Need some input

[Sake3838]

Ok so heres what happened.

 

I went to europe with 3 of my friends backpacking

 

London Berlin Paris Rome

 

Met a girl in London on day one, met her 2 more times, really hit it off with her. Iv never met a girl like this in my life.

 

We had the perfect date the night before I had to leave london. We walked around town, talked all night, and a really good kiss goodnight. She left me her full name and her email so i can keep in contact with her.

 

We emailed everyday as I highjacked my friends netbook and hooked into any wifi near or at the hostels we were in.

 

I even wrote her name and mine on a lock and put it on the bridge of love locks in Paris, she thought that was amazing.

 

However we started talking in the emails about how it might be a better idea to be friends, but then after a couple more emails we started to get to know eachother even more.. and that eventually led back on the path of a relationship.

 

So Iv been back in Canada for about a month now, we still talk everyday, i even went and bought a pricey webcam to chat with her everyday. We try to go on and see eachother as much as possible. We also text eachother despite the charges.

 

Im in love with her, and I feel so strongly about her. I havent told her yet

 

She is visiting me actually, her flight arrives in November, exactly a month from now. Im both nervous and excited and everything together, I want to plan the best time of her life but Im not sure how I would feel when she leaves. I also was lucky enough to get time off during then, as I work 50 hours a week. Iv been trying to save up to go see her there too.

 

I dont know what else to say, theres alot more details but this is the gist of my long distance relationship so far. We havent officially labeled anything either, but its there. Trust too.

 

I would like some input and maybe advice or criticsm? I dont know.. I just want to hear what people think about this situation. It might help me think too

 

Thanks in advance

Edited October 18, 2011 by Sake3838

[LDR234]

I guess it will take time to see if this leads anywhere. I know my long distance will end when my boyfriend is done with his military service in a few years and will be together again. I guess it's better to talk about plans down to the road to know if you will eventually be together. Does your company have a location out there so you can be with her if it does lead to a long distance relationship? Does her company have a company in canada near you? will you guys be able to afford the plane trip to each other? I would consider unlimited texting plan if you guys don't have it already, cuz I definitely need it in my LDR

[LDR234]

actually, about the texting---there is free texting through google voice---apply for a gmail account and get a google number

[Sake3838]

First off, thank you for replying

 

Well I guess we will see when she comes here in a month I will make an effort to talk about what she thinks this can lead to. Iv already decided im willing to give it my all for this girl.

 

and Im not so sure if the company would be happy transfering me as im their inventory asset right now.. and its a exponentially expanding company so who knows :S

 

She lives in Finland and I live in Canada, Its not so much the airfare, which is still by far really expensive.. but its the time I wont be able to take off from work.

 

Shes also studying to get into a good law school at the moment.

 

I really want this to work out, but as much as I paint stuff out it seems more obstacles appear. but theres also something to punch through walls and I still got my feet to jump over those bumps.

 

Thanks for suggesting the texting plan, I already do have unlimited texting, however its not international. So i will look into that, as my weekend parttime gig for extra money is a cell phone sales rep hehe...

[binny]

If you have unlimited data and a smart phone, you can always download skype to your phone and use that to message and call one other. Skype - Skype is free!

 

I think you should just see how things go, it seems a bit early to tell whether it will work out or not. If you both want it to work then I am sure it will work.

 

There isn't much you can do with taking time off work unless you have the option to "buy" vacation days, but you said she is studying which means she must have some long holidays (e.g. in summer) when she could perhaps come and visit you if she is not working?

 

Good luck!

[Sake3838]

If you have unlimited data and a smart phone, you can always download skype to your phone and use that to message and call one other. Skype - Skype is free!

 

I think you should just see how things go, it seems a bit early to tell whether it will work out or not. If you both want it to work then I am sure it will work.

 

There isn't much you can do with taking time off work unless you have the option to "buy" vacation days, but you said she is studying which means she must have some long holidays (e.g. in summer) when she could perhaps come and visit you if she is not working?

 

Good luck!

 

 

Well I hope there will be many more chances we can see eachother in person

 

So far we use MSN every chance we get to see eachother and web chat ~ its going really well. I also secretly sent her flowers by a Finland Floral delivery to where she lives in Finland. Her favourite flowers (flowers are expensive by the way lol..) xD. also some other stuff like movies she mentioned she wanted to watch because sometimes we watch shows and movies together online via webchat

 

Its going great and I can only hope for the best~ Im going to try to make her experience visiting me an unforgettable one

[creighton0123]

You're going to have to have the talk. Figure out what both of you want. Figure out whether you want a long distance relationship and, most importantly, how you can make it a close-ended one. When (and how) will the distance end? If the two of you get involved, you obviously can't remain separated by an ocean for years and years with no end in sight.

 

Who will move where? What will you do about citizenship requirements? Will she move to you? Will you move to her? Will the two of you move somewhere foreign to both of you? When - roughly - will that happen?

 

When you start discussing that, you will begin to realize whether or not a long distance relationship is right for you... or whether it would simply end in heartache after a year or two of lost potential.

[Sake3838]

You're going to have to have the talk. Figure out what both of you want. Figure out whether you want a long distance relationship and, most importantly, how you can make it a close-ended one. When (and how) will the distance end? If the two of you get involved, you obviously can't remain separated by an ocean for years and years with no end in sight.

 

Who will move where? What will you do about citizenship requirements? Will she move to you? Will you move to her? Will the two of you move somewhere foreign to both of you? When - roughly - will that happen?

 

When you start discussing that, you will begin to realize whether or not a long distance relationship is right for you... or whether it would simply end in heartache after a year or two of lost potential.

 

First thanks for the advice, I do appreciate your words and input.

Now I hope you read what I have to say and maybe respond again

 

I see you have given me some great advice on planning ahead and assessing a future together with this girl. I understand that. and I also understand the talk is something that should GENERALLY be had.

However, have you ever thought instead of machine gunning questions like that in your head, to maybe just let the moment be?

For example, have you ever had a moment in life where it just felt right? whether it be with someone or something that you simply did. Then later on this feeling manifested with a tint of regret because you felt like it didnt have the end result you wanted? Well guess what.. Some of those things later on you realize you needed/wanted/ enjoyed because of the experience. And that one simple thing helped make you who you were today.

A relationship, whether it lasts a bit or a while or in someones eyes forever until the last of both in a couple, are meant to be had.

Nothing is forever, so all in all, as much as I would like to assess the situation fully and intentfully planting outlines for a future.. Id rather not. I want to work with my partner to further communicate what we have to grow and prosper. Things like this shouldnt be forced in my opinion. and Inquisitions Ill leave up to chance of curiosity. because whether if this works out or not, I will always cherish the feeling, emotions, and the experience I will have had/ am having with this relationship.

 

Offcourse with that said, everyone wants everlasting happiness and to be with the person they love forever. Its not saying im not trying hard to make that happen, but its going to happen less if you over hold expectations and rules and standards. Its like telling a plant to grow faster and then slapping it when it doesnt. But if you let a plant grow naturally itll bloom to its peak before its death.

[wild_urge]

First thanks for the advice, I do appreciate your words and input.

Now I hope you read what I have to say and maybe respond again

 

I see you have given me some great advice on planning ahead and assessing a future together with this girl. I understand that. and I also understand the talk is something that should GENERALLY be had.

However, have you ever thought instead of machine gunning questions like that in your head, to maybe just let the moment be?

For example, have you ever had a moment in life where it just felt right? whether it be with someone or something that you simply did. Then later on this feeling manifested with a tint of regret because you felt like it didnt have the end result you wanted? Well guess what.. Some of those things later on you realize you needed/wanted/ enjoyed because of the experience. And that one simple thing helped make you who you were today.

A relationship, whether it lasts a bit or a while or in someones eyes forever until the last of both in a couple, are meant to be had.

Nothing is forever, so all in all, as much as I would like to assess the situation fully and intentfully planting outlines for a future.. Id rather not. I want to work with my partner to further communicate what we have to grow and prosper. Things like this shouldnt be forced in my opinion. and Inquisitions Ill leave up to chance of curiosity. because whether if this works out or not, I will always cherish the feeling, emotions, and the experience I will have had/ am having with this relationship.

 

Offcourse with that said, everyone wants everlasting happiness and to be with the person they love forever. Its not saying im not trying hard to make that happen, but its going to happen less if you over hold expectations and rules and standards. Its like telling a plant to grow faster and then slapping it when it doesnt. But if you let a plant grow naturally itll bloom to its peak before its death.

 

Ok, I read the first few words and then i couldn't read more.

You are still in the honeymoon phase, where the good feeling has taken over.

I have been in LDR for 2 years ( in 5 days it will be 2 years ) with someone with whom I was together with for one year and a half before he had to leave, so we had some solid basis for the relationship. You don't even have that, all you have is a few weeks of msn and text messages.

Also, you have not yet experienced being apart from someone you love for months and let me tell you it sucks. Saying goodbye to that person, SUCKS BIG TIME.

My point is, that you should have the talk as soon as possible, this is curtail, the only reason for being in a long distance relationship is knowing that you will soon ( in a few years ) be together, otherwise it's torture and you don't gain anything from it.

Once she comes to Canada you should have the talk, otherwise you are waiting you time, money and emotions. It's up to you of course, but I don't think you realise what you are getting yourself in.

Good luck

[Sake3838]

Ok, I read the first few words and then i couldn't read more.

You are still in the honeymoon phase, where the good feeling has taken over.

I have been in LDR for 2 years ( in 5 days it will be 2 years ) with someone with whom I was together with for one year and a half before he had to leave, so we had some solid basis for the relationship. You don't even have that, all you have is a few weeks of msn and text messages.

Also, you have not yet experienced being apart from someone you love for months and let me tell you it sucks. Saying goodbye to that person, SUCKS BIG TIME.

My point is, that you should have the talk as soon as possible, this is curtail, the only reason for being in a long distance relationship is knowing that you will soon ( in a few years ) be together, otherwise it's torture and you don't gain anything from it.

Once she comes to Canada you should have the talk, otherwise you are waiting you time, money and emotions. It's up to you of course, but I don't think you realise what you are getting yourself in.

Good luck

 

Maybe you should have read the rest of my post, I at least gave you the respect to read yours. and how you responded was not a valid answer to what I had said.

 

Because I pointed out why your comment about wasting my time means nothing to me, please read what I had said and stop constricting a conversation with your mindset just because you yourself feel a certain way about an experience and relationship. not everyone is like you, not everyone is the same, most may be, some may be, some may not.

 

You should listen to youself, and put yourself in someones shows trying to take your advice. As much as I appreciated it, you just pretty much repeated exactly what creighton said.

 

And as for comments like "I read the first few words and stopped reading" then REPLYING to that, just means you are not a very prepared person and shows you react before assessing situations, which will in turn make me say "take your own advice" and lay things out before your eyes BEFORE speaking.

 

Thank you

 

P.S. im not trying to sound defensive, just being objective and logical.

and no im not offended, want to know why? read my reply that you decided to not finish and you will understand why.

 

Stop coming to conclusions such as "you are in this phase" and comments such as that. When you assume it makes an ass out of your and me

[ladyravenloft]

I just got out of a 2 year LDR with a fellow in Finland. We started off as friends, then about six months later we were admitting to the feelings we were feeling for each other. We made plans to meet and to have him move to the States. We talked daily, for hours on end after carefully arranging times (7 hour time difference).

 

Then....he started to become distant. Less time online and when he was, he was always distracted with a conversation with someone else online or by playing a browser game. I would call him on the telephone, on the times he would answer he was happy to hear from me and would chat for awhile, but he would never call in return. Last I heard from him, he wanted some time to think; he was nervous about the move and all. The very next day, his new girlfriend ( I had no idea he was seeing someone else) came on skype to tell me about their new bed and how they were busy breaking it in.

 

The beginning of our relationship was wonderful; all magic and sweetness and possibilities. After time, the distance, cultural differences and the lack of physical closeness started to build a wedge between us, invisibly at first but finally so large that we couldn't see each other because of it. I've never heard back after I emailed my congratulations over him finding someone that could make him happy, and my disappointment that he couldn't tell me himself. The lying, hiding information, and disappearing without notice was cold and heartless and someone that loves another could never do that to them.

 

Please be careful if you intend on continuing this on as a romantic relationship. With out excellent communication, shared values and aspirations, a situation like this could easily end up in heart ache for all involved.

Edited November 1, 2011 by ladyravenloft

[creighton0123]

Sake,

 

I do recognize what you are going through and that 'live in the moment' mentality, but absent physical contact that can't necessarily be perpetuated in long distance relationships.

 

Can the two of you have a wonderful vacation romance? Most definitely yes, but once she leaves and returns to Europe you will find yourself in the very same situation until the two of you communicate. If you do not solidify face-to-face what you want out of the relationship once her vacation is over, what happened to lady will happen to the two of you: one of you will grow more and more distant, tiring of random communication while the other is left mourning the loss of potential.

 

Communication about these things do not need to be forced. Conversation most definitely does not have to be about the long-term future, but can be about the short term.

 

I was not talking about a programmatic template of a long distance relationship, but a mature, adult relationship where two potential lovers decide what they want and how they're going to go about accomplishing it.

 

Has she always wanted to travel to Canada and is combining that desire with a little romance? Does she want something casual or something formal? How does she feel about you and vice versa? Are the two of you experiencing true love or lust?

 

If you don't have this, one or both of you will end up experiencing a significant amount of heartache, which is not necessarily a bad thing. A little open communication, however, will go a long way in ensuring that both of you come out of the experience of romance better people for having it.

 

I don't knock short term relationships. I've had a few myself, where both of us understood going in that the romantic relationship would only be short term. The important thing is that we had the conversation about it early on, so as to know what we are getting into.

 

Another recommendation:

 

If you do decide (both of you) to have an open-ended long term relationship (where you don't know how long you will be apart), you create some sort of routine in communication once she departs. Time goes by faster when you know that you will communicate on some interval, rather than haphazardly throughout the day.

 

I hope the two of you have an amazing time when she visits you.

[Sake3838]

Sake,

 

I do recognize what you are going through and that 'live in the moment' mentality, but absent physical contact that can't necessarily be perpetuated in long distance relationships.

 

Can the two of you have a wonderful vacation romance? Most definitely yes, but once she leaves and returns to Europe you will find yourself in the very same situation until the two of you communicate. If you do not solidify face-to-face what you want out of the relationship once her vacation is over, what happened to lady will happen to the two of you: one of you will grow more and more distant, tiring of random communication while the other is left mourning the loss of potential.

 

Communication about these things do not need to be forced. Conversation most definitely does not have to be about the long-term future, but can be about the short term.

 

I was not talking about a programmatic template of a long distance relationship, but a mature, adult relationship where two potential lovers decide what they want and how they're going to go about accomplishing it.

 

Has she always wanted to travel to Canada and is combining that desire with a little romance? Does she want something casual or something formal? How does she feel about you and vice versa? Are the two of you experiencing true love or lust?

 

If you don't have this, one or both of you will end up experiencing a significant amount of heartache, which is not necessarily a bad thing. A little open communication, however, will go a long way in ensuring that both of you come out of the experience of romance better people for having it.

 

I don't knock short term relationships. I've had a few myself, where both of us understood going in that the romantic relationship would only be short term. The important thing is that we had the conversation about it early on, so as to know what we are getting into.

 

Another recommendation:

 

If you do decide (both of you) to have an open-ended long term relationship (where you don't know how long you will be apart), you create some sort of routine in communication once she departs. Time goes by faster when you know that you will communicate on some interval, rather than haphazardly throughout the day.

 

I hope the two of you have an amazing time when she visits you.

 

Thank you for elaborating, and taking the time to explain with example.

 

I appreciate the advice and will take what I can from it to heart and definately form some sort of communicational solidifcation.

 

The one thing is I dont really expect much from building upon a standard, but you are definately right, it is a possiblity one of us can grow distant and apart. However, I dont mind that person end up being her, I can be hurt because I know as hard as it would be, which i actually cant imagine at this moment.. I would still be able to get over it, because in my head, my heart, my mind, I would never do what the guy did to Lady Raven.

If i felt like I needed to end things or see someone, I would talk to my significant other. As awesome and loving as that guy may seem being in a 2 year relationship, he flushed his diginity grace, and decency the moment he decided to cheat on Ladyraven.

To me personally its no excuse to do that sort of thing

 

So all in all, when she arrives I will talk to her about it, I think she wants to as well. Its definately not initial lust because we did not meet upon sexual attraction, which to me is highly rare, we saw eachother for who we were as a person, and attracted upon personality in which later we started to feel the lust and sexual desire. To me thats more than anyone can ask for. Its almost immpossible nowadays to find that. Usually its always sexual attraction in turn building a desire for their personality..

I would actually love your input on that creighton, about the subject of attraction.

 

Anyways, thank you for wishing me the best for when she comes, Im very nervous and excited to see her again.

 

P.S. She is coming for me, she doesnt care much for Canada, its just a bonus for her that its a place she hasnt been to, (she has traveled to many places around the world, even when she was younger with her family)

[Sake3838]

I just got out of a 2 year LDR with a fellow in Finland. We started off as friends, then about six months later we were admitting to the feelings we were feeling for each other. We made plans to meet and to have him move to the States. We talked daily, for hours on end after carefully arranging times (7 hour time difference).

 

Then....he started to become distant. Less time online and when he was, he was always distracted with a conversation with someone else online or by playing a browser game. I would call him on the telephone, on the times he would answer he was happy to hear from me and would chat for awhile, but he would never call in return. Last I heard from him, he wanted some time to think; he was nervous about the move and all. The very next day, his new girlfriend ( I had no idea he was seeing someone else) came on skype to tell me about their new bed and how they were busy breaking it in.

 

The beginning of our relationship was wonderful; all magic and sweetness and possibilities. After time, the distance, cultural differences and the lack of physical closeness started to build a wedge between us, invisibly at first but finally so large that we couldn't see each other because of it. I've never heard back after I emailed my congratulations over him finding someone that could make him happy, and my disappointment that he couldn't tell me himself. The lying, hiding information, and disappearing without notice was cold and heartless and someone that loves another could never do that to them.

 

Please be careful if you intend on continuing this on as a romantic relationship. With out excellent communication, shared values and aspirations, a situation like this could easily end up in heart ache for all involved.

 

Thank you for sharing your story,

 

first im sorry to hear that happened to you.

To me, I would probably end up like you, however I would simply try to remember the good parts of it. However, to me he should never have done that .. Maybe im answer biasly in the sense of being a male, but I would never do that to a girl I love/loved. If I wanted to see other people I would make sure to talk to my siginicant other first, and sever what needed to be severed before doing anything else or even think of doing that.

If you love/loved someone, you should have a simple thing called respect, for the person. otherwise its not love and it wasnt love.

To me he betrayed his entire history and sincere image of himself in your relationship by doing what he did.

For that im sorry,

 

Now, Im trying not to sound hypocritical since I said I would never do that and would still feel good about the happy times we have had.. but in the end I would still remain strong to the fact that it wasnt a waste of time despite what my partner may or may not do if they were the one to become distant and end up cheating on me.

 

I guess its just how my brain or heart or emotional sector of myself function.

 

I think if the chemistry that once was there becomes lost, the 2 owe it to themselves to either figure out why and fight for it, or throw in the towel together and call it a great match once had and both get on with their lives. Instead of doing something wreckless and thoughtless to hurt the other inorder to end it.

 

Ok.. now im going to concentrate on how to make her visit amazing when she does arrive, so im going to take a step back from this subject as it brings a more dark vibe..