sadprincess Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 There's a lot sad broken hearted people on this forum. But there's a number of people with positive feedbacks too (encouraging one to NC ur ex, move on to someone better, etc etc). How does one get to that point of positivity? I tried to not come back on this site (or at least not as much) but I get sad and get back on. For those people that give others encouraging advice, do u follow ur own advice or have lived thru the terror itself and teach from experience? What keeps some of u with great attitudes after heartache coming back on this site? Are u truly happy? Will me not coming on LS prove to myself that I moved on?
wilsonx Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Each person copes in their own way. If this site makes you sad, then dont come to it. If it makes you feel better and a place to ask questions and complain then come here. I had a rough spot with a breadcrumb (actually 2 in one day) a few weeks ago at 4 months NC and me posting alone just helped me cope with it by typing my thoughts and feelings down I am a people watcher and watch patterns in people. I see patterns in breakups from my past, my family, my friends and people that post their stories on here. Thats how I cope. I do not want to repeat the same pattern again. Learn from the pain, listen to other people's stories, learn and grow. No one that looks on this particular forum is truly happy. That takes a lot of time to get to.
EgoJoe Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I post to keep compassion fresh in my heart and mind. I post to preach what I practice and therefore practice what I preach. It's good to remind myself constantly of a proper attitude and methodology. Positive affirmation is powerful. Having compassion for the fact that some of the most messed up things you hear about on here are done by people who are hurting themselves. I think it's good to have a mindset that not everyone who breaks someone elses heart is an evil person out to do you wrong. I find it to be alot easier to remind yourself of these things from the outside looking in because the fog of emotional attachment is very strong. By posting I think I'll be able to overcome it so that in future relationships I may be able to give proper responses at the time or without needing feedback from others because I already generate such good possibilities and I am aware of parameters, factors and facets. It is difficult to trust your gut when your gut is only one of many motivating feelings. I also post so that people can learn from my mistakes..which weren't too bad. But, if I spare one person a shred of dignity or an extra month of pain because they are hanging on to something volatile. I will be satisfied. It's also very therapeutic for me to vent here when the time comes as Wilson has said before me. When people do good for you I think it is only proper to do good unto others. People on LS helped me immensely and still do. You may find that you will leave here and not look back until another time of stress, sorrow or pain or you may find that you are keen on helping others because the wisdom, knowledge (yes they are different) and growth you achieved here was substantial enough that you feel inclined to pass it on.
ken_25 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 There's a lot sad broken hearted people on this forum. But there's a number of people with positive feedbacks too (encouraging one to NC ur ex, move on to someone better, etc etc). How does one get to that point of positivity? I tried to not come back on this site (or at least not as much) but I get sad and get back on. For those people that give others encouraging advice, do u follow ur own advice or have lived thru the terror itself and teach from experience? What keeps some of u with great attitudes after heartache coming back on this site? Are u truly happy? Will me not coming on LS prove to myself that I moved on? It can be hard to follow your own advice, but I know what I must do, and what are likely the best ways to recover. So it's easy to say these words to people who are hurting, many of which are hurting more than I currently am. I have gone through a multi year relationship before, and was so devastated and depressed. I tried getting her back for months, I didn't stay busy, I didn't get a lot of advice and I tried to just fill the void with other women. It was horrible.. but after going through my last relationship (3 1/2 years) as the dumpee again, I was able to get good advice, I stayed busy, hung out with others, did not try getting her back once I found LS, I locked down NC after about 3-4 weeks, and I've progressed greatly. I see a great difference when I compare my last two recoveries. I'm still not over it (nearly 14 weeks out), and will not be for some time, but that's ok.. in time this will all pass. I keep coming back because not only am I still hurt in a way, I feel better knowing I'm not alone and people are going through the same thing or something worse and even though I already know that, reading the new stories helps me. Sometimes i read a piece of advice given to another and it helps because i can relate. The main reason I come back though and will continue to is I want to help others and help them progress as others have helped me.
Sugarkane Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I ended up here as people actually understand what you go through. When you go through a breakup, people soon get tired of you talking about it. Alot of people I know are in long term relationships or haven't had a breakup in ages. They don't understand and tell you just to "get over it". Not helpful at all. Alot of people also give you bad advice or none at all, I find. Whereas you don't get that here.
Author sadprincess Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the replies everyone. It's weird. I get on this site to make me feel better (think less of "poor me"), but yet, it also keeps me from moving on...because I feel like I log on everytime I'm dwelling on the situation. I feel better, less alone in the world. But when I leave the site, I am in the same predicament...lonely, no longer have a bestfriend/bf, no one to tell me gmorning/gnight, etc..etc... I was just curious as to how some people on this site can look at the bright side of things and give strong advices (when I feel like my advices to others are mean, to be revengeful, immature). And I commend those to think positive and at least try to move on...even when life is not as peachy pretty. I would want to think that people log in still...even when they were hurt years, months ago, and come in just to check up on the cyber relationships they've developed with a few people. I know the stories of some from start to present...so it is somewhat of a bond formed. But I do hope that people have moved on with their lives, because that gives me hope that I can do the same. I don't want to dwell for years...not even for months. If I log on this site a year from now, i want to see how everyone i'm familiar with is doing, but not to offer me relief (I really hope to be mentally healthy by then). Again, thanks for the replies. It does answer my curiosity. Edited October 18, 2011 by sadprincess typos
norajane Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I've been posting here off and on for years. I've gone through a few different issues during that time, and it helps me get some perspective on my own relationships by reading about others' experiences. I also choose to "pay it forward" and give advice to those who are asking for it. Lots of people come here when they are heartbroken or whatever, and then leave when they get what they want (or not) from LS. Others stay and choose to use their experiences to help someone else.
louise_23 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 There's a lot sad broken hearted people on this forum. But there's a number of people with positive feedbacks too (encouraging one to NC ur ex, move on to someone better, etc etc). How does one get to that point of positivity? I tried to not come back on this site (or at least not as much) but I get sad and get back on. For those people that give others encouraging advice, do u follow ur own advice or have lived thru the terror itself and teach from experience? What keeps some of u with great attitudes after heartache coming back on this site? Are u truly happy? Will me not coming on LS prove to myself that I moved on? im the biggest hypocrite going. im the type of person to give out the advice but not follow it myself. i guess i say to others what i wish i had the strength to do myself. truly happy? no. but i never have been that kind of person anyway. and i just come on here to see what others are going through. i mean, its easier now im not so heartbroken, but back when i first started coming on here i was falling apart and nothing i did helped, including coming on here. its kind of interesting to read some of the stuff people post and think i was there once, but im not too bad now.
lalalandman Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 For me, helping others is a good indication of my progress. It means I've been able to help myself first. It's a way of giving back. However, I don't expect to be on LS for much longer. But I do hope everyone finds their way.
M2155 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) I think I found the site when I was down and looking for some stories similar to what I wanted to hear- how to get him back. I wish I had come sooner because I did all the things to push him away. Anyway, the people here are pretty honest and over time I realized how peoples stories and outcomes are so amazingly similar and for all the times you think you are the exception, bam…same thing happens to you. Coming back doesn’t make me feel depressed anymore because I have come to realize for myself that I deserve so much better. You read other people’s stories, especially those in the early painful stages and you realize your situation could have been worse and it’s easy to empathize while seeing how far you have come. I could sit at home and dwell on my own sob story (friends didn’t want to hear it anymore either), or share experiences with strangers who could relate and be encouraging/helpful toward one another. I’m pretty terrible at following my own advice in general. Everyone is walking away/or being pushed away, from something different, but a lot of people here equate success to “getting the ex back,” especially in the beginning. But after some time and healing I now know success = being happy in myself and open to someone wonderful in the future. That if a person shows signs of wanting to go, let them go. Hanging on just seems awful now looking back, but the only way for me to know and learn that lesson was to have experienced it. I try to stay positive by putting me first (which is what I didn't do in the relationship gone wrong). Edited October 18, 2011 by M2155
Author sadprincess Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 norajane + lalaland....well i hope i'll reach the point of where you two are...giving back....i'm a little selfish right now and when i "give" advice or respond to others...its about what i'm experiencing now for the moment...which may not help with the healing process...i feel as miserable as other miserable people. louise- i'm a complete hypocrite too. no worries. i read other people's post and i'm like, i will never have "so-and-so" treat me that way blah blah blah....when I am just as guilty being a "doormat" or clinging on to someone who doesn't want me, just as others. i see it, i know it....but i can't change how i'm thinking. the stupid in me won't phase out yet. but it is easier to tell others....hey, start NC asap...move on....he/she don't deserve you.... my ex broke my 1st commitment to NC past weekend to wish me a happybirthday. i ripped him apart and called him every bad name cant' be published in the book. But today is NC day 2 for me. and i know I won't break it (i've completely embarrassed myself to shame already). But i hope this whole NC thing works so that I can tell people....NC...not to get the guy back....but to heal yourself. M2155- I have no proof of what NC can do for me...but i would like to be like others and share my experience with others. I'm glad things are better for you and that you recognized your self worth within time.
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