Desensitized Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Hey everyone, I can't shake off this overwhelming, tired feeling. I've been like this since the start of January (when I called things off with my fiancee) and I can't seem to shake it off - I am sick of it. Getting my work done isn't as difficult as was when the break up was still fresh, but I still don't feel as efficient as I'm used to being. I can listen to my old music again (music her and I used to listen to together) without feeling down. I've been thinking about her every. single. day. WHY?!? Dumper's remorse? What the hell do I have to feel guilty about? We were incompatible; the relationship wasn't going to work, no matter how much I wanted it to. My dad is right, I am way too sensitive. Sigh... sometimes I wish I could really be desensitized. Guilty of the way I treated her towards the end of the relationship? Perhaps, would make sense. But I forgave myself for that a while ago. People say and do stupid sh*t when things are going to sh*t.
The Poster Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I'm a lot like you. I think deep down inside I knew it wasn't going to work with my ex and I. We were great for a while but things changed and I didn't really think we were a good match anymore. Yet, sometimes it hurts that we're not together anymore. I also felt/feel guilty for my behavior towards the end of our relationship. I got harsh. Like you, I consider myself very sensitive and very caring and emotional. It's funny, as a guy I like those qualities about myself, but in situations like this, it really comes back to haunt you. There were a lot of times where I wished I wasn't as caring and sensitive as I am, because it would make things much easier. But in the end, I am what I am.
sunshine103 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Yep! Dumper's remorse and guilt on how you treated her towards the end of the relationship! Sounds like you don't have closure within yourself. Clear you mind and heart by doing what is best for you. Maybe u need to reach out to her and have an open conversation and apologize for how you treated her towards the end. Not trying to get together or be friends, just being sincere and talking from your heart how you feel. I was dumped by my ex and it was hurtful, but he reached out to me 3 months later and we sat down and had a really good open talk and he apologized for how horrible he treated me towards the end. Now we occasionally text and call each other to say hi and are supportive of each other. Still have feelings for him, but LOTS of the bitterness and pain is out of my heart and mind.
Author Desensitized Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 @sunshine103: as much as I would like to reach out to her, I don't think that would be a wise decision. Yes, I did say things I didn't mean towards the end of the relationship, but she did too. Not trying to play the she said/he did game, but I think it's best if I leave things as they are, even though I do want to apologize to her. See the thing is, I don't trust her. I don't trust her as a friend; I don't trust her period. I've tried talking to her from the heart this summer when I saw her for a little while, but she didn't care, or even believe anything I was saying. Basically, every time I have tried to do good, or even attempt to be sincerely apologetic, she doesn't care. But another reason I don't think that reestablishing connections with her would be a good idea is because I don't know how I'll feel emotionally about it if I do decide to text her/call her. What if she doesn't text back? What if we casually text and, she suddenly stops texting me? What if she has a boyfriend now? I don't think I would be able to handle her being with someone else; not hearing from her as much as I used to. I no longer live by her, so I can't really sit down with her and talk. She has BPD, so she switches from idealizing me to demonizing me. As far as I know, she probably hates me. There is no gray area with her, it's either this or that, no exceptions. Not too mention, I would probably be really set back. @The Poster: I guess in the future, we need to acknowledge the fact that sometimes relationships won't work, and when we know this, we need to get out of the relationship before it turns into something more serious. And yes, it does still hurt, I feel you. I guess I don't know why I feel guilty when, she hasn't even apologized for what she said to me towards the end of our relationship. I guess we both need to become emotionally/mentally stronger, somehow. I am certain that my last relationship has hardened me a bit, though.
Author Desensitized Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 But yeah, I just don't know what to do. A part of me wants to contact her, but I know it's such a stupid thing to do. I wanted to say something like, "thanks for advising me to see a psychologist, it really has helped me with a lot of my underlying issues." But on the other hand, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of her knowing that there were some things that were wrong with me.
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