tryingtosmile Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 So I'm with my boyfriend right now (we've been off and on for over a year now and now we've been back together for almost a month) and half the time we separated because people got in the way and caused us to lose trust in each other. But we're back together and happy..I guess. I recently found out that he is going behind my back and talking to tons of girls and many of the girls were the ones that ruined our relationship or caused jealousy between us. He's texting, fbook messaging, etc all of them even though he promised me he would never talk to them again. And sometimes I know that he blows me off so he can talk to them and not me. I don't think he's doing anything with them but just the fact that he lied and broke his promise and is going behind my back really hurts me and I've been crying a lot because of it. I'm scared to confront him because everytime I do he gets mad because I don't trust him and question him and usually causes a huge fight and break up. But at the same time I love him so much. He's my first serious relationship and the feelings between us are real and we care about each other so much and I'm not ready to lose him. I know he truly loves me too. Oh yeah, I found out he's doing all this because he's kinda careless (i.e. he let me look at his phone and the texts and pictures of them were right there and he let me on his computer and I saw the new messages from the girls). I'm not a stalker or anything haha I give him plenty of space. Sooo...what should I do? Help please :/ I say this is serious only because it's been on my mind all the time and I cry way too much over it. I love him and he makes me so happy but this just kills me at the same time. Plus I have no idea how to confront him because he'll think of it as snooping.
Wolf18 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Stop giving the physically hottest guys 1000 chances and give someone deserving a chance (for once).
ChessPieceFace Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 LOL Wolf, almost right. More like "stop giving the players second chances." You're SOOOO in love with this guy that treats you like you're part of a harem. See, this is why I don't bother dating.
Wolf18 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 LOL Wolf, almost right. More like "stop giving the players second chances." You're SOOOO in love with this guy that treats you like you're part of a harem. See, this is why I don't bother dating. Without any moral/social regulation, human beings go back to their animalistic roots. Feminists all rail against Muslims for having polygamy, yet they're probably banging the same guys themselves. In the small town where my grandfather is from there is actually a dude who is a first baseman on the minor league baseball team, he's got 8 kids with 6 different women (3 of the women are actually sisters, LOL!), and this is just the visible evidence, god knows how many more he bedded where the condom didn't break. The only difference between western feminist polygamy and Islamic polygamy is that the poor children caught up in the middle of this debauchary here in America are illegitimate.
MaxNoob Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Without any moral/social regulation, human beings go back to their animalistic roots. No, we invented moral/social regulation because we were moral creatures to begin with. Apes have no laws to govern themselves, and yet they are moral creatures; apes will try to break up fights in their community, comfort the loser, help feed their elderly. If you give 1 ape celery to perform a trick, and another ape something better like grapes to perform the same trick, the one getting grapes will quit because he believes the game is not fair to the other ape. Most apes have a genetic predisposition to tell the difference between right and wrong, as do most people. Civilization would not have been possible otherwise.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Educational and amusing. The fact that apes exhibit some level of what we would term "morality" doesn't seem very relevant. We're talking about the base animal nature of dating vs. higher moral concepts of monogamy and fidelity, in humans. We (well, many of us) have the intellect to look at both the personal and societal consequences of various behaviors. Also, many apes seem a lot nicer than humans. Might be a lot of truth to that opening scene of '2001'. Man's advancement coming through the behavioral addition of corruption and violence. Anyway, to reference the actual situation in the OP, the human race IS being held back by poor mate selection by females. It's a fact. This is more evidence.
MaxNoob Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Educational and amusing. The fact that apes exhibit some level of what we would term "morality" doesn't seem very relevant. We're talking about the base animal nature of dating vs. higher moral concepts of monogamy and fidelity, in humans. There are several monogamous animals, like bald eagles and penguins. Cheating is clearly upsetting to many animals. We (well, many of us) have the intellect to look at both the personal and societal consequences of various behaviors. The fact that animals do not have this intellect is evidence that they are moral creatures. When an ape helps others in the community, it allows him to climb the social ladder, which could help him get a girl. But he's not contemplating this; he's too simple a creature to think that far ahead; he's doing this simply because he has a sense that it's right. Give one ape access to an area with a lot of food; before eating, he'll open the door to let other apes in, even though it means less food for him. Again, he's not thinking about the consequences to his social status; he just felt it was the right thing to do. Anyway, sorry to hijack the thread OP.
rightfield Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 It sounds to me like you and your boyfriend need to bite the bullet and break up and go your separate ways. From you description of on again, off again, and now troubles in the process of getting back together...again, it sounds like there is a low chance of success. This isn't what you wanted to hear. You have put a lot of emotional capital into this relationship, and you probably don't want to just throw it all away. However, if you can move on, after a time you'll be able to see the incompatibilities more clearly than you can right now, while you are "down in it." Break up and start your healing process and come back in a couple of months and tell us how much happier you are.
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