maqs Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 My boyfriend of nine months told me that he kissed another girl at a party. He said it happened a month ago, but he felt guilty and wanted me to know. It makes me mad because every day he would accuse me of cheating on him, which i never did. The first months of our relationship were so good, i thought that we were a match. He's my best friend and we do everything together. Sometimes we would get into fights because he would say hurtful things to me, but he blames it on his paranoid schitzophrenia. It hurts me that he would kiss someone else, but we decided not to make any decisions until next week when we meet eachother for dinner to discuss it. I don't know what to do or what to say to him, so if anyone has any advice that would be really helpful (:
PegNosePete Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Well I know what I would say. Goodbye. And I wouldn't wait for "dinner" to say it.
Sazerac Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 What he did to you is something called "projection" - where the guilty party accuses the innocent one of the nefarious behavior. Listen to PegNosePete -- dump the loser. Quickly. And consider you dodged a major bullet here.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 My boyfriend of nine months told me that he kissed another girl at a party. He said it happened a month ago, but he felt guilty and wanted me to know. It makes me mad because every day he would accuse me of cheating on him This makes me wonder if he is projecting. Maybe he constantly worries about you cheating because HE constantly has impulses to cheat. It's not the only explanation, but it's definitely one to think about. The first months of our relationship were so good, i thought that we were a match. He's my best friend and we do everything together. Sometimes we would get into fights because he would say hurtful things to me, but he blames it on his paranoid schitzophrenia. It hurts me that he would kiss someone else, but we decided not to make any decisions until next week when we meet eachother for dinner to discuss it. I don't know what to do or what to say to him, so if anyone has any advice that would be really helpful (: It's easy for internet people to say "DUMP HIM/HER!" at any transgression large or small. But it's not their life. I would just offer the following thoughts: - He came forward of his own accord and told you about it, which is good - Kissing, in public at a party, when he may have been drunk... if this really is the only transgression in 9 months, I'd say it's not all that bad - It may not be that bad in and of itself, but it's not good - It may not be the only transgression, which is the real problem Since you are deeply involved with this person, who you say is your best friend... this is tough but I would say to not just break it off over suspicion, but see if you can get a really smart and close friend (someone like a male sibling, or anyone else who has no romantic interest in either of you) to do some proper surveillance of the guy. This is the best option I see when you don't want to ruin something over suspicion, yet you can't necessarily completely trust him now. If that isn't possible ... maybe just try to find out more about his past, like ex-girlfriends and whether he cheated on them.
RiverRunning Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 What he did to you is something called "projection" - where the guilty party accuses the innocent one of the nefarious behavior. Listen to PegNosePete -- dump the loser. Quickly. And consider you dodged a major bullet here. Yup, he's definitely projecting. If he hasn't cheated yet, I'm sure he's thinking about it. And because he's thinking about it, he assumes you're thinking about it too. Run for the next exit. Don't walk.
Author maqs Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 Thank you everyone for your advice. I did end up breaking off the relationship and I'm really glad that I did
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