planet want. No. They want a man who could do those things if he wanted to but is choosing not to (in very extreme and perverse instances some women do prefer they lie and cheat etc. but those are rare). Girls just don't want guys who have no options.
OneFootOut Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Lying, cheating, and stealing are all traits that bad boys have. Strangely enough, that's what 75% of women on this planet want. Not this one. That's just all I ever seem to find. 75% want? I don't think so. Maybe 75% of the men on the planet are liars, cheaters, and thieves, so that's what the women are stuck with.
Author Wolf18 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Ever thought you are chasing the wrong girls? If this is how it keeps going for you then stop chasing high maintenance superficial girls who love what a man has to offer instead of loving the man. I thought what most women look for in a man is someone honest and down to earth who won’t be lying cheating and stealing. I could care less what a man owns, drives, what job he has, or what he can or can’t bench press. I look for one who will treat me and others well and be as devoted and faithful to a relationship as I am. Who are the wrong girls, and who should I be chasing instead? It's just a cliche of woman speak that translates into : "stop going after the hot girls". Which I don't do. The average girls with compatible personalities think they're too good for me as well. If not lying, cheating, and stealing is all most women look for, I'd have a whole harem of women. I always keep my word (even when it's painful to do so), I do the opposite of stealing, and I wouldn't cheat on a girl who loves me for me. Girls see this and even commend me on it, but guess what? That doesn't make their penelope tingle. Let me guess , "you just haven't met the right girl yet, one day it will happen", right? If that's what you're going to say, leave this thread and start a motivational poster company. Some guys I know have the "right girl" lining up for them day and night, and among those guys there are plenty of liars , cheaters and crooks (what is a hedgefund manager other than a white collar crook?).
Woggle Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 If anything the average women are the worst of all because they desperately want to live the life of a hot woman and want a man that represents that. Many times super attractive women are much nicer and down to earth than people think because they have been there and done that and know that their status is not what it is cracked up to me. It's similar to how many people from a lower economic background are often more snobbish and materialistic than truly wealthy people sometimes.
norajane Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Who are the wrong girls, and who should I be chasing instead? ... Some guys I know have the "right girl" lining up for them day and night, and among those guys there are plenty of liars , cheaters and crooks (what is a hedgefund manager other than a white collar crook?). Maybe you could go chase after the girls who are Occupying Wall St. and every other city. Those women might share your views and have things in common with you - they are out there in plain sight protesting against the liars, cheaters, and crooks! Go meet them!
Woggle Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Maybe you could go chase after the girls who are Occupying Wall St. and every other city. Those women might share your views and have things in common with you - they are out there in plain sight protesting against the liars, cheaters, and crooks! Go meet them! Chances he consider them to be dirty liberal hippies. I admit some guys are their own worst enemies. I must admit that some of them probably lust after the corporate pigs they protest though.
Author Wolf18 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Maybe you could go chase after the girls who are Occupying Wall St. and every other city. Those women might share your views and have things in common with you - they are out there in plain sight protesting against the liars, cheaters, and crooks! Go meet them! I actually went to Occupy Wall street about 3 times. I didn't go there to chat up women, I went to go and say my piece against the government and financial system I loathe with all my heart. I wasn't exactly popular since I have a few "controversial" opinions that are not exactly Left-wing (like I asked why there was a bunch of huge rainbow flag flying in the middle of the protest when homosexuality had nothing to do with the protest). From what I did see most of the girls there go with their boyfriend, are lesbian , or just aren't there to socialize. There was one girl who smiled at me, then walked away while on the phone. Then I saw her again at the protest and she smiled at me again, but she walked by me in a hurry so I assume she was just being nice or was happy that I made it to protest, some people are like that. I have men smile at me when I happen to make eye contact with them sometimes, that doesn't mean they want me to pound their butt.
norajane Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 There was one girl who smiled at me, then walked away while on the phone. Then I saw her again at the protest and she smiled at me again, but she walked by me in a hurry so I assume she was just being nice or was happy that I made it to protest, some people are like that. Did you smile back at her?
Author Wolf18 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Did you smile back at her? I smiled at her first. The second time I saw her smile at me walking past me, I said hey but she just kept walking...
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I'd like to correct Negative Nancy on one thing, making a womans vagina wet doesn't mean you are masculine. You can say they attract you, but don't hijack the definition of what it means to be a man. Being a man is someone who lives for honor who works hard and puts his people over himself, not about how tall you are, how much leisure time you have to work out 5 hours at the gym, or how big your paycheck looks after 5 days of typing in a comfy air conditioned office. Heh, I agree. What reason does a guy have to be sympathetic to a girl that "falls in love" with him, when 5 years prior she wouldn't of? He just shouldn't be "gracing" such a girl in the first place then. I could have turned into a man-hating bitch or even just have carelessly tormented the hearts of the shallow men I perceived about me --- but I instead chose to wait for a different kind of man heh... which proved to be unfruitful until I gave up, but I still rejected the "shallow" men that were trying to crawl all over me (and still do) and rather sealed my fate to be alone... I didn't use these men for their resources that many many freely offered, among so much else ... and I can't even begin to imagine justifying that... I NEVER could... even during my darkest hours (though I do recall having fantasies LoL). At this point, yes I am open to a wide variety of women (within reason). I don't see how this is a bad thing, how does noticing and taking an interest in the plain girls that are always complaining that nobody notices them a bad thing? I look for women who have interests in common with me, after that I'm pretty lax on looks. The problem is that women don't feel the same way and are always on the lookout for a better option. Are these women younger / inexperienced? I'm not implying you are, but I just don't understand how they could claim to have similar values, you believe it all, and then when it's time for these things to hold ground, the illusion of it crumbles before you over and over again... are you sure you're not too eager to believe in what you want to be true? It isn't bad in and of itself to pursue / take interest in the "plain" girls... but you need to take extra care when they're complaining about being ignored and invisible --- they probably DO have self-esteem issues that they falsely think can only be assuaged by being with a guy where it is apparent that plenty of other girls want him (of course there are so many other possibilities). Or they are just disgusted with themselves on some level and you having things in common with them reflects their disgust for themselves and touches upon you --- regardless, I think it's actually good for you to see their behavior and their actions for what they are... even if you've been desperate to want to be with just someone... once you are, that element will fade, and....... but really, your location ... = evuhl. Women don't have any mind reading super powers and they're not the enigma you want us to think you are. Humans are awfully enigmatic. Regardless... if you believe in ATTRACTION... why is it so hard to ponder that there are other "chemicals" that can be sensed etc? .. There are some that are perhaps in my control but it would be incompatible with my essence to change them. And that's an extremely good reason not to change them... but I still don't see as to how anyone exists who cannot benefit from improving themselves (at the very least, in an area or two heh). I don't know any guys who aren't tall, are ugly, and don't have a good job with girlfriends. Atleast not in my age group (20-30) . I know ugly tall poor guys with girlfriends. I know rich ugly short guys with girlfriends. Personally, I only know of one. And I don't even think the girl with him truly loves him... but she has her reasons nonetheless... I just dislike the lie that all you need to have a woman's love is to be a loving, interesting, confident and funny man with good values. When girls tell you you are all of these things yet still aren't game, you know the whole game is rigged and it's as dumb and trite as most men deep down inside know it is. I don't know... I think the "game" is pathetic and not worth adhering to... Perhaps the majority of American women don't really go for those traits in men (though I do think more did in the past) --- but there still are several that do heh.
Richard Friedman Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Women are in a tricky spot becasue whats good for thme and what traits they like in a person isnt necassarily what turns them on and gets their panties wet Sure theyd love a guy with kindness and a good heart but raw power domination and social status are what they inhernetly repspond to subconsciously Its all about masculine enegy not being a kind thoguhtful person when turning women on in the most natural raw way Yep. end of thread right there. don't listen to what women say, look at what they do. Now that you know the truth behind alll the hollywood fairytale nonsense, what are you gonna do about it.
Jynxx Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I have turned down women who were physically a 10 because they had way too many issues that made it not worth it. Men are seriously not as shallow as you think. Especially not after we mature and realize it is not worth the drama to simply have an attractive woman. Physically a 10? Where did you meet her? How did you get to know her? How much time did you spend with her before you realised she wanted you? Not calling you a liar, but I seriously doubt she was a 10.
Woggle Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Physically a 10? Where did you meet her? How did you get to know her? How much time did you spend with her before you realised she wanted you? Not calling you a liar, but I seriously doubt she was a 10. I met her hanging out at this lounge place. A couple of friends and I were celebrating my promotion and I saw her across the room. We made eye contact and I ended up dancing with her for much of the night and I got her number. I called her two days later and she told me that she was not interested in any kind of serious relationship and just wanted some fun which at the time was just up my alley because the last I wanted was to commit to another woman. We made sure both of us knew the score and we proceeded to have sex with each other and hang out occasionally. She was a known man eater who chewed up many men and spit them out. Before I knew it she was falling in love because I was the first man to not fall in love with her. I was a challenge and she couldn't have me so that made her want me even more. I turned her down because I know the difference between true feelings and want what you can't have syndrome. I knew the minute I showed interest back she would have crushed me like she did the other men. I must admit she gorgeous and great in bed though.
Recommended Posts